Naming ceremony with no children

[Misunderstoodcheese]

I have been invited to a friend's daughter's naming ceremony which is a beautiful family event or so one would think. I asked if my children are invited and and have been told in no uncertain terms that mine are not. My friend is lovely but she doesn't understand the time and effort that childcare would require. So as not to drip feed other children are being included in the event and I feel that my children have been excluded because we have different believes as mine are baptized.

Can't really say.
I can understand if - say - family children are invited, but not other children?
Or maybe if you are friends as adults (colleagues maybe or friends from a hobby) and she doesn't know your dc well ?

However, - It is an invitation. If you don't want to go, without your dc, than thank her, wish her well, and decline the invitation.

If that was the case, she wouldn't invite you would she?

Why does a naming ceremony have to include lots of children? It’s not welcoming the child into the church family like a christening.

Yours aren’t invited, so you can just choose not to go if you’re put out by it.

Bizarre to include other children but exclude your children on religious grounds. Are you sure that is why or is it just due to size of venue or something?

So you decline the invitation.

Are you sure it’s not to do with your children’s anticipated behaviour? Odd to single yours out for any other reason.

I think your different beliefs theory is a stretch. If that were the case, surely she’d exclude you rather than your children, as it wasn’t your children’s beliefs that led to their baptism, but yours?

It's her day, she invited you you are allowed to say no thank you.

Just say thank you for inviting me, sadly I can't attend due to lack of childcare. I hope you have a lovely day.

Then move on with your life and stop overthinking it.

Sounds more like she doesn’t like your children, for whatever reason.

Are they boisterous (by her standards)? Do either of them have SEN (some people are cunts)?

One of my friends banned my four month old baby from her wedding. She’d never met him. Both older and younger kids were invited (there was a playroom). I have no idea why, but the friendship definitely cooled off (she told me it was a child-free wedding, and lying to me like that didn’t help). Such a pointlessly antagonistic thing to do.

Yeah, I doubt it's due to your children being baptised.

For whatever reason, they are not invited so it is an easy decision of go or not go based on whether you actually want to.

Naming ceremonies are pretty naff anyway so I wouldn't agonise over it

What? I’ve never heard anything so unreasonable as not inviting children to such an event. Surely it’s all about families? Tell her to shove her invite up her arse! And yep PP is right, naming ceremonies are naff.

That would be an inexplicable reason, I'd be looking for another reason, have they maybe been noisy at previous events?

Yes my older child has SEN this may be an issue. They are good kids but by some people's standards they are a little extra. I can't help feel hurt and rejected there are other friends kids invited but mine are excluded and will be very upset when I tell them.

What? I’ve never heard anything so unreasonable as not inviting children to such an event

You don't get out much, do you? 🤣

no, sorry, that's just awful, especially if it turns out to be because of SEN

sure, it's her day, she can invite who she wants, but she can't really expect people not to be hurt and offended, unless she at least gives an explanation, like if it was just family children etc.

I wouldn't go OP

“ but mine are excluded and will be very upset when I tell them“

I’d turn the invite down. Find something more fun to do with your family that day. That way (if it ever gets mentioned) you can tell your DCs you couldn’t go because you were bowling with Aunt Hilda

Misunderstoodcheese YANBU to think this is rude and unpleasant. Of course this 'friend' is entitled to not invite your kids but personally I would not go. Wish the family well, meet the friend for non-child events/pub etc if you want to. but personally I'd just say a simple no to the invite.

"Yes my older child has SEN this may be an issue. They are good kids but by some people's standards they are a little extra. I can't help feel hurt and rejected there are other friends kids invited but mine are excluded" That's totally understandable.

"...and will be very upset when I tell them." I personally would not tell them unless you have to. Just do something else nice on the day.

Why would you tell them? . Unless you’ve already told them they’re going? How old are they?

Sounds an arsey sort of event, anyway - are you sure you want to go? But maybe your kids have a reputation for being free-range?

Maybe the kids know about the event already. It wouldn't need the OP to tell them, necessarily. In a village or small town circle of friends then many people may know about an event.

Ah, the drip-feed - they're 'a little extra.' Surely you understand that - whatever the cause - people don't want their special events being overwhelmed by other people's children being 'a little extra.' It's not as if you're family.
Why do you waste people's time by pretending you think it's about yours having been baptised!

“A little extra” sounds like a cutesy phrase for hard work, op? Just how difficult is their behaviour, realistically?

Ceremonies aren’t much fun for children anyway. Why not take them for a day out you’ll all enjoy?

Some nasty comments on here.

Even if the kids are a little extra work, if their mum is a good friend who they want at their special event then maybe they can accept that some kids at their event are not going to be really well behaved all the time.

Maybe in a few years time that will be the baby at the centre of the naming ceremony!

My kids are good with kind hearts but they can get upto mischief just like any other child. We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules. This may also be an issue. We do have very different beliefs.