AIBU to not go to my Son’s and Dil Gender reveal and other dramas

[Leaannb]

For some odd reason My DIL and her friends have decided to plan her Gender Reveal on March 20 at 4pm to 7pm I have a child that doesn’t even get out of school until 345. I don’t leave the parking lot until 4. After that I still need to drop off one brother at work, pick up my youngest child from daycare at 430, go home change at least her clothes then go pick up my mother,get her ready and then drive 45 minutes to the location of the party. We might get there by 545 if we are lucky because it’s right during rush hour traffic and then we would have to leave by 630 still through rush hour traffic so I can get every body home. So I can take my mother home and get her showered and dressed for the evening. All of this after working a 12 hour day. I love my DIL very much but she really needs to lower her expectations of what our involvement level is going to be. There is absolutely no way we can meet her expectations. At this point I have no idea what to do. Not to mention that I’ve already had to fire her due to her refusal to work.Its just getting ridiculous

Are you in America? Is it a bigger deal over there the sex reveal?

Have you told her all this? Or your son?

@Thehop Thanks to Pinterest it has become a very,very big deal her in the States. It wasn’t like this up to about 5 years ago

You’re right - she’s being completely ridiculous. I’ve never really “got” the whole concept of gender reveals or people who think everyone else should be hugely excited about their baby.

I wouldn’t go. The world will still turn if you miss the party.

You fired your pregnant daughter-in-law? 😬

She hasn’t planned it very well if she expects you to attend. Have you spoken to her or your son about the timings and asked if they want you there? Maybe it’s meant to be for their friends more than family

Wha? I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe

I actually really feel for you and think it’s a huge faff for not very much! We just took our mums to the scan 😂 didn’t even do that with the older ones!

Can you explain to her how difficult attending will be and ask if you can face time in?

Don't go. The baby's sex won't change. You'll find out when it's born.

YANBU, gender reveals are grim.

I’m a bit confused by your post though: why did you fire her? Does she work for you? How do you work a 12 hour day and pick hour child up at 3:45? Can your mother not shower and dress herself?

Wait one... You sacked your DIL? Awkward...

I don’t know why you are getting quite so angry about it. Just say, ‘sorry due to my commitments I sadly can’t make it but have a lovely time’. So much anger and drama. It’s just an invitation.

Although all of this is totally irrelevant now anyway given the bombshell you fired her. You’ll never have a good relationship I should imagine.

Just say "Sorry, I cant make it because you need to pick up child from school and would be too late due to rush hour traffic. Have a lovely time!"

Speak to them about how it will impact your day and see if they mite be able to help out with some of the driving about for other ppl Manet they could pick up your mother and take her with them try come to some compromise with them as it mite be important to them but is slot for you with everything else you need to fit in

Don’t bring your mother, and your youngest doesn’t need to get changed.

Ok, so have worked out your DIL knows what gender she is, and related to a forthcoming child.
Maybe you weren't the centre of attention when she planned the event, but she arranged it to suit her and friends, but thought it would be rude not to invite you?

How do you have a child who’s old enough to be married and expecting a baby, and another child young enough to be in daycare? Isn’t that like a 25 year age gap, or something?

Why was your DIL refusing to work? Did she work for you?

Dark star 🤣🤣

she really needs to lower her expectations of what our involvement level is going to be.

Unless there is a massive backstory all she has done is invite you to a party

@Darkstar4855 Yes I do work 12 hour days if not longer and they start very early in the morning. Especially on Fridays. I own a small Home Health Company and that’s payroll day so I have to start very early in the day so people can pick up their checks by 3pm. Sometimes I have to deliver their checks to them because they are unable to pick them up before 3pm. Most Friday evenings I deliver checks to some employees because they don’t have time to pick them up and I refuse for ANY of my employees to go the weekend without their hard earned pay. My mother is in that delicate stage of life where she thinks she can do a lot more than what she really should be doing. So I do it

How did she take the firing, may I ask, OP? Presumably you managed her or fired her from the family business rather than you firing her from any family/DIL role?

So you can't make it then?

She doesn’t want you there. Maybe due to being fired. What did your son say about that?

There is a 26 year gap between my oldest and my youngest. My oldest is actually living in your country for the next 3 years. I have 4 boys and 1 girl. Oldest is turning 25 this year. The one that is getting married is 24, the next one is 17, the next boy is 12 and my little girl turns 5 on Tuesday. Yes they are by the same father

Reverse

You fired her?

Yep she simply doesnt want you there or isnt bothered if you are.

What expectations does she have?