To ask for help from fellow procastinating under achievers?

[Hingeandbracket]

It started when I failed to do any work at University because there was no-one there to make me.

I have lurched through various jobs with varying degrees of success and or failure.

I berate myself for being lazy and disorganised - but surely it's not as simple as that.

Has anyone climbed out of the pit of their own despair in such circumstances and gone on to become Sir Richard Branson?

Yep - me too, to all of this. I have finally got to retirement so don't have to worry so much - but still feel guilty

I've just read the link give above, skim read it and decided to bookmark it to read another time - only to find it was already bookmarked and forgotten about

I'd love a diagnosis just to get everyone me off my back.

Maybe self -employment would suit you better if you hit on the right idea?

Reading this thread with interest. Apologies if what I’m about to say is a jumble.

I was one of the kids who did really well at school but found the workplace hard - politics etc. I did enjoy school but never enjoyed the workplace.

I get on much better working at home and struggle with the noise and interruptions at work. So I have got focus etc.

In the last couple of years, I’ve really fallen down on focus and long term attention. I’m not sure if this is partly because of the multi tasking that’s usually demanded at work.

But I’m not happy with it. I am very organised but I do procrastinate. It’s a weird mix but it’s holding me back in small ways. For example, I should look at moving areas, but it seems such a daunting task. I really dislike the area I live in. I could definitely do better and earn more.

I should have much more patience with my elderly mother but often feel she’s getting in the way of....surfing the internet. How mad is that?

I want to address it but not sure how.

This is really interesting to read. I am fairly well organised as I have to be otherwise it feels like chaos and I get anxious. I do have anxiety issues which I kind of manage with citalopram and behaviour. But I do struggle with focus and lots of the other things in the article and that people have mentioned. Really feeling true!

I'm dyslexic but it I manage it well after being diagnosed at 11 I have developed loads of coping strategies and to be fair did have some help early on. Anyway I mention this because I wonder if its possible to just have really good coping strategies so things like this go undiagnosed? I tend to over compensate and worry I'm so inefficient that I'll spend ages on something.

Maybe self -employment would suit you better if you hit on the right idea?

If that's aimed at me - I already am self employed after my most recent firing. It's not work I really enjoy though, just something I can make a living at. I realise this is very much a first-world complaint and I know I am lucky to be living in the UK BTW.

I've thought about self employment before but really.... Doing what?! I wouldn't have a clue where to start.

There's courses that I think I would enjoy. But I'm too scared to try them, spend money and time etc... When I don't trust myself not to quit. It's horrible and it's my fault so I can't really blame anyone else 🤷

Fuckity, re courses

I booked an evening class on something I really like. I couldn’t be arsed to go to more than the first one and I was very lucky it got cancelled and I got a refund.

I’m a major homebody which is an issue when it comes to trying to achieve anything more.

I do also have depression and anxiety but had that for years, still managed evening classes in the past.

This is soo me. I have tears reading through some of the messages. I'm intelligent. other people tell me how intelligent I am. I had teachers literally screaming at me in school because I was failing to do the work that reflected my ability. I find it hard to sustain concentration or make decisions. Even with things I like like Quilting I start a project then change my mind so many times I have tons of unfinished projects. Unless I follow a pattern exactly.

I feel like madsive faure in life. No job do I enjoy. If I go shopping for food even the indecision between two tins of baked beans or something can have me taking ages.

Went back to uni as an adult and cannot be motivation and the concentration to do an essay feels far too hard so majorly fucking that up as well. Im the Queen of procrastination. Im now in my 40s and feel there's no hope.

And yes I have nearly 50 pages open on my phone. I cant decide which to close.

Please ignore bad spelling am on the bus.

Catherine you may have seen this and I apologise if it’s annoying

But just in case it helps....

I don’t really do shops, for example. I always go to the smallest ones if I have to, luckily mine is an Aldi so I can budget for magic chicken 😂

Yet, have you every stopped to question where this pressure to constantly drive ourselves to maximise performance and to optimise our potential comes from? Who or what is driving us to go against our natural rhythms?

I am relieved to have found this group. Every comment matches almost entirely how I feel.

But I also agree with the above. Where does the pressure come from for us to have to be high achievers? I do have so many traits of ADHD. But prior to having children and in particular a child with SEN I had found a way to manage my ADHD (which is only self diagnosed) by working in a creative industry where I could flit about as much as I pleased.

Now - with kids - I'm stuck. They are my priority. I need to be here for them. They need me now. We have no family support and not enough money for childcare. So I have to be their childcare and school support etc

So I'm not too hard on myself (everyone around me is though) because - the pressure is illusionary isn't it? Isn't it just another thing to make us feel shit and failures and guilty?

I spend the school days flitting about - but I'm always doing stuff and like others said researching stuff and cleaning quickly in 15 minutes etc but what is wrong with that? I could be out earning loads and doing a high powered job if circumstances were different and my brain was wired differently. We struggle for money but we get by.

I'm happy with the way things are and the way that I am - but still am enjoying reading everyone's comments here because it's enlightening to realise that I'm not the only person who experiences life in this way.

Dusty I definitely know what you mean about illusionary pressure but I’ve dropped that

I’m more annoyed with myself for not doing the things I actually want to do. I accept that society will never see me as a success and that’s okay.

I had teachers literally screaming at me in school because I was failing to do the work that reflected my ability.

I had this - I was called lazy and really slagged off by (some) teachers.

I've just watched the paradox of choice link that is posted just above.

It answers what I am asking - I think ... and very possibly explains why we either feel the way we do or are the way we are. I need to watch it again to understand it fully.

But I'd recommend it - very interesting.

I had this - I was called lazy and really slagged off by (some) teachers.

Me too. Thankfully the world has moved on a bit in terms of understanding SpLDs (ADHD, dyslexia, dyspraxia etc) and also appreciating different learning styles.

If you think you have a diagnosable condition, get assessed. A diagnosis would really help your self image and esteem.

Similarly, if your learning style is one that wasn’t catered to at school, explore that.

I really feel for you reading your posts. I apologise if I’m getting this wrong but it doesn’t sound like you’re okay with being yourself, but yourself sounds fine.

While I'm intrigued about ADHD, I'm not convinced it's applicable as I can concentrate when something is important to me and I have few other distractions

That's actually a hallmark of ADD though @geojellyfish, being able to focus when you're motivated and free of distractions.

I've been trying to deal with this for almost a year now. Procrastination. Self-sabotage. Doing literally ANYTHING except for the thing that's actually going to help me.

This is hands down the best thing I've read on the subject. I'm almost finished it, and already I'm implementing some of the things he talks about.

Indistractable, How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life

Just so you know I'm not on a hard sales pitch, I found it on a podcast and loved the way the author explained things so much that I bought the kindle version.

The podcast is actually for writers, but the man didn't write the book specifically for writers so it's applicable to everyone. It's on Itunes, The Creative Penn episode from 13th January.

Hopefully it helps others on this thread! I'll make a post summarising when I'm on a break from work.

I really feel for you reading your posts. I apologise if I’m getting this wrong but it doesn’t sound like you’re okay with being yourself, but yourself sounds fine.

Thanks - I do have problems - half the time I want to address these issues, half the time I want everyone else to flip off and leave me in peace :)

OP “ half the time I want everyone else to flip off and leave me in peace“

And quite often I decide that’s the solution when it’s not.

Just checking-in to say hello to my people. It doesn't help that I'm now going to be checking this thread instead of getting on with my unchallenging, but badly done work, but it is nice to know that I'm not alone. I get so tired with all of the busy, busy people out there.

*There is I would presume an upside to this type of "wiring" or it wouldn't have survived our tough evolution. This is how I reassure myself anyway.

Any one have any positives?*

This type of wiring IS EXACTLY how we were evolved to be.

Literally everything in our brains is wired to avoid discomfort. We're cold? We want to put a coat on. We're hungry? We want to get food. We're bored? We want to amuse ourselves with something. Everything we do, is driven by a primal urge to avoid discomfort.

And that is exactly why we distract ourselves with procrastination.

In order to beat it, you have to trick your mind into believing that short term discomfort is a necessary evil for long term gains.

Checking in as a professional non-busy person. And - look at my username! - a master under achiever.

BTW thanks to everyone on here - it is nice to at least have some fellow travellers on the road often wandered off.

I'm 49 and have always been a bit like this, but I no longer care. I can see that a lot of the things we aspire to do/be are not terribly important really, and half the time we just feel like we 'should' do them because of what others might think.
No offence to anyone with genuine issues that prevent them from achieving, obviously.

Maybe self -employment would suit you better if you hit on the right idea?

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick as I haven't RTFT, but surely becoming self-employed if you're a serial procrastinator could be a recipe for disaster?

I've been self-employed before and you have to have serious motivation and drive to ensure you keep a roof over your head - there's no one else to pick up the slack!