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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naming ceremony with no children

187 replies

Misunderstoodcheese · 28/02/2020 23:01

I have been invited to a friend's daughter's naming ceremony which is a beautiful family event or so one would think. I asked if my children are invited and and have been told in no uncertain terms that mine are not. My friend is lovely but she doesn't understand the time and effort that childcare would require. So as not to drip feed other children are being included in the event and I feel that my children have been excluded because we have different believes as mine are baptized.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 29/02/2020 01:34

"This may also be an issue. We do have very different beliefs."

Sounds like beliefs may mean beliefs about child rearing not just about baptism. I have a child with additional needs and it is not easy but I do have rules and boundaries and I did worry when we went to a wedding. I was worried my child would be noisy. I had plans in place if they did get noisy but in the end a toddler made loads more noise than my dd!

It sounds like your friend has her/his reasons for not wanting to have your children there. It's there call and it's your choice if you stay friendfs.

I think it sounds like the relationship with your friend may work better if it is you and her/him as adult friends and you don't need to do loads of stuff with your kids/their kids.

Leaannb · 29/02/2020 01:34

@Missunderstoodcheese That’s why I wouldn’t be inviting them. “Without the interference of adult rules”. Yep absolutely not. I would be absolutely furious if my child’s baptism and receiving of the name of it’s Patron Saint.

Italiangreyhound · 29/02/2020 01:35

their call...

puds11 · 29/02/2020 01:38

I just wouldn’t go. Don’t tell your kids they aren’t invited, that’s mean. Tell her you aren’t going and you’re sure she understands why.

haveyoutriedgoogle · 29/02/2020 01:41

Sooo essentially you let your kids run wild and then are surprised people don’t want them at their events?
I think you need to prepare yourself OP for this being the first of many, many situations like this you find yourself in. This isn’t about SEN or religious beliefs, but all about your parenting (or lack thereof).

florababy84 · 29/02/2020 01:50

My kids are good with kind hearts but they can get upto mischief just like any other child. We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules. This may also be an issue. We do have very different beliefs.

This actually almost sounds like a joke post. I'm sorry that it's hard to be excluded like that but many people find it very disruptive to have children around who aren't disciplined. Part of your choice not to discipline them is that they'll be excluded from things.

Samtsirch · 29/02/2020 01:52

haveyoutriedgoogle

There really is no comeback to you is there.

BumblePan · 29/02/2020 01:58

I think this post is a wind up....

FedUpOfAdulting · 29/02/2020 02:38

That's pretty much word for word what the parents on American wife swap said, that was on tv last night. They liked their children to be natural without the interference of adult rules too. That's a coincidence isn't it OP?! Hmm

Vedaisawesome · 29/02/2020 03:19

@Misunderstoodcheese Gird your loins, armour your feelings and get used to it. My sister has SEN and is socially awkward as is her husband. She is in her late 40s. Never a problem or so we thought until her cousins got married. He didn't invite them and cited numbers to me and fact he was less close to her. I accepted the invitation and the explanation. Imagine my surprise when there was 150 or more at the wedding. My sister only lived half hour down the road so could even have just gone to evening do. He was a lawyer with a city job and didn't want my sister there. I made feelings plain to uncle and my female cousin (grooms sister) who was getting married 6 months later. Lol and behold female cousin did the same. I kicked up a right stink and called them out. My sister was really looking forward to the wedding as she couldn't understand why cousin wouldn't invite her. Eventually they said sister and her husband could go if we just forgot about and everyone was pleasant on day. I agreed and we all went. Was having a really good day until my aunt (bride's mother) blanked me and my DH and refused offer of dance by my DH. She wouldn't even say hello to me or shake hands in greeting line. So gloves off. I told other relatives of their disgusting behaviours and went NC since. So did my sister. How dare people treat others this way. Everyone fits in no matter how they are.

Leaannb · 29/02/2020 03:46

@Bedaisawesome You were you to demand invitations for someone else. You were way out of line. No wonder you were blanked. No big loss being cut off from you I’m sure

Schmoozer · 29/02/2020 03:50

This is SUCH a windup !!! 😂😂😂

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 29/02/2020 03:58

Oh come on, wind up. Night time post on a divisive topic (kids at weddings) chuck in a red flag to stir it up (SEN). Are the kids twins Hmm

Yehdivvy · 29/02/2020 04:46

Just decline the invitation, job done.

You don't have to be friends with people who don't agree with your lack of parenting skills.

She can breathe a sigh of relief that your kids aren't going to spoil her daughter's special day with their 'natural behaviour'. Winners both sides. Now move on.

CJsGoldfish · 29/02/2020 04:47

Damn!

I was sucked in Grin

Nanny0gg · 29/02/2020 07:29

This actually almost sounds like a joke post.

Almost?

DanielRicciardosSmile · 29/02/2020 07:33

Ahh you were doing so well until the gentle parenting OP. 7/10. Must try harder.

lunar1 · 29/02/2020 07:38

So you'd happily leave them expressing themselves at an event where someone had put time and money into arranging? You really think your family are that special? Imagine the world if everyone just went around expressing themselves all the time. 🤦🏻‍♀️

DirtyTicket · 29/02/2020 07:38

Righto.

LolaSmiles · 29/02/2020 07:39

We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules
This has to be wind up, but as I've met people who say this sort of thing I'll reply in good faith.
Your children haven't been invited due to baptism status.
Your children haven't been invited due to SEND needs
They've not been invited because your friend has probably correctly realised that your approach to parenting is likely to disrupt their family's special day.

AlwaysCheddar · 29/02/2020 07:41

Your kids are a PITA because you can’t be bothered to parent them.. is that what your friend is thinking?

LynetteScavo · 29/02/2020 07:58

We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules. This may also be an issue.

It's definitely the issue.

onanothertrain · 29/02/2020 08:01

Either a wind up or a reverse

Original poster
Misunderstoodcheese · 29/02/2020 08:05

This is on no way a wind up. We gentle parent but isn't that the way children should be brought up? My friend told me in a text this morning that it was her friends idea that my children shouldn't be included but she didn't say why they thought that. They will enjoy the experience and the event. And no they aren't twins and no this isn't a wind up.

OP posts:
LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 29/02/2020 08:08

I think your friend is being a dick. If the kids will be upset, don't go.