To ask for help from fellow procastinating under achievers?

[Hingeandbracket]

It started when I failed to do any work at University because there was no-one there to make me.

I have lurched through various jobs with varying degrees of success and or failure.

I berate myself for being lazy and disorganised - but surely it's not as simple as that.

Has anyone climbed out of the pit of their own despair in such circumstances and gone on to become Sir Richard Branson?

I'm the same. It's painful to think about what could have been achieved if I'd had some drive. Got a good selection of skills and excelled at school. Never been motivated since...

Sadly, sadly following for ideas and a kick up the arse.

Have you considered whether or not you might have ADHD?

You are my people! Dicked around forever, pretty bright so came through school & uni successfully in terms of grades etc but never knuckled down & had to work, which has served me so badly in life. Really lacking any oomph to anything.

www.clinical-partners.co.uk/insights-and-news/adult-adhd-aspergers/item/adhd-in-women-why-is-it-so-undiagnosed?category_id=36

I was very lazy in school but bright enough to coast through with above average marks. Didn't go to uni because I couldn't be arsed/ knew I wouldn't get the work done.
Have coasted ever since and now have a lovely job with a fair level of responsibility which I'm terrified that I'll lose because of procrastination! I've managed to keep things going and they seem pretty pleased with me but I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to drop the ball...

Have you considered whether or not you might have ADHD?

Many many times - but I have serious doubts about what getting a diagnosis would actually do for me at age 58.

Dicked around forever, pretty bright so came through school & uni successfully in terms of grades etc but never knuckled down & had to work, which has served me so badly in life. Really lacking any oomph to anything.

Eeeeek this me exactly (except Uni).

Part of me feels the modern world is geared to super-organised motivated gits who plan everything to flip.

That isn't me and, frankly I am tired of feeling bad about myself on that basis.

@MrTumblesSpottyHag. I had a lovely job which I spent worrying about imposter syndrome even thought they liked me. Then I got a new boss and she basically fired me for not being organised and working as furiously as her at all times.

"Many many times - but I have serious doubts about what getting a diagnosis would actually do for me at age 58."

It would give you an explanation as to why you are like you are - rather than thinking of yourself as lazy and disorganised, and potentially help with self-esteem if that's a problem for you. It would give you some protection under the equalities act so that employers would have to make reasonable adjustments to accommodate your disability.

If you opted for medication, it could make managing your life inside and outside of work easier.

Even if you don't go for a diagnosis, you could try to access some ADHD self-help strategies which tend to focus on very simple, easy to keep up, organisational systems - so helpful for both ADHDers and just those who find this stuff difficult. I really like this book, some of its tips have been life changing for me:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1592335128/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I also really like these podcasts - loads of great tips, and makes you realise you are not alone in your chaos and disorganisation!...

www.adhdrewired.com/podcast/

And make sure you are trying to eat plenty of protein and limit refined carbs - protein has been shown to help with attention, and refined carbs and sugar have the opposite effect. Also exercise is meant to really help too (I am far from nailing this one!). And try to follow a healthy diet and sleep routine, These things are helpful whether you not you have ADHD - they just help everyone generally and with focus and attention.

The procrastination is the worst, I agree - I have had limited success with timing what I am doing at work - I tried doing 20 min slots which work for some people but didn't for me but I found the act of having a timer set and going got me started and gave me a sense of urgency somehow!

At home with tasks I struggle with like cleaning and tidying - I do 15 minute quick clean. I do as much as I can in 15 mins and then stop. Much easier to get myself motivated to do 15 mins than thinking I need to spend as long as it takes to clean a room for example. I then try to do as much as I can as quickly as I can which keeps me focussed and stops me getting distracted. I don't manage it everyday but my house is better because of it.

I still procrastinate much more than I'd like but these things have been helpful.

I have other MH issues too though and when these hit, the above go out the window! Life feels hard at times doesn't it!

Thanks for the links @MiniMum1997 I will follow them up.

This is me. I am convinced I have undiagnosed ADHD and intend to follow up with my GP. It feels like at age 44 I am incapable of performing like an adult.

Hello. I'm here too and could have written a few of these posts myself. Never managed to stick to a job for long before I got really itchy feet. University drop out, not because I'm stupid, I just can't seem to study unless I'm totally interested in the subject (by which time I'd already been ballsing up my studies and winging it since GCSEs).

I'm also now in the quagmire of being at home with a child with SEND who isn't in school, so I've effectively been on maternity leave since 2011. Due to not working we're not able to afford for me to learn to drive (another thing I've fucked up and couldn't manage when I first tried) - which, along with getting some kind of job, was what I was supposed to do about 5 years ago.

I should be thinking up some super way to work from home but can't seem to work out what/how.

I don't know if I'm lazy, dim or just a total loser.

@MrTumblesSpottyHag I could have written your post exactly!

I work in low skilled labour and when people find out I have a degree and ask why I don't work in that field, I always tell them it's because I lack any drive or ambition.
This is correct, but also combined with a lack of confidence and the kind of perfectionism where if I know I won't be able to do something perfectly I won't bother trying to do it in the first place.

Whilst I was at school I hated the fact I had to do work then and there. I always thought "I can do this at home" and promptly never did.

As an individual and an employer I find indecisive and dithering types somewhat unattractive. It doesn’t instil confidence around anything to be honest, and doesn’t do long term job prospects, achievements and dare I even mention relationship commitments any good long term. It’s difficult sometimes to get a good balance between being over confident, a perfectionist and under achieving, but it’s worth working on as all aspects of your life can ultimately be so much better if you can get a sense of balance. Striving to do a bit more, achieve more in a day, a week, a year, be good at a wide range of life skills is rewarding. The alternative just makes me think it’s a life wasted. You only get one life, live it as best you can.

I feel like I'm getting worse as I age! I'm 51! I'm wondering about ADHD as dd has it and we have similar traits. It might explain why I never succeeded at school. I could talk well in lessons but not get it down on paper.

What I find is I have so many things I need to do and want to do I feel overwhelmed and do nothing. 😩

My dd (adult) has recently started concerta for ADHD but I wouldn't be able to take it with my other health issues. Maybe talking therapy or something would help?

While I can appreciate your point of view Getitwright, unfortunately for ADHD people that's easier said than done.

Things have changed over the years and people are getting more diagnoses of a whole range of educational needs but when I was young I was written off as lazy and/or naughty. So I lost all confidence in my ability.

I can see why this isn't appealing to employers but please don't assume that it's because people aren't necessarily put the work in to improve their prospects.

Basically "striving to do a bit more" didn't work. People who are able to work harder don't understand people who can't and vice versa!

I fit in this category, but I have a diagnosis of ASC that explains why I have never reached my 'potential'. Prior to the diagnosis 2 years ago I felt like a massive failure. I have a good brain on me and am educated to degree level, but now I have dc I can only work part time in a low stress job. Now I see that, considering the circumstances, I've done really well. Change your standards, OP, then you won't feel like an underachiever.

Hope I wasn’t being too judgemental, but all I can say is if you think there might be some underlying reason, don’t ponder too long on finding out, but get help, and make this a first step. Taking control and trying to remain positive can help. The steps don’t need to be giant leaps, little at a time is also good.Everyone, no matter their upbringing, wealth, stress levels, everyday challenges, has something to offer in this world of ours. The secret is to try and find out what yours is, and then hopefully connect with someone, or somewhere that can bring out that potential. Wishing you all the best.😁

Yep, that's me. ADHD here too.

No I don't feel you were being judgemental Getitwright! It's a pretty tricky one to navigate from both sides. But, ultimately, employers have the power. Applicants have to suck it up!!!

Basically I've navigated by being self employed atm but I worry for dd! She's got so much to give and such ability when she can channel herself!