To wonder how dads can not bother with their Dc?

[Foxton20]

Me and my ex husband separated in 2013. Since then he was a “decent” dad until he met his partner in 2015. He saw the kids every other weekend and during the week before then. But never paid a penny towards them.

After meeting his partner and having a child with her he has seen them 3x. He has declared he wants nothing to do with them and would like to sign them over so my now husband adopts them.

He doesn’t pay a penny and the times Iv tried he has tried to ruin my life. Threatening me, messaging mine and my in laws etc. It’s not worth the £20 a week.

Today is our oldest 12th birthday and once again not a peep. Nothing from his family either.

How can you sit in your home or going about your life and not think about your oldest child on their birthday?

My husband is amazing and I’m so grateful at how he treats the older two and our child exactly the same. Dd has had another amazing birthday thanks to him.

I don’t was xh in our lives but I wished he was a better man who I could have co parented with. Can’t believe he’s nearly 40 and still immature.

The kids never ask to see him, they have witnessed a lot is abuse sadly.

I sometimes wonder why men have children at all. So many of them seem to resent it or slack off when it comes to the hard work.

2 reasons

1. the person that is making their life easier by cooking, cleaning and providing regular access to convenient sex usually wants children and men know that the key to keeping her is giving her the children.

2. they assume most of the grunt work of children will fall to the mother and resent actually being expected to parent when reality kicks in.

See exh doesn’t put anything anywhere about them, in fact he’s deleted every single bit of evidence of them. His Instagram 🙈🙈 says “dad to twin boys”. He has this big Instagram full of followers and his new mates who have no idea he has 4 kids. How his gf can sit there and be ok with it. She has 3 kids with 2 different men before they met.

I don’t know if I agree that it’s just because women want them..

Disgusts me but I was 16 when I had our oldest and he was 23 (not envy!).

I think possibly our second was to keep me happy.

The 7 years we were together he much preferred the oldest.

He has done them a massive favour honestly.

My cousin got with a bloke who had two kids , he did this to them. I always warned her he could do the same to her but she went on to have three kids with her. 20 years they were together. She then found him cheating and kicked him out and guess what? He did the same to her three kids.

Five kids and no contact with any of them. He’s enjoying nice holidays with his ‘princess’

No children deserves fuckwitts in their lives like these men.

Be happy he isn’t there because he will fuck their heads up. Act as if he never existed and shower your kids in so much love they never even ask about him.

Horrible cunts men like this.

My ex did everything he could to avoid paying maintenance ( pre CSA) eventually moving abroad and not seeing DC for years . He has married and divorced 4 times since we divorced in the 80s and each one was told I was nuts and stopped him seeing the DC . What amazes me is that so many women believe these men and find it acceptable that a parent can opt out !
Anyway ex has recently moved back here due to serious health problems and guess what ? He has been contacting our now adult DC saying he wants to see them ( ie look after him) and is most upset that they aren’t keen !

My twins have not had any contact with their biological father for over 13 years now. Hes never paid a penny in maint and I no longer have any contact details for him.

My partner & father to DD2 & DS2 treats them as his own, as do all his family. They call him dad and he is totally involved in their lives, has been for years. He sees all 4 as his children, no discrimination. Hes amazing.

I sometimes wonder why men have children at all. So many of them seem to resent it or slack off when it comes to the hard work

2 reasons

1) the person that is making their life easier by cooking, cleaning and providing regular access to convenient sex usually wants children and men know that the key to keeping her is giving her the children

2) they assume most of the grunt work of children will fall to the mother and resent actually being expected to parent when reality kicks in

If this is the case it sounds like women need to reassess. I see so many stories on here of exhausted women who are trying to balance everything while the man’s life changes very little. That’s not OK.

I wonder what would happen with if women stopped having children and picking up the slack!

I'm guessing it stems from their own childhood. Dad's that treated their own mothers like shit. Absenteeism, abuse, learned behaviour.

Nobody who has had a healthy upbringing could or would do this to their own children, surely?

Not an excuse at all, but maybe a reason as to why some men can be so callous.

there absolutely is a biological difference between men and women

You can't make statements like that without backing them up.

My dad did this to us. It harms you and affects your whole life as a child.... I can remember the bemusement of where he went, why we didn't see extended family anymore, the hurt and feeling of just not being good enough.

Financially he provided nothing. I think that this was the basis for the estrangement. Didn't see maintenance as supporting us but just giving money to his no longer loved ex wife. Disappointing.

We got back in touch 25+ years later. Driven by me. The relationship is still non existent.

God, how I wish I had a dad that gave a shit. The step parent options were pretty dire too even though one stuck around for 25 years.

I think a previous poster had it right. We were an extension of out mum so once that was over we no longer existed. Too a while but that's the jist. Same with the step parent, wanted my mum and we were tolerated.

Fucking shit.

I've worked with countless men who proudly boasted about getting out of paying maintenance. Professional environment, very good salaries.

I do know some good fathers (my BIL is a saint) but they seem few and far between. It's too easy for them to walk away. There should be a legal minimum NRP are required to pay, no matter what.

I don’t know but so many of both sexes do it, either don’t see the children or financially support them themselves.

Sad how so many become parents and then don’t deliver.

I think JuanSheetIsPlenty is probably right, sadly.
I do think if a woman said she's not having children the man would go along with it.

the person that is making their life easier by cooking, cleaning and providing regular access to convenient sex usually wants children and men know that the key to keeping her is giving her the children. What a horrible way to describe women.

Because they can. It’s socially acceptable.

You’ll get the usual suspects saying “but women do it tooooooo” when the stats overwhelmingly show that it is the father in the majority of cases that are feckless cunts.

My dsis’s father was one of these. Announced when she was 2 that he didn’t want to be a father. Walked out never to be seen again. Luckily, her step dad (my father) was the father she never had.
I have nothing but contempt for arseholes like that.

Same here, sent his dds an email to say they were too like me and he no longer wanted to see them. But in the years running up to that he had reduced and reduced time with them. Halved the weekends, no school holidays (leaving all childcare costs to me of course) and the change occurred when he met his new wife. Its a story I hear often but very sad

@emilybrontescorsett my dh had a work colleague whose husband persuaded her to have a baby. She wasn't 100% ready but went along with it. Turned out he was having an affair and left her before the baby was born!

Ds's biological father has never met him. He used to bang on about how damaging it was that his own father walked out on him and his mum and then he did the exact same! I sent him a couple of photos when he was born but received no reply. He doesn't work and lives with his mum and stepdad, claiming no benefits so he doesn't have to pay.

Ds doesn't miss out though. I've built a career as a single parent and he now has a stepdad and siblings he adores. He's such a loving and happy child, just pure joy.

My dad was like this. Fucked off when my mum was pregnant. They’re tried again when I was three but he couldn’t cope with me. I was a standard three year old by all accounts. Didn’t see him again til I was 19, where he casually informed me I had an older brother. My mum is an absolute legend, she’s the ultimate mum, on the highest pedestal I can put her on.

My DHs dad was the same. Left when he was 5 & his sister was 4, for another woman. Had a baby with her. Minimal contact with his first children, refusing to pay maintenance etc. Making life very difficult for DHs lovely mum. He only lived round the corner but barely had any contact.

Then left his second wife and child a few years later. This child (DHs half brother) had difficult teenage years as nobody was interested in him. His dad wanted nothing to do with him and his mum was busy dating. He regularly turned up on SILs doorstep (who was only about 20 at the time!) as a 14year old boy after being kicked out with nowhere to go.

As adults, DH, SIL and their half brother all get on well, and all have the same level of contempt for their dad. All have gone on to have their own children, and he is missing out on so much fun with 5 grandchildren he has never met. He lives a 5 minute walk away.

He will die a very lonely old man.

His wife moans at him from time to time because he forgets to pick his clothes up but he is a paragon, an angel of a dad.
If they ever split up I have no doubt he would be just as dedicated to his children, probably even more so as he would not be living with them.

Or, his wife "moans at" his because he's useless and has to be instructed to do the barest of minimum chores and self care, forget about the children - if he can't pick up after himself, can you really imagine he's picking up after them?

He sounds like a doting Dad in public. You have zero idea how he is in private or whether he would continue to bother without regular kudos from his neighbours.

He'll probably find it's easier to do nothing and claim the "moaning" ex wife won't let him see the children. Then he'll discover that he can do zero work, pay zero money AND get bottomless sympathy! Winner winner!

I know someone who chose to live abroad away from his young kids. He sees them once or twice a year, it’s sad. I don’t know how anyone could do that

There are quite a lot of men who have no interest in their children

My ex left on ds birthday!
While I was pg with dd...
He and the OW have seen kids I think 4 times in 3 years , then nothing in the last 4 years .
They would not recognise each other I'd they were in the same room. Well, ds would probably recognise his dad but choose to ignore him.
I have had £20 from him in 7 years. And we only found about about exmil passing when we had a solicitor letter 2 years later!
Every few weeks I ask if they want to see dad. Ds usually replies "do you want hospital food?" Become a running joke now.