Naming ceremony with no children

[Misunderstoodcheese]

I have been invited to a friend's daughter's naming ceremony which is a beautiful family event or so one would think. I asked if my children are invited and and have been told in no uncertain terms that mine are not. My friend is lovely but she doesn't understand the time and effort that childcare would require. So as not to drip feed other children are being included in the event and I feel that my children have been excluded because we have different believes as mine are baptized.

I ‘gentle parent’ but by that I mean that I don’t use physical discipline. My daughter knows damn well how to behave wherever she is. She has only once not been invited to an event. It was a wedding and other children going either.

I doubt it’s your religious beliefs that are the reason.

If I was the invitee I'd tell you the reason:

"At this event there will be adult rules. So I'm sure you'll agree that this is not an event which is suited to you and your family."

I just wanted to know if I was BU to think that our different beliefs was a good reason to exclude my children

It appears that your method of parenting has resulted in your children not being invited to an event where other children were invited. If you still believe that your way of parenting is the right way, then crack on, but these are the consequences

I have a friend who “gentle parents”, her kids are incredibly badly behaved & I wouldn’t want them at any special event that I was organising. So YABU.

I don’t think you’re doing your kids any favours OP.

No you're not BU if the reason was differing religious beliefs but it's probably a 'gentle' excuse. The real reason is likely to be that you don't enforce boundaries and your children are not capable of being trusted to behave at the event.

If this is the consequence of your gentle parenting then how are you parenting at all? Parenting is teaching kids how to fit into society so that they can reap the rewards that society brings. Look into (eg) theories on how altruism is inherently selfish if you want to know more. Sounds like you need to reconsider whether you're doing right by your kids.

I don’t worry about gentle parenters. They so get their come uppance in the teenage years.

Your story is a little inconsistent. First you say your kids are probably excluded because they are baptized and hers are not, then it's about SEN, then it's about "gentle parenting" (which you believe is the only right way to parents). But you have not actually been told why your kids are excluded and people seem to be unwilling to tell you.

You sound a little judgemental OP. I think you should consider yourself lucky to be invited at all.

OP, you said that your DC are baptised. That means that you took a vow to raise them as Christians.
This means teaching them consideration for others, good manners, and how to conduct themselves in public, among other things. Having sensible rules and boundaries is part of that.
It’s ironic that Christian children are apparently not welcome at an atheist’s naming party because they can’t be trusted to behave as Christians!

I didn't come here for abuse and personal attacks on my parenting I just wanted to know if I was BU to think that our different beliefs was a good reason to exclude my children.

Yes, YABU and yes, your different beliefs to parenting IS a good reason to exclude your children. There. And that’s not just my opinion but pretty much everybody else’s on here as well 😀

"a little extra"

My kids are good with kind hearts but they can get up to mischief just like any other child. We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules but My children know how to behave they are not going to be tearing around like wild animals contradicts your statement of adult rules. You must have set some rules for them to know how to behave. Maybe their behaviour is not to the liking of others.

"My kids are good with kind hearts but they can get upto mischief just like any other child. We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules"

Is this thread/post some sort of attemept at satirical humour or a reverse?

I don't get the whole no children thing in general to be honest. But it's odd for children not to be invited to somethingike this which is a ceremony to invite a child into the community. However it is her event and her choice if it was me I would just decline the invitation and say I couldn't get childcare.

My friend is lovely but she doesn't understand the time and effort that childcare would require.

Is this because people don’t want to babysit the rule-free children?

Ok. So you don't tell your children to stop making a nouse/running riot etc because you want them.to express themselves, is that right?

This type of thing is a pain at social.gatherings it really is. Your kids ruin a nice experience for other people because you wont tell them to quiet down.

It is NOTHING to do with religion and everything to do with you being incredibly selfish and putting your children's 'needs' before everyone else.

I remember a "Gentle Parent" at a toddler group which I used to take DS to. One day the child of the GP snatched a toy from another child, the other child started to cry, walked away with toy and horrible smirk on his face. GP tried to persuade her child to give toy back, her child completely ignored her, so she just trailed her child discarded the toy and the gave it back to original child who was still crying. GP then came over to me and said "that's how you do it, look no tantrums" I replied "what about the other child, he was quite upset by what your child did" to which she pretended she hadn't heard me and walked away. She never spoke to me again.

I used to be a teacher and it's partly because of people like her and you that made leave the profession. Children believe they can do what the hell they like and there are no consequences. Discipline your children.

*GP child walked away with toy and smirk

We don’t know if it’s her parenting, disability, or numbers causing the issue though do we?

Sorry OP, but given your updates YABU. You can parent however you want but I’m afraid that other people are perfectly justified to decide that they don’t want your children expressing themselves all over their event. It will have nothing at all to do with the fact that they are baptised or have SEN.

Maybe your friend believes in "gentle friendships" without the interference of feral children's "mischief", and this is the natural consequence of your parenting choices.

So basically your children will ruin the event for everyone and you won't do a thing about it.

I wouldn't invite them either. If you want your children to socialize with other people then they need to learn to behave first.

Not sure why you would want to go anyway. Sounds a bit wanky

We are gentle parents and really do try to let our little ones express themselves naturally and without the interference of adult rules.

Oh dear OP - your kids are horrors and unfortunately are gonna to find themselves excluded more and more because of the way they express themselves their shitty behaviour

Reported as a wind-up.

Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting where children are left to run wild, it isn't funny to mock parenting styles when you don't even understand the basics of what the parenting styles involve @Misunderstoodcheese.

Oooof Mumsnet at its finest here. Some really brutal comments on the OPs parenting.

For the record I agree that children who run riot at an event and aren't disciplined would be a pain. And for that reason can understand why they may have been excluded but are such personal attacks on the op and her kids really necessary?