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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go out in the evening so much?

300 replies

Butterbear86 · 01/03/2020 12:47

I tend to go out once a week with friends for a meal / drink. Sometimes it might be twice in one week but nothing the next - it depends when people are free. It averages to once a week, certainly no more than three times in a fortnight. I don’t go until after dc2 is in bed as dh wont have both children awake on his own, and he won’t do bedtime. The older one goes on his own. So I don’t go out until about 8pm and I’m back by 11pm. I have a six very close friends - but none of them are friends, I know them from all different places which is why we end up meeting separately.
Dh rarely goes out with friends, maybe only three / four times a year, but he is usually out the whole night and ends up stopping at one of their houses and is in bed hungover the whole of the next day. However he golfs every single Saturday, 9am and isn’t back til after 5pm as he goes to the clubhouse afterwards and from May to September he plays two evenings a week. He says it’s different because he’s back by 9pm but he goes straight from work and then both children are in bed when he gets back so he doesn’t see either of them those days.
He says I go out too much and I shouldn’t want to. The thing is - if I stay in it’s only sitting in front of the tv anyway or me doing housework / ironing whilst he sits in front of the tv.
Aibu to go out so much? I didn’t go out at all last week in the evening but I’m meant to be going out tomorrow evening and I’ve asked him if I can go next Saturday too which is why he’s not very happy.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 01/03/2020 12:48

Why won’t he have both children on his own and why won’t he do bedtime??

Butterbear86 · 01/03/2020 12:49

Never has. Says it’s too much to manage both.

OP posts:
Vulpine · 01/03/2020 12:50

Im about the same as you and so is my dh - i dont think your dh has a leg to stsnd on if he is away all day sat. That is family time

CalleighDoodle · 01/03/2020 12:51

Your husband is a wanker.

tiggerkid · 01/03/2020 12:51

Never has. Says it’s too much to manage both

Does he do a lot of other things around the house and with kids?

CalleighDoodle · 01/03/2020 12:52

Tell him he would benefit from parenting classes if he cannot manage his own children. Then enrol him.

Butterbear86 · 01/03/2020 12:52

No. He does nothing, but my more pressing issue is the fact he doesn’t like me going out so much.

OP posts:
DramaQueef · 01/03/2020 12:53

The issue here is not tour going out, it is that you have a H that can't deal with two of his own kids together at bedtime! I'd be going out every night next week at 6pm!

Connie222 · 01/03/2020 12:53

Missing the point of the thread, but what the hell would he do if heaven forbid you ended up in hospital for a prolonged period?

Christ almighty. They are his children too.

CalleighDoodle · 01/03/2020 12:54

It is not a more pressing issue. It is part of the same issue. Your husband is controlling you. You spare time is spent on childcare and housework.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 01/03/2020 12:55

Presumably you are capable of managing both DC at bedtime? Tell him to get a grip on that bit if nothing else.

TorkTorkBam · 01/03/2020 12:57

He goes out more than you! The golf counts as going out.

Why did you ask if you could go out? Does he ask your permission before his thrice weekly golf?

Ignore the grumps. Go out.

user1493413286 · 01/03/2020 12:57

I think what he does is worse; I’d rather a partner go out like you do than every Saturday as in the evenings realistically you don’t end up doing much whereas the weekends you could be

Butterbear86 · 01/03/2020 12:57

Yeah, I often do bedtime for both. Well the older dc is 11 so doesn’t really need any input. It’s the younger one who is 3 so still has stories etc and needs someone to do teeth.

OP posts:
McCanne · 01/03/2020 12:57

You don’t go out ‘so much’, there’s nothing unreasonable in what you’ve described. He however is extremely unreasonable. Did you actually have to ask him if you could go out or is that just a turn of phrase?

bigchris · 01/03/2020 12:58

I don’t go until after dc2 is in bed as dh wont have both children awake on his own, and he won’t do bedtime. The older one goes on his own

So he also plays golf all day Saturday

Wow !

How have you put up with this crappy life for so long?

bigchris · 01/03/2020 12:59

11 years you've put up with this

Can you list 5 good things about him ?

Valkadin · 01/03/2020 12:59

He goes out all day every week! your DH is a prick and of course he could deal with two dc, he just doesn’t want to.

Nogodsnomasters · 01/03/2020 12:59

Personally I think it's weird to go out during the school week socialising when you have 2 children, for exercise yeah but not for dinner and/or drinks every single week, but that's not to say you're doing anything wrong because it's people's own preference and what suits their family set up, I'm assuming this is not a new thing you've started doing so why is he only bugged now about it? Or has he always moaned about it?

Chocolateandchats · 01/03/2020 13:00

So he misses spending time with your children because of his hobby and “can’t do bedtime” and you should be sat at home every night?!?!? He’s lucky you put them to bed first, my DH tried that line once and I told him he’d have to learn as I walked out of the door, it’s a non-issue now and I know that my children are looked after in the same way by both parents. Your husband really is taking the piss.

PleaseSeeMeNow · 01/03/2020 13:00

Your DH is a controlling lazy twat.

LagunaBubbles · 01/03/2020 13:00

No. He does nothing, but my more pressing issue is the fact he doesn’t like me going out so much

No your more pressing issue is you are in a emotionally abusive relationship with a complete wanker.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/03/2020 13:01

To me you have the perfect balance. Ignore him, he wouldn't let you badger him to give up his interest hobby on a Saturday to lob infront of the TV.
You have different interests it is healthy. Keep doing what you are doing, this is your social vice.

bigchris · 01/03/2020 13:01

Personally I think it's weird to go out during the school week socialising when you have 2 children

Yes stay in the kitchen in your apron Grin

EmeraldShamrock · 01/03/2020 13:02

Posted to soon, his attitude is damaging he is trying to clip your wings.

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