To wonder how dads can not bother with their Dc?

[Foxton20]

Me and my ex husband separated in 2013. Since then he was a “decent” dad until he met his partner in 2015. He saw the kids every other weekend and during the week before then. But never paid a penny towards them.

After meeting his partner and having a child with her he has seen them 3x. He has declared he wants nothing to do with them and would like to sign them over so my now husband adopts them.

He doesn’t pay a penny and the times Iv tried he has tried to ruin my life. Threatening me, messaging mine and my in laws etc. It’s not worth the £20 a week.

Today is our oldest 12th birthday and once again not a peep. Nothing from his family either.

How can you sit in your home or going about your life and not think about your oldest child on their birthday?

My husband is amazing and I’m so grateful at how he treats the older two and our child exactly the same. Dd has had another amazing birthday thanks to him.

I don’t was xh in our lives but I wished he was a better man who I could have co parented with. Can’t believe he’s nearly 40 and still immature.

The kids never ask to see him, they have witnessed a lot is abuse sadly.

I’m in the same boat. Ex hasn’t seen my kids in nearly 3 years and one of them is almost 3! He seen her a couple of times when she was a baby then like yours decided he wanted nothing to do with them, we have older ones as well but he wants nothing to do with them either, told me to never contact him again unless it’s an emergency which obviously I won’t. He also doesn’t pay any maintenance and cms can’t get any off him. I don’t know how they do it but my sister has a theory that they see the kids as yours and not theirs, she said my ex sees me as a woman he met who has kids! Despite them being his. No messages on Xmas/ birthdays, even though my sons is the day after his own birthday. It’s good you have a husband who loves them, I’m still single and mine are very upset they don’t have a father, especially the oldest. They have taken it quite badly, and regularly ask why they can’t see him. But nothing I can do.

That's so incredibly sad. What horrible men.

🤮 make me want to puke, selfish, emotionless creeps. Just boggles the brain doesn’t it? You would die for your children & some people Just don’t give a shit. You’ll never understand, because their brains aren’t wired right.

Any man who knows how to be a father will always be there for their children and do whatever it takes for them.

That's called being a proper dad, I strive to be that every day and will until my last day on this planet.

Like Dwight Yorke. Utter c**t of a man.

That’s just very sad, especially as he’d presumably been around for most of their early childhood. I don’t know how some people can just turn on and off parental affection etc. I had a relative that became no contact with his child due to a messy divorce and withheld contact and it pained him until his dying day. I just don’t understand how some people can walk away so easily when they have a choice not to.

I completely understand how frustrating it is for you to witness this neglect from you xh to your dc. In our situation, it's my DSD mum who cannot be bothered with her - she's only 5!!! So can't agree it's all dads; it's any parent who can't be their for their child that's hard to understand. DSD mum has chosen her boyfriend and subsequently taken a new job which is shift work resulting in less and inconsistent time for DSD but when questioned 'it's for the better of "Flossy"'. We are left picking up the pieces.

I'm 53. My father left when I was 4 with very little contact. I was 17 the last time I saw him at my sister's wedding. I'll never understand why she invited him. He didnt want contact with us and never paid any maintenance. He remarried and had 3 more children. Who knows why some people do this. I do know that he's a useless article, so from my perspective, I had a very lucky escape.

An awful lot of men are not bothered about having kids, even after they have them. Anyone who works with men knows that, surely?

My dad was a useless sack of shit and I'm NC with him. I did see him once a month up until I was 11, but I think he just did it to spite my mum rather than actually wanting to spend time with me. I wasn't allowed to stay overnight with him by court order due to his lifestyle. I chose to stop seeing him age 11 and he didn't try and fight to carry on seeing me.

I looked him up on Facebook recently and saw that he is living exactly the same lifestyle. I had a lucky escape really.

Your DCs had a lucky escape too. I know that doesn't make it any easier but your ex is the one that is losing out, not them. My dad has never met my DS his only grandchild, and that's his own doing.

That's awful OP & it sounds like you are doing a great job. Your new DH sounds lovely.
pumpkin that is such a shame.

My ex was the same, once the new woman came along (who treated my DD badly) he dropped his children. She had 2 boys and they had another child together.

Five years later and he is now divorced, separated from the youngest child (who he does see) and no contact at all with his older kids. I know the kids have been through a lot of hurt and would want no contact even if he begged to see them now.

Also had to fight to get any CMS payments.

I wonder if some men just don't feel the same bond to children as mums? There is also the out of sight defence, ie if I don't see the child I shouldn't have to pay.

Dd1's dad was like that.
He didn't have anything to do with her. We were both really young when she was born.
His family would ignore us in the street except when his mother called me a slut.
Dh adopted her, she was the only dad she knew.

My dd tragically died at 23. He then decided to crawl out the woodwork and play the devastated dad. He was told NOT to attend her funeral. He did give a story to the local paper. After the funeral he contacted me( the first time in 23yrs) to ask for pictures of dd. I never replied.
I will never understand why some men are Pricks when it comes to their children.

It's sad but alot men I know really aren't bothered about having children in the first place. And it's usually to keep a partner happy, they would be quite happy without them. Sad for the kids but men often just arnt that fussed .

I don't understand it at all. Not only does my ex not bother with our girls, but he actively, and loudly, objects to the fact that his family do bother with them. It baffles me

It also baffles me that his then new wife actively treated the girls like shit, objected loudly (to me and all over FB) to the maintenance he was forced to pay, and cut the girls out of their younger half siblings lives (they weren't invited to the childrens christenings because there was no room as they had 'family' staying for example) is now surprised that he's abandoned their kids and is being a twat at paying her

People are baffling generally

He wants to ‘hand them over’?

That is awful your poor kids.

I guess different reasons, and not sure how useful it is to guess. What with our current prime minister wanting more kids but not acknowledging at least one... that is the kind of role model we have and no one seems to care.

That must be part of it. Society and family not judging enough.

My Ex very much feels that he is a good father and there for our DS, however he sees him 5x a year now, it used to be EOW but looking back I propped him up. Although his version is that I stop him somehow.

My own father is similar. It took me until I had my own kids to realize that the father who also seemed to appear sporadically a few times a year, was not really a father.

I’m so sorry @ParkheadParadise

Out of sight out of mind. It’s that simple.

My DC’s Dad is shit too. He moved in with his new girlfriend (not even the OW, they literally just met) about a month after we separated, worst thing was she had two young children and the youngest child’s Dad had just moved out a week before. Jeremy Kyle much? I know, it’s completely trashy.

Anyway because he shacked up with her and her DC that somehow meant our DC didn’t really matter anymore. He does see them but only for around 6-7 hours a week on either a Saturday or Sunday, some weekends he doesn’t bother at all. One excuse he used for not seeing them one weekend was the rain? . If you want a few examples of piss poor parenting from him: he took her DC away to the USA but not our DC.
Our DD specifically asked him if she could go trampolining with him to celebrate her birthday but he refused, instead he just took her for a (free) babyccino and to the park. I collected them and his partner and her DC were waiting around the corner, they then took her DC trampolining. We only found out because her DC blabbed the following week, DD was gutted.
They can’t sleep over at his because he has a tiny two bedroom home so her two DC (different sexes) already share and it’s just not ethical to have our three (mixed sexes) be in there too.

He does pay CM but the bare minimum, he’s never paid a dime extra. He’s probably taken them out somewhere that has actually cost him maybe five times in six years? He’s a cock.

Sorry, that was an almighty rant but I’m in the same boat. I can’t fathom how some men can be like this.

Have the same problem with DSC’s Mum. New boyfriend, new baby. And it’s like the others have fallen off the face of the planet. She’s still trying to make the right noises but it’s not the same.

That's awful op. I just can't understand how a parent can turn their backs on their own children - but lots of men do it.

I know it's not a mn thing to say, but there absolutely is a biological difference between men and women and that is often highlighted in situations like these.

Same here OP. Nothing from exp in 3 years. I’ve concluded its because he’s just lazy to the bone. He always did take the easy option. Tell a lie rather than face the consequences of the truth. Give them a bagel for dinner. Lie on the sofa during contact instead of parenting. And then gradually it was just too much effort to turn up for contact. He probably has thought about them over the years but it’s easier to justify why he hasn’t seen them than do the hard thing and actually face the consequences of his absence and neglect.

My exh was exactly the same after we separated he did the every other weekend thing but when he met his 2nd wife it was like my girls didn't exist & we haven't heard from him in over 15 years now.

I passed him in the street a few weeks ago & he completely blanked me! He probably wouldn't even recognise the girls if he saw them now.

Happy Birthday to your leapling - my leapling is 5/20 today

My uncle did this - married with 3 children under 10 and he left for another woman, who he then married and had 2 more children (he seems to be devoted to them). He has barely seen his first 3 children since leaving them and never paid a penny in maintenance.

I didn’t know much about it at the time as I was a child and I always liked Uncle N, but since I realised what he did as an adult (and especially after I became a parent), I feel quite a a revulsion towards him.

His first children are never mentioned ever - it’s like they never existed. I have no idea how complicit wife #2 is in the whole affair but my opinion of her is pretty low as well since I realised how the children must have been treated.

I don’t think my parents come out very well in it either as they didn’t stay in touch with wife #1 or the children. Can’t understand that either.

An awful lot of men are not bothered about having kids, even after they have them.

I don’t think an awful lot of men only have children to keep their woman happy or only have children ‘by accident’. Even if that were true, it’s not really an excuse to be a shit Father once they’re born.