Posting on Facebook about a deceased relative

[glitteryboots]

I know someone who lost their father probably about a month ago now. Very sad but not entirely unexpected - in his 80s. Lots of sympathetic comments on Facebook - fair enough - I posted my condolences also. However, she is putting on posts about her father every single day - not always pictures but something that refers to him. I think if you are grieving you should grieve with close friends and family not try and get sympathetic messages online every five minutes. In between the messages there are pictures of her going to the cinema or out for a meal - AIBU?

If it's helping her then it's really none of your business.

I would feel the same as you because I find that type of social media use uncomfortable, but ultimately there's no right or wrong way to grieve.

Someone I know does this for a parent at least once a month for a death multiple years ago on anything from a big event through to mundane life tasks. I find it awkward and every time there's the same few friends replying the same old "you're so strong Hun ♥️♥️ Terry would be proud of you... Elaine is looking down on you gorgeous." But that's their way of grieving and if it helps them then it's easy to scroll on past.

What a mean person.

There's no right or wrong way to grieve.

If you feel uncomfortable with her way of grieving then unfollow, scroll on by or unfriend.

Posting on here about - pretty crass.

In between the messages there are pictures of her going to the cinema or out for a meal What’s wrong with that?
Also why is it a problem for her daughter and mother? It’s not a daily reminder you don’t fucking forget people after a month. Don’t be ridiculous. You are not her friend just unfriend her.

YABU. Your whole post screams insensitivity tbh. It's none of your business how she chooses to grieve and I'd say if cinema and meals are helping her to get through this awful time then that's great. Her life will never be the same again and she's probably just doing whatever she can to cope. What a shitty thing to judge someone about.

Just because you don’t agree with it or think it “strange” doesn’t make it any less ok for you to say how she should and should not be grieving. End of. If you’re so concerned about her reach out to her, offer help and support. Don’t sit back judging.

To be fair she isn't a friend as such and she does live her whole life on Facebook. I suppose everyone does grieve differently but the only time I post is when it is the anniversary of my brother's death, who she knew far better than I know her and she never ever comments.

YABU. It’s up to her how she process and displays her grief. You sound judgmental, cold and heartless. Quick answer here OP is to unfollow her if her posts wind you up so much

Hate it. It should be private. Maybe I'm cynical after a friend of mine found out her son had been killed in an RTA via FB, before the police had come to the house.

I lost my Dad last year and aside from anything else, a month is not a long time when you are grieving. I may not do SM but it doesn't mean I don't want to talk about my Dad all the time. Have you ever lost a parent?

Just unfollow.

Different people grieve in different ways I guess, maybe that’s just the way she feels better and is able to share her grief and her feelings with her close friends and family? Is there an option to unfollow her if you’d rather not see her posts? That may just be the best option and leave her to it :)

Back in olden days mourning was signified by clothing and even jewellery for extended socially acceptable periods of time, and people could read those ‘signals’ and understand that the person was ‘in mourning’
I guess she is using Facebook in exactly the same way, and whilst it’s not what I would do I understand her need to remind the world she is in mourning..

Emmapeeler1 have lost many relatives including my father and brother - actually had to get the Police to knock down my brother's door and he was found dead so yes I know what grief is. I just don't think it's something that should be publicly paraded for everyone. I have cried many tears, talked to friends and family and even phoned the Samaritans so I'm not cold hearted.

Maybe some people who never post private information would think you were attention seeking for posting on anniversaries. Everyone is different. It's very mean spirited and ugly to judge someone for the way they express their grief. If posting online is helping her - even if that's because she is getting some attention - then that's good. You can unfollow her, as can her mother and other relatives if they don't want to see the posts either.

As for the comment about her going for meals and to the cinema, just wow. The insinuation seems to be that her grief is not genuine if she is able to socialise. I think most people who have lost someone (so almost everybody) would relate to the fact that you can still find moments of happiness amongst the despair. In the aftermath of a loved one's death (which absolutely devastated me and took years to recover from), I attended a friend's birthday party. I actually managed to have fun for a few hours. I would have been absolutely crushed to read a comment like the one you've made in your OP because I already felt guilty enough for being able to occasionally smile. Nobody should feel guilty for that and it isn't an indicator that someone's grief is not real.

Usesomecaution that's very true.

You grieve your way and let her grieve her way. The best thing you can do for her is to unfriend her because she doesn't need people like you in her life right now.

IWantT0BreakFree well to be honest after my brother's death I couldn't have socialised so soon never mind post on Facebook. I would burst out crying if I met anyone. Close friends came to the house - I just think some people live their life too played out on social media and maybe not making genuine connections, which might actually help them.

Leave her be op. It's not what I did when my mum died but so what? It's not harming you. You don't sound empathetic. Perhaps you should remember that some people think and feel differently to you.

user32564567 I'm not in her life and do not comment on the posts - I was asking for opinions but if she were a close friend I would as if she was ok and if there was anything I could do to help.

And I don't know why I can't have an opinion on this without being a horrible person. It's not as if I would ever post anything on her page.

To be fair she isn't a friend as such and she does live her whole life on Facebook. I suppose everyone does grieve differently but the only time I post is when it is the anniversary of my brother's death, who she knew far better than I know her and she never ever comments.

Ah so now we have the root of your problem with her. You are vexed because she doesn't offer you sympathy when you are looking for it. Her loss is fresh though OP (not that grief should really be compared) and maybe it's just a case of her not noticing your yearly posts.

When my dd died it was all over my local fb page. Total Strangers commenting on something they knew nothing about.
Noone in my family posted.

I lost my daughter and granddaughter a year ago. I post almost daily. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I don’t have to explain why I post...or made to feel bad for it. It’s none of your business. If you don’t like it either unfollow so you don’t see their timeline or remove them as a friend. It’s their grief and theirs alone...not yours to judge.

Wow. Op please don't judge. I think this post is rather cruel actually. I lost my dad recently and if for one second I thought that any of my so called friends were judging me for any posts i put up in social media about him, well it would break my heart.
I don't put a lot up but it is definitely a channel for my grief. Facebook does this thing were it shows you "memories". It's lovely, but sad, and i don't know... nice to share sometimes with my family events I'm happier times.
Please don't be cruel. To lose someone you love with all your heart- and then someone slagging you off on Mumsnet.... that's awful 😕