To ask for help from fellow procastinating under achievers?

[Hingeandbracket]

It started when I failed to do any work at University because there was no-one there to make me.

I have lurched through various jobs with varying degrees of success and or failure.

I berate myself for being lazy and disorganised - but surely it's not as simple as that.

Has anyone climbed out of the pit of their own despair in such circumstances and gone on to become Sir Richard Branson?

And here we all are wasting even more time on Mumsnet. I wish there was a permanent lock for it or that it had never been invented!
It does get harder. Years ago, I'd procrastinate about sitting down to work - but once you did, that was it, no distractions except for playing with paperclips. Now there is every distraction in the world on the Internet. My attention span which was never great unless I'm doing something I enjoy has been destroyed. Funnily enough, if it's something I want to do I can give it total attention. But I've never had a paid job that is engrossing.

I wonder why so many people are eager to self diagnose ADHD? Is it a 'get out' clause?

changingminds.org/explanations/belief/limiting_beliefs.htm

The trouble with being self employed for me is it's all down to me. The last couple of years I've been telling myself I need to be sorting out all the junk in my house, expand my work by slightly changing it and start self study on a subject I'm really interested in. I've barely done any of it!!

You could say that I'm lucky because I'm ok for money but not doing the above means I'm constantly annoyed with myself. It's not good for self esteem. And being ok with money takes away motivation.

Definitely wonder that too @Sarahlou63 .

Also, anyone else good in a crisis? I'm good in a mini crisis, not one that needs sustained thought and effort.

Sheesh - this thread describes me to a tee

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick as I haven't RTFT, but surely becoming self-employed if you're a serial procrastinator could be a recipe for disaster?

It depends what causes your procrastination, I suppose.

Personally, I struggle with other people’s systems and policies but do much better if I’ve designed the whole shebang to suit myself and am enthusiastic about my overall project (which you nearly always are if you pick your own projects).

I’m more annoyed with myself for not doing the things I actually want to do

What are the things that you actually want to do Autumn?

This whole thread is a revelation to me. I can't believe I'm not the only one like this.

@confusededna thank you for that post, it actually made me feel quite emotional. The list of symptoms is staggeringly like me. I self isolate, actually wondered if I was on the autistic spectrum but dont quite fit that. Always late, always disorganized, always daydreaming and distracted (should be working from home now) I am a serial list maker because otherwise things dont get remembered. I dont know that I was like it so much as a child though, I worked hard at school and did well enough but as I hit teenage years, it just seemed to go, I lost motivation somehow. So maybe I am just a bit lazy although I never just sit and relax at home? I hate my job and I'm so upset I didnt try harder before we had the kids and commitments. I pin all Hope's on a lottery win tbh but then forget to play

Dusty generally I’d like to be more disciplined

Specifically, I’d like to finish a novel that’s 2/3 done and had positive feedback from big agents

Finish a short story collection - admittedly no one’s seen those so I’ve no idea if they’re any good.

Do more structured exercise - at the moment I run and have weights at home because I can never stick to a gym class

Learn to play piano. Admittedly cost is a factor on that one.

I’m not sure how much of this feeling, at the moment, is to do with SAD.

The worst sign is that I did the bulk of the novel when I couldn’t work due to a spinal injury. Couldn’t do anything really except watch TV. Which begs the question, do I want to do it really?

I think I do but just get lazy and/or overwhelmed.

You know Tom Bradby, the itv news guy? He writes his novels partly while he’s sitting around waiting for interviews and so on.

I take about four hours of huffing and puffing to produce anything much.

That's really funny Autumn,

I also am writing and have finished a play - but I keep changing it and thinking it's not finished. And I've written other things but have no idea whether they are any good.

I tell myself that all my distractions are research ...I really do feel that they are.

The exercise thing is similar too. I just run. Never could commit to going to any classes or the gym.

I also have bought a flute and taught myself quite a bit. I was hoping to improve and practise every day and also remember how to play the piano. None of this has happened - yet - although I do have some manic spurts.

I'm not feeling too fed up about it all though. Luckily.

Dusty you taught yourself to play flute?

I have literally no knowledge of music. Nicht. Nada. I often think it would be good for me to have a very engrossing hobby if you know what I mean.

Re the plays - thing is, there are always different endings. If you look at the book, the play and the film of the Woman in Black, that's a good example.

are you anywhere near London? Do you know about the New Writing programme at the Criterion?

www.criterion-theatre.co.uk/cri-trust/new-writing

I procrastinate terribly and am not considered a hugely hard worker, tho funnily enough I have a successful career and am a senior manager. Partly, my restless distracted nature allows me to think a bit outside the box and get ideas. It might help to check your personality type using a test, like Myers Briggs to see what motivates you.

Here is a free online test www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

My personality type is INFP, so am intoverted and disorganised, bit creative and big picture. Detailed work, schedules or restrictions really bore me

I didn't know about that Autumn. I will look at it.

I actually started this play 14 years ago! It's taken me that long to write it. It's changed loads over time - but isn't that terrible terrible procrastination.

There are lots of competitions to enter - but I won't send it off until I feel it is right, and of course it never ever is.

I was able to teach myself to play the flute because I could read music already. Used to play the piano and recorder as a child. There are books that show you how to play and I'd always wanted to play the flute. I thought it would be difficult, but actually it is so much easier to play an instrument like that. The piano is incredibly difficult as you have to read and play both the bass and treble.

Maybe you could start with learning to play the recorder? Start simple.

Ah my soulmates currently doing a masters and it’s been said that if I didn’t leave everything until the day it’s due my grades would be enormous - instead I’m coasting it, as ever. Classic ADD here! I occasionally have success putting in all the tips and tricks and then - guess what? - get bored and distracted and the circle starts again.

Dusty “ The piano is incredibly difficult as you have to read and play both the bass and treble.”

I don’t even know what that means!

I started that novel in 2011, if it makes you feel better!

AutumnRose it strikes me that perhaps your symptoms fit a form of ASD rather than ADD. Maybe it's more social demands/office politics/working around other people that you find difficult amd complicated? And the whole motivation around doing stuff because someone else/the boss/society says so just isn't there in the way it is for NT people?

I'm kind of the opposite. I need to be told what to do, sometimes in excruciatingly precise detail, because organising myself is like trying to tickle myself - my brain will flat out ignore it. I love the idea of doing something for myself, but in reality, taking obligations to others out of the equation removes the compass from my existence and I don"t know which way points north.

God, this thread could have been written about me. Ironically, I went to my GP about this a couple of weeks ago having written an article about ADHD written by a colleague and following a link (procrastination again) to an online quiz for ADHD in women. I cried completing it because I had never before realised that all the things I thought made me a failure were not just restricted to me, but other people out there are the same. This thread is further proof of it.

Strangely, although I haven't yet got any further with the diagnosis, just realising that I am not alone has massively helped how I feel and I am already slightly better at work as a result. Some of the tips you can find online are also helpful.

If I think of ADHD not as an excuse but as a reason for how I am and work, and maybe not as a diagnosis but as a personality-type, I have found I have started to think of the positive aspects of my personality (good at lateral thinking and problem solving, excellent at focussing on urgent deadlines, not judgemental of others' failings due to having my own etc) and try to focus on them while working out strategies to cope with the more negative aspects.

In case it is of interest, this is the quiz I did: www.additudemag.com/self-test-adhd-symptoms-women-girls/.

Now I just have to get round to going for the blood test my GP wants me to have...

@CleopatrasMum That article and that quiz have floored me. That is me. I'm such a mess at the moment, suffering with menopausal upheavals and just struggling to cope with managing my life and wondering how everyone else does it.

This is a real epiphany! Looking back at my whole life, this is me, although combined with my introversion and possible (undiagnosed) ASD, I have masked and coped (and copied!) for all I was worth. I can't seem to do it any more though! The wheels are coming off.

What do I do now? Is it enough just to know?

Yes, ADHD is terribly named as it's really nothing to do with a deficit in attention. It's more not being able to direct your attention to where you want it. It sort of directs itself

Executive Functioning disorder would be a better name, although if people don't know what EF is, they might think it means you can't function at all!

I manage mine much better these days. I have managed to identify some good strengths as well - not just the usual "We're so creative and fun!" - I mean OK, those are strengths, but they aren't the kind you can mention in a job interview.

So realistically:

• We tend to be good in a crisis. When the shit hits the fan adrenaline hits us and we tend to thrive on this and maintain a calm and methodical approach.

• Our knowledge might seem random, but it's like a honeycomb - it's full of deep, rich pockets - we tend to know things in many different areas and we won't just know one random little fact but we will have an in depth understanding of it. We tend to be curious and want to keep digging and find the end of the trail. We're not satisfied with knowing a fact without wondering "Why is it that way and not another way?"

• Ability to think outside of the box and come up with many ideas on any given topic is also a plus.

• I have so much practice at being unprepared that I can "wing it" in almost any situation that leaves other people panicking. (Dunno how to word this better though :o) - Works well under pressure, is resourceful?

I know I would not go for any kind of resource management type position, because managing and organising is not my strength. But I work well with people because every day is different and there's always a new challenge, and my brain likes that, it thrives on novelty.

Emergency Services work is good for people like us, if you're physically fit or willing to get there (esp for Police), OK with risk (esp for fire) and OK with blood (esp for Paramedic). If none of those things apply, being a 999 call handler is a job I think would be really interesting and worthwhile.

I've done ESL teaching which is fantastic and has allowed me to move abroad. It's tricky to do it in the UK though. I've enjoyed retail but there isn't much scope to move up if you're not a management type. Sales and customer service we tend to be good at - because we get that detailed level of knowledge for the product range and that comes across well to the customer. So you can take the retail experience and move from there into sales or customer service if you pick a product area that you know well, either from previous retail experience or personal interest.

Or go directly into customer service in hospitality type trades - hotels, tourist stuff, flight attendant (if you can leave home for a few days at a time), restaurants, etc.

@JollyHostess I had totally the same experience of being floored. I think it really helps just to know you are not alone and you are not a failure, you just have a certain type of personality. BertieBotts post is excellent at bringing out the positive aspects of what we are good at.

Interestingly, I suspect DH also has it and I think he would agree. He pointed out that he is doing well at work because of the nature of the work he does now. He is in the emergency services and doesn't have an opportunity to procrastinate. The patients are there and have to be dealt with now. You can't say, Oh I fancy a bit of googling now - I'll be with you in an hour. As a result, he doesn't get behind. When he finishes, that is it for the day. He doesn't leave tasks (at work) for three months because he can't be bothered to do them, for example.

So I agree that if you are thinking of changing your job, looking for something task based like that, where things happen now and have to be dealt with as they happen, is a good idea.

I am a lawyer and, frankly, that is a disastrous job for a procrastinator. But hey ho - I am trying to make the best of it!