To wonder how dads can not bother with their Dc?

[Foxton20]

Me and my ex husband separated in 2013. Since then he was a “decent” dad until he met his partner in 2015. He saw the kids every other weekend and during the week before then. But never paid a penny towards them.

After meeting his partner and having a child with her he has seen them 3x. He has declared he wants nothing to do with them and would like to sign them over so my now husband adopts them.

He doesn’t pay a penny and the times Iv tried he has tried to ruin my life. Threatening me, messaging mine and my in laws etc. It’s not worth the £20 a week.

Today is our oldest 12th birthday and once again not a peep. Nothing from his family either.

How can you sit in your home or going about your life and not think about your oldest child on their birthday?

My husband is amazing and I’m so grateful at how he treats the older two and our child exactly the same. Dd has had another amazing birthday thanks to him.

I don’t was xh in our lives but I wished he was a better man who I could have co parented with. Can’t believe he’s nearly 40 and still immature.

The kids never ask to see him, they have witnessed a lot is abuse sadly.

When I threw XH out for cheating (he was surprised ), he moved straight in with OW, who had at least 4 children by different fathers. He told DD2 that he couldn't give her any money for spending on our couple of days away (literally one overnight stop) because he 'had a new family now'. He did pay maintenance, although he wanted to stop on on her 18th birthday, even though she was still in school. He refused to give her a penny piece for university because 'she chose to go'. He also chose to live abroad and when I learned he had bullied her into smuggling stuff like bacon and black pudding into a Middle Eastern country, my wrath was spectacular.

A couple of years ago, DD2 decided to block him entirely. She had already changed her surname and obtained a new birth certificate at 16 to avoid any connection with him. It has done her the world of good and I have the satisfaction of knowing that none of his children (2 of mine and former stepson) have any time for him. Your kids are lucky to have you and your new DH.

@MarieQueenofScots I was referring to another poster

My dc’s ‘father’ did that- left and never looked back.

Has other dc now. Plays the good dad with them.

It’s heartless.

We do need tougher laws to enforce child support. But that's not going to happen while men run the country.

I'd agree with a stance similar to the US where I believe you can't get married (again) if you owe child support. I'd also support removing their passports, driving licence and then ultimately prison. You'd always have the few who refused to comply but it would be a deterrent against the rest of them.

My DD has one of these deadbeat dads. No money, no birthday cards. A WhatsApp call every month or two as he is abroad. I've never said a bad word about him to her.

Now what's happened is she has in her mind that I'm horrible (clean your room, do chores) and he's magical and wonderful. I would have hoped she'd have more nous at this age and realise that he doesn't give a shit.

He's so awful, I think he's done you and your DC a favour by staying out of their lives and letting a good relationship develop with the man I would call a real father.

I'd also support removing their passports, driving licence and then ultimately prison.

Those things are all available options for CMS.

As is putting a charge on a property. They can even take money (once or regularly) without going to court for a liability order.

They just don’t bother

When you walk into the Registry of Motor Vehicles in the state where I live in the US the first sign that greets you is "If you owe child support you cannot renew your licence"

That should happen in every jurisdiction.

Same here. He was a doting Dad until DC was 13 months when i discovered he was cheating. He hasn't seen DC since. This was Feb 2016.

I cannot and will not EVER understand it.

He said "I have to put first now. She's my priority!!!"

I know I shouldn't have, but I have written to him many times, sent him the odd photo. All in the hope that (as he broke up with home wrecker a couple years ago) that he might want to get to know DC again (I know, I know, kids deserve a father who doesn't have to be pushed into seeing them), but nope!
DC has started asking where Daddy is. It breaks my heart!

@Feedthispiggychoc Awwwww that's heartbreaking. I have a 5yr old DD and I cannot imagine being anything other than devoted to her. She's my whole life.

I'd respond with:
"What is for the better of 'Flossy' is to have her Mummy around her. Either be a proper Mother to her or walk away completely - NO dropping in & out!"

Poor kid will NEVER forgive her for choosing her boyfriend over her. Never.

@Nowayorhighway OMG! What did you say/do when you found out he'd taken the other kids trampolining? I'd have gone batshit... That would've been the last time he saw my kids and the last time he hurt them!

I hope your children are not still hurting and being subjected to his rejection

My mum is an absolute legend, she’s the ultimate mum, on the highest pedestal I can put her on

What an absolutely lovely thing to say @PawPatrolMakesMeDrink

Received a message today completely out of the blue.
“ tell the kids I love them because I’m moving to Rome tomorrow”

So he’s upped and left his gf and their twin boys..

God I’m fuming, I’m over him leaving my two but to leave two 3 year olds without a care in the world has made me so angey

Well as the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour, can you honestly say you're surprised? Don't waste any mental energy on this loser, you are well out of it, and don't pass on his empty declaration of love to your DC. He doesn't know what love is.

@Foxton20 Oh Christ Foxton. I've only just seen your update. I'm gobsmacked. What a selfish bastard!!!

Do you speak to his parents at all??

Nope not at all, Iv tried. Invited them round. They came once and never heard since.

My ds's grandparents have never bothered either. His paternal grandmother didn't even acknowledge he'd been born. Grandad did but hasn't been in touch since ds was about 5 weeks old. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I will never understand how people can be like this.