Posting on Facebook about a deceased relative

[glitteryboots]

I know someone who lost their father probably about a month ago now. Very sad but not entirely unexpected - in his 80s. Lots of sympathetic comments on Facebook - fair enough - I posted my condolences also. However, she is putting on posts about her father every single day - not always pictures but something that refers to him. I think if you are grieving you should grieve with close friends and family not try and get sympathetic messages online every five minutes. In between the messages there are pictures of her going to the cinema or out for a meal - AIBU?

You are so incredibly judgemental op.
I’ve lost both parents- life gos on, just because this person is posting things online, does not mean she’s not broken inside.

I would rather people post their feelings to get it out, than hold them in until they self destruct- literally.

We all grieve in different ways.
Don’t be a dick.

@Graeb

Having lost my Dad recently I would guess she feels like people have forgotten about it and she is the only one missing him so much. After the initial days and funeral pass it seems like everyone else carries on with their life. For her the whole world has changed and she is devastated. If it brings her comfort to post and for people to validate her feelings then its good she is finding an outlet for her grief.

What exactly do you want her to do op?

Stop posting about her parents death and stop going out because she should be at home crying into a pillow?

Social media gives the person who is grieving space to communicate with others and feel less alone. They might not want a response but they know they’ve said how they’re feeling.

Exactly that. And if you don't like it OP, unfollow. I think your post and attitude is horrible, what if the person doing it comes across this post? The poor woman is grieving in her own way, there is no manual for it. Leave her the fuck alone and don't be so spiteful.

My friend had a still born last year and posted every single detail on Facebook, including the photo shoot they had done of her. It was horrific.

She’s fucking grieving

Have some empathy!

It’s sad that when you say it was horrific, you mean horrific for you- rather than for them.

@Thefaceofboe

well to be honest after my brother's death I couldn't have socialised so soon never mind post on Facebook. I would burst out crying if I met anyone. Close friends came to the house - I just think some people live their life too played out on social media and maybe not making genuine connections, which might actually help them.

I don't want to add to what is becoming a bit of a pile on, I just think that a bit of self reflection might be a good thing and help you learn a bit of empathy with others who are bereaved and handling it differently to you. I don't think you are intending to be horrible but what you wrote above was very judgemental and it's clear that you can't see it. You are implying that people who socialise after losing a loved one (and you were actually replying to my comment, where I told you that I attended a party in the aftermath of the worst bereavement of my life) are grieving less than you did, or that they love their relative less than you. Can you not see why this is upsetting people? I have spent many years coming to terms with my loss and am now in a place where I can let opinions like yours wash over me, because I know you're wrong and I don't require your approval, but some people are still more fragile or at a different stage and your judgement could really affect them. I suspect it's why so many people have reacted with anger on this thread. They are entitled to feel that.

Also, being active on social media does not imply a lack of real life human connections.

@Jellybeansincognito No the pictures themselves were lovely but it’s not nice to see a dead baby on your Facebook page, especially with no trigger warning. However, I understand that was their way of grieving and I would never of said this to them

You sound nice OP.

@thefaceofboe Parents of stillborn children have the right to mark the birth of their baby just like any other parents. Those images are the only ones they'll ever have of their child. It may have been upsetting for you to see but you got to move on with your life. They didn't. Have some empathy.

YABU. Just unfollow her.

You want a grieving mother to put a trigger warning on photos of her much loved child? @ Thefaceofboe

If the pictures were so lovely, why on earth do they need a trigger warning?

What a contradiction.

there’s some disgraceful comments on this thread, some of you should be absolutely ashamed.

I agree with you op, I hate this side of Facebook. Also hate when people post about being in hospital, “waiting for tests” etc! I think it is just a need they have to look for attention and sympathy!
However, if that gets them through hard times and is how people want to live their lives, there’s nothing you or anyone else can do, other than either respond, scroll past or unfriend!

I’m a very private person and would never post like this, the most I ever do is change my profile picture on my mum’s anniversary to one of her!

I don’t think you are a horrible person as some pps are saying. You are just being honest about what you think and certainly not being unreasonable. You’re as entitled to your opinion as everyone else!

@peachgreen I have empathy, thank you. She is a very good friend of mine and have been there for her and her partner throughout the whole thing. I just personally struggle seeing things like that on social media, but like I said above, everyone grieves differently.

You’re absolutely right. People who grieve are just pathetic. People who need to voice their grief publicly are just so crass. Fortunately you’re such a better person and have come on MN to just reinforce how wonderful you are in comparison to your crass grieving friend. You know how to grieve appropriately thank God! It’s likely down to better breeding. Tell her she’s being an insufferable bore - she’ll surely thank you ... you can consider it charity work.

REALLY?!?!?!!?!???!? REALLY?!?!? YABU. JESUS CHRIST. You’re moaning about her posting grief on FB while posting on MN about HER grief?!

This cannot be genuine. If it is ... take a good look at yourself.

OP - don't be an arsehole. Let her grieve the way she wants to. My grandmother died very recently, there have been a few fb posts by cousins, etc. I dont care - let them grieve how they want. Maybe you need to unfriend her, you dont seem much of a friend anyway by way of judging her grief.

Indeed @peachgreen

I bet the PP wouldn’t put a trigger warning on photos of her living children, which I’m sure are a huge trigger to people who are suffering a private miscarriage, or infertility, or child loss.

There’s lots of things not very nice things on social media, some people don’t have the the benefit of scrolling past and forgetting.

It’s a shame social media use doesn’t teach people some empathy.

@Jellybeansincognito you sound a very argumentative person? Obviously I don’t want a trigger warning but I can see why people find it hard to look at (including me!)

each to their own.
If you don't like it unfollow her

Well, she's posting for attention - and so are you, OP. If you're ok with doing it yourself then how can you object to her posting about an actual loss?

I wouldn't do it, many people wouldn't - some would. I dislike most of what FB is so I visit seldom. Works for me.

@Jellybeansincognito also, I haven’t said she shouldn’t of posted them, it’s her social media page and her choice. However for ME, I don’t like seeing things like that. But like posters have been saying to the OP, if you don’t like it, you can unfollow.

She’s a very good friend of yours? @peachgreen?

I bet she wouldn’t be if she knew how you really felt.

After being there with her through it all, you came to this thread with a disgraceful comment about how people who have been through that should add a trigger warning to their child’s photos.

Not such a good friend huh.

just unfollow her if it bothers you so much