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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not go to my Son’s and Dil Gender reveal and other dramas

268 replies

Leaannb · 29/02/2020 14:49

For some odd reason My DIL and her friends have decided to plan her Gender Reveal on March 20 at 4pm to 7pm I have a child that doesn’t even get out of school until 345. I don’t leave the parking lot until 4. After that I still need to drop off one brother at work, pick up my youngest child from daycare at 430, go home change at least her clothes then go pick up my mother,get her ready and then drive 45 minutes to the location of the party. We might get there by 545 if we are lucky because it’s right during rush hour traffic and then we would have to leave by 630 still through rush hour traffic so I can get every body home. So I can take my mother home and get her showered and dressed for the evening. All of this after working a 12 hour day. I love my DIL very much but she really needs to lower her expectations of what our involvement level is going to be. There is absolutely no way we can meet her expectations. At this point I have no idea what to do. Not to mention that I’ve already had to fire her due to her refusal to work.Its just getting ridiculous

OP posts:
Original poster
Leaannb · 29/02/2020 15:15

@NotStayingIn DIL is very, very upset that I And the next brother will not be there for the Gender Reveal. She is taking this harder than me firing her. I fired her because she tried to commit insurance fraud. Son is telling her to get over it and that it was a stupid time to plan a party. He has told me most people are saying they can’t go because the timing is so damn awkard

OP posts:
bingbangbing · 29/02/2020 15:15

You need to post on an American forum. I don't understand half of this

KilljoysDutch · 29/02/2020 15:16

Wouldn't that be a 19 year age gap? Between a 5 and 24 year old.

HugoSpritz · 29/02/2020 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 29/02/2020 15:16

OK. She's not in the wrong. They organised a party about them when it was best for them.

You can't go because of other commitments. Just say thank you for the invite. Sorry I can't make it all the best.

Absolutely no reason for you slate her (why her and not him?) off and start a drama.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 29/02/2020 15:16

Could they video call you for the 'reveal' moment? I don't think it's possible for you to be there, given what you have to get done.

Original poster
Leaannb · 29/02/2020 15:16

@formerbabe Not a reverse. This is my life right now

OP posts:
itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 29/02/2020 15:16

JFC

Well there's the Niagara Falls of drip feeds.

HollowTalk · 29/02/2020 15:20

My life seems so calm and event-free after reading that!

Original poster
Leaannb · 29/02/2020 15:20

@itsallthedramaMickiloveit That’s what I did and that’s when she kicked off and started the drama. She started the drama about me not going and Son told her what did you expect when you are having it as such an awkward time. Then she kicked off about the 3rd brother not being able to go and Son asked her who did she want there more Him or his brother. Her husband is a GM of a BBQ restaurant and 3rd brother is the assistant manager. So both of them can’t be there

OP posts:
FudgeBrownie2019 · 29/02/2020 15:21

Your initial post says you fired her for refusing to work, then you've said insurance fraud. Make up your mind.

Just don't go. It's so straightforward to say "sorry, can't make it" and leave it there. However I think it's telling that you'll spend your Friday going out of your way to ensure every employee gets their salary, to the point where you'll spend time driving about for them, but won't put yourself out for this gender reveal thing.

itsallthedramaMickiloveit · 29/02/2020 15:23

Would've been helpful if you added that to the OP.

So rinse and repeat. Don't engage.

formerbabe · 29/02/2020 15:23

It's a party on a weekday. That's awkward. It's a gender reveal which is tacky. But you're the grandmother...you should make an effort to show your face.

Original poster
Leaannb · 29/02/2020 15:23

@HugoSpritz Evidently most people aren’t going due to the the very awkward timing. Most people aren’t off work yet and he is trying to reason with her saying it makes more sense to have it on a Saturday afternoon but so far she is refusing.

OP posts:
timetest · 29/02/2020 15:24

It’s physically impossible for you to attend. Say you can’t come and you hope she has a lovely party. Don’t let her turn your absence into a silly drama.
She tried to commit fraud whilst employed by you, wow. You must be the world’s most forgiving mil.

Orangecake123 · 29/02/2020 15:24

Bonkers thread.

Just say you can't come.

SanFrancisco49er · 29/02/2020 15:25

I love the fact this post is about a gender reveal party, a complete non event, but the real gem 'Not to mention I've already had to fire her' is relegated to a mere side note 😂

Orangecake123 · 29/02/2020 15:26

Wow at the drip feeding.

Original poster
Leaannb · 29/02/2020 15:26

@formerbabe There is no way that I can though. It’s impossible just due to picking up the other kids from school. One of them is still in school at 345. There is no way I can pick him up at 345 and my daughter up and drive 45 minutes to the party

OP posts:
iswhois · 29/02/2020 15:26

Gender reveals are obnoxious so I wouldn't go out of principle

Topseyt · 29/02/2020 15:26

I wouldn't say that gender reveal parties are a particularly big thing here in the UK, so plenty of us (including me) just really don't "get" all the fuss surrounding them. Same with baby showers.

Just don't go.

How have family relationships been since you fired your own DIL? Pretty awkward, I imagine.

bingbangbing · 29/02/2020 15:28

So hang on, her husband - your son, can't make it?

I'm so going to need a resolution to this

Silvercatowner · 29/02/2020 15:28

Honestly, this is like an episonde of 'Roseanne'. Or a whole series come to that.

Original poster
Leaannb · 29/02/2020 15:29

@SanFrancisco49er the firing happened months ago so it’s been pretty much been dealt with. I’m assuming you are an American from your user name so I’m sure you are aware how serious our government takes Medicaid fraud. She was having clients signed that she worked when she didn’t. I had no choice but to fire her

OP posts:
bingbangbing · 29/02/2020 15:29

I loved Roseanne