To think most people massively underestimate what's involved with parenting?

[Soph7777]

Just that really. I haven't got kids I hope to in the near future but I have a lot of young kids around me so never once underestimated how hard it is.

A lot of people seem to just go into it without giving much thought, and then sometimes end up disappointed.

A question to those who have had kids - did you underestimate or overestimate how hard it would be?

I should rephrase, perhaps not most people but a lot of people.

I underestimated the baby stage but overestimated the toddler and preschooler stage. I had a colicky and refluxy baby who didn't sleep (he still doesn't sleep well and he is 4!). However we have completely avoided the terrible twos and threenager stage. Can't comment beyond that obviously!

I underestimated how difficult breastfeeding would be. But I overestimated the rest of the work for a baby - he really is a sweet child and fits in perfectly in our life.

Massively underestimated the baby and toddler stage. Before they got to 7 & 4 I had serious regrets about doing it. Now they're 8 & 5 I'm pleased I did.

Neither.
I, completely, didn't have a clue. I'd never even held a newborn! Although I'd had some minor interactions with older kids.

For me, it's the hardest job because it is relentless and, well, forever. 24/7, 365 and, until my death, I will always be a parent.

I don’t think I underestimated the newborn bit as everyone goes on about how difficult that is.

What I DID massively underestimate was the toddler bit...and having 2 of them (our first baby was a dream so didn’t bat an eyelid when I got pregnant again when he was 7m old)!

We had no idea how drastically life would change for us later on!

I think I overestimated how much work a baby would be and how much our life would change. DS has slotted I'm pretty easily (although I'm sure it won't always be like this!)

I have no idea really. I am not sure having lots of kids around you is the same as actually being a parent to your own. The physical and emotional relentlessness, the lack of personal freedoms, financial burdens and so on are very hard to quantify. But then I have no idea how to explain why it is amazing and why I love it. I am firmly in the winging it group though

I agree with you OP. It's hard to foresee just how much your life will change!

I underestimated the baby stage, for sure. The times when you can't even put them down to have a shower etc- I thought my whole life was going to be like that from now on.

My neice is an au pair as part of her job and was amazed at how much work it took (tbf the parents took up a lot of headspace too!)

People deal differently with lack of sleep, adjusting their routines etc. How hard it is to leave them with someone else, if you even have anyone else.

Some things just would never have crossed my mind - the tedious reality of the school run, for example.

Being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have. It's the most important job you'll ever have. And it is forever! No retirement haha.

I think so much depends on the experience. I know some very lovely lucky mums who had unicorn babies who’ve grown until unicorn preschoolers and they are always so happy and relaxed.

I had twins, so far harder than I expected when TTC. They are both disabled which makes it more difficult and I have to deal with things I barely knew existed before (EHCPs, specialist schools, various therapies etc).

I underestimated because I had a newborn with colic and reflux who turned into a hyper toddler who turned out to have ASD. The second child had a long list of health issues which has been difficult to manage. Nothing life threatening (thanks to antibiotics) but a pain nonetheless.

My decision to fave children wasn’t rational based on how hard or easy it would be though. I was broody and that was that.

I agree that until you have your own as someone mentioned you'll never quite know.

But (call me a pessimist) I've always imagined it quite often to be hell. I'm sure it's not quite as bad as that but if I think it'll be really bad it can only get better? That's my rationale anyway.

And despite thinking this is still want to do it!

Yup.had no idea!! Always loved babies so just thought it would be loads of lovely fun 🤣🙄

also no-one could've explained to me how shitty it is to look after a baby/toddler when you're ill yourself. No sick days from this job!

I have a lot of young kids around me so never once underestimated how hard it is

I thought this too. But I don't think any amount of time spent working with kids, socialising with friends kids or babysitting for relatives can prepare you for the 24/7 relentlessness and responsibility of parenting. It feels completely different.

@whatisheupto 😂

I think some things have been easier and others have been harder than I was expecting.

Not at all disappointed I had them though, they've made me so happy and all the love makes the sleep deprivation worth it.

I'm not sure 'underestimated' is the word.
So, yes, I knew that babies wake up in the night and that you can't have lie-ins to catch up, etc., but, until you experience that, you can't know the impact it will have on you.

Of course you have no idea how your baby is going to be.
It was only after I had my 2nd, that I realised not all babies were awake for 2 - 3 hours ever time they woke up in the night, for example.

Also, quite frankly, if you want to have a family / have dc, then, even if you were aware you would really struggle with {insert pregnancy or sleeplessness, or breastfeeding, or the unending monotony, or whatever got to you the most}, you still would make a decision to 'get through' that, in order to get to the nice bits of parenthood.

In the same way few people enjoy studying and exams, but you know you need to get through them, to be able to do the job you enjoy.
Or you need to practice your sport in the freezing rain if you want to reach the heights of medals and top performances
Same wit practising scales and the boring bits of learning an instrument if you want to be able ti sit, as an adult, and play the instrument for pleasure
etc
etc
etc

I definitely didn't underestimate - I was an au pair for 3 kids aged 5 to newborn for a year, and was left with sole charge over 2-3 nights sometimes (I offered and insisted! They'd never have asked, and I was 22 so not a kid). It was an utter joy, the only bad thing was how attached I became, and how devastated I was to leave to start my grand scheme.

Kids are hard work, but (to me and DH at least) utterly worth it.

@MinisterForCheekyFuckery I don't doubt the case. But on the flip side people say it's so much better when it's your own?

I don't care for other people's kids much at all, don't really enjoy holding or talking baby talk...at all.

I Still want kids though 🤨🤣

*grad not grand

I completely underestimated the baby stage.

I had a really high needs Abbas but I just went along with it... it was much much harder than expected because none of my friends babies were like that
We over came and went on to have another. Easy baby (relative) but a relentless angry perpetually grumpy young child. The combination of age gap and his temperament is literally finishing me off. He gives me anxiety because his mood dominates everything. I was not prepared for that 😞