To ask for help from fellow procastinating under achievers?

[Hingeandbracket]

It started when I failed to do any work at University because there was no-one there to make me.

I have lurched through various jobs with varying degrees of success and or failure.

I berate myself for being lazy and disorganised - but surely it's not as simple as that.

Has anyone climbed out of the pit of their own despair in such circumstances and gone on to become Sir Richard Branson?

I saw this and thought ‘ahhh my people’ and left the tab open. And finally started reading it. I read three replies. Will finish it one day...

@glueandstick - I've only read the last 2 replies...

In similar, did well at school, felt comfortable there, went on to get a degree. After that is when it all went wrong. My boyfriend and I wanted to move in together straight away so I went to work in a call centre to get money to pay the rent. Ended up staying there for 10 years. It was an easy job but I was able to get away with doing the bare minimum there.
Then I had my first child and have not worked since and don't want to either. I absolutely hate it. I have huge imposter syndrome and I'm also not good at doing things without having lots of guidance and hand holding. Sometimes I will read job descriptions and just think there is no way I could do that. I've been our of the workplace now for quite a few years and I don't think there is any way I could go back now. I am very lucky and fortunate that my husband earns enough to support us financially. Am I lazy? I'd say so. But I also lack confidence and I'm not very clever. I struggle to understand things and actually have no idea how I did so well at school

One of my friends works as a corporate coach

She always says one reason she comes across this is that at school, someone else was doing the daily mundane shit of household admin, finance admin, life admin.

I try to think of ways to make those things take less time but it doesn’t really work.

Yeah, I could do with a PA :o

I quite enjoy doing our finances since I started YNAB. I am still shit at keeping up with housework, though.

Yes, this is me! I could have written many of these posts. I've managed to do the degree and Master's but recently I came across all my essays. Not a single one was submitted on time. I'd have got a first if I'd been able to put essays in. I now have to work in things that are really pressured with deadlines. Always terrified I'll get disciplined over procrastinating so instead I work til midnight a couple of days a week (but spend about 3 hours of that procrastinating!)

I've asked a couple of psychotherapists if I have ADHD but they've said it's probably a symptom of my depression. Still, I was supposed to be tested but had an exam that day...

Oh I like doing finances tbh, I consider myself lucky to have them to do frankly.

But the daily housework....I’m still convinced that living in a small flat makes it much harder. I also don’t like cooking etc

My dad, alongside his good career, used to find zen in doing the dishes and cleaning the sink till it was perfectly shiny....I don’t find that remotely zen! I think he was a good example of “if you want something done, give it to a busy person”.

Psychotherapists aren't qualified to diagnose ADHD, so if you want an assessment, I wouldn't be put off by those comments.

For me I think I just hate doing stuff that is the same! So I dislike cleaning jobs which I can't vary. I don't mind washing clothes, because I can sort them by colour and/or type and that feels a bit like variety. I don't mind cleaning the bathroom, changing the bedding etc (although I leave a LONG time between doing it...) I hate filling/emptying the dishwasher because you have to do it every day and you can't make it fun. I also have a bit of a sensory thing against water/being wet - so washing up no fun, dishwasher gives me rage when things have filled up with water and spill all down your arm.

A bigger house is no better than a smaller place, having lived in both. I preferred the smaller flat for cleaning because it never took very long and it wasn't too far to walk from room to room. But the washing machine was in the basement in that flat, which was a bit annoying.

“ A bigger house is no better than a smaller place, having lived in both”

I find that surprising. Maybe I’m horribly lazy 😂 but for example, having to do work at the same table where I eat...it’s a pain.

Having to use higher shelves than I can reach for things and get the stepladder out, it’s a pain. Having to put the yoga mat and weights (a range) away, it’s a pain. Having to move the table every time I do a workout.

I did look at adjustable dumbbells but they’re so expensive!

Drying washing etc. Hate having to look at it, but what are the options?

I really think, if I ever get to live in a bigger space, it will be easier to do domestics. My rented flat was bigger bad had a kitchen and Cupboard where thinks like mop and broom could live.

*and
*things

Thanks to this thread I have booked myself in for a private assessment for ADHD in April. Earliest I could get. It is going to cost me dear though roughly £600(the pain mind you I saw quotes for 1000 +). I have completed several questionnaires from different sources and scored high each time. I truly feel like a lot of stuff might finally make sense.

£600!

Yes

OK well we haven't lived anywhere THAT big :o Tower airers are most effective though and have a smaller footprint than most types of airer if you are stuck for space.

But in general IME, bigger = more places for clutter to accumulate and things to be not whetre they are meant to be.

Bigger house + staff in their own quarters of course!

Bertie, sorry, do you mean you haven’t lived anywhere as small as my flat?

I’m confused by your comment, sorry.

Last night I made myself a new list and organisation plan. Have been good with it today. Feeling better but that might be the sunshine.

I haven't lived anywhere big enough to have e.g. space to leave workout equipment out, table dedicated for dining, table dedicated for work. Well, we have 3x desks and 2x (sort of) dining tables in our current flat, but only DS1's desk gets used for work. The kitchen dining table is used as a bit of extra workspace/dumping ground. The living room dining table is occasionally used to eat off, but mainly as a dumping ground. There's nowhere that I could spread something out and just leave it out until it's needed again.

Smallest flat we lived in was up in the eaves with two small bedrooms (DS1's not big enough for a double bed) and one medium sized room which was where we had both computer stations, TV/sofa area, dining table and kitchenette. It was... "cosy". We didn't even have an oven there and ended up sneaking one in :o

Ahhh this is so me. I’ve never been hard-working. I got good GCSEs and A-Levels. Didn’t do as brilliantly at university, but much of that was because I despise essays. Googling “how to write essays” was no use, they just tell you how to structure them (eg introduction, several paragraphs each linking to the next, conclusion), whereas what I struggled with was actually writing them. I never really answered the question fully. A lot of the time I never really understood what was being asked of me. I much prefer yes/no type, definitive answer questions.
Diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and social anxiety disorder.

Jobs... never had a full time one (am still young though). What I find disheartening is how all jobs seem to want organised types who are motivated, good at time management and working on their own initiative... because I struggle with those things it just makes me feel like I’m never going to get a job because they ask for qualities that I just don’t possess.

I’ve never had a “passion” either. I have some interests, but nothing I can make a living from.

I also struggle with being motivated. When he was at school, my Dad was told he was good at English... so he decided that he would work hard at it, try and be the best in the class kind of thing... I’ve never had that. I didn’t aim for a particular degree classification. By the end of the degree I just didn’t care, I just wanted to pass/graduate. Contrast that with my friend who was aiming for at least a 2:1...
Having both ASD and ADHD is interesting because they explain different bits of me. For example I’ve also done best with a routine and structure, but only if it’s put in place for me, I struggle with doing it myself. I also wouldn’t do well in a job that required me to constantly respond to loads of little crises/me to think of solutions immediately, I need time to process things! I’ve long had what’s called a “slow processing speed” as in it takes me longer than most people to process information, I had extra time in exams for example. So I like deadlines, but ones where I have plenty of time to process tasks!

I could go on. But I’ve got random stuff I fancy looking up on Wikipedia...

Bertie, but you’ve got three desks and dining tables which is good.

I hope to one day read all of this thread . But the bits I have read are hitting home. I suspect ADHD too, I've also had depression and anxiety and had to have my mother coming to my flat ever day to make sure I finished my coursework so that I didn't fail my degree.

I'm stuck in a badly paid job that i and advanced in and would love to work for myself, but fear I don't have the drive.

Even just doing something for myself like improving my drawing or painting skills gets procrastinated away. Day to day shit like filling the dishwasher, or mumsnettting always gets in the way.

Yep. Two desks are for computers - DH games, I sit on forums/reddit/FB/wikipedia most of the night. Then DS1 has one in his room, for homework ostensibly.

What I meant to say was just because you have the space, it doesn't make it any less prone to clutter somehow

One tip I read in "the procrastination equation" www.goodreads.com/book/show/9514605-the-procrastination-equation
Is to sit at a desk/table, no phone and try not to do anything at all for 5/10 minutes. Pretty soon you're starting to work.

I thought I was just lazy. Turns out I have hypermobility syndrome disorder that causes fatigue. I am also on the diagnosis pathway for autism. makes me disorganised and plan poorly.

Anyone looked up 'executive function disorder'? I think all of us on this thread have struggled with executive function in one way or another, for a whole host of different reasons. Some have diagnosable conditions, some of us just aren't built to function independently, but importantly we all have lots to do, and lots going on.

I really don't buy the laziness thing, sorry. If you mean you'd rather be in a hot bubble bath with a glass of wine than working, well, that's 90% of the human race isn't it? We're ALL kinda wired that way.

Which brings me to my contention that the world is not divided into lazy and hard working people. It's divided into those who are allowed to do what they want (including being lazy, which is rarely ever noticed or condemned in the super rich) and those who aren't. (Also see: privilege).

You'll probably find that behind every hard working successful billionaire is a huge support team ensuring that he (it's usually he) is unencumbered by the boring stuff. Most of us are caught in the middle between an endless list of chores which even Mrs Hinch couldn't pretend to enjoy, the stressful necessity of earning (and the vague promise/expectation/distant goal of earning more - 'it could be you!!') it won't and things we might actually like doing, now or later. Maybe it's our ideals of adult functioning and goal attainment which are the problem here? I mean, no one really accomplishes much totally on their own. Isn't this thread an illustration of how many women are trying to keep themselves motivated and active without very much practical or emotional support at all?