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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help from fellow procastinating under achievers?

233 replies

Hingeandbracket · 26/02/2020 14:48

It started when I failed to do any work at University because there was no-one there to make me.

I have lurched through various jobs with varying degrees of success and or failure.

I berate myself for being lazy and disorganised - but surely it's not as simple as that.

Has anyone climbed out of the pit of their own despair in such circumstances and gone on to become Sir Richard Branson?

OP posts:
Weirdomagnet · 26/02/2020 17:53

I've only read your OP so far OP, but.. are you me?!

Going to follow with interest, as sadly I've not managed to climb out of my pit thus far and neither am I Richard Branson. (yet)

AgentProvocateur · 26/02/2020 18:05

Yes, that’s me at 52. Didn’t do honours because I knew I’d never get round to the dissertation and have fallen into a series of medium-grade, medium-pay jobs since - all of which I stay at for two years or so before I get bored (so never long enough to get promoted or a decent pay rise). My DH is not as smart as me, but rises through the ranks quickly as he is a hard worker and stays with one company. I outearned him after uni. He now earns five times what I get Hmm

nellodee · 26/02/2020 18:06

You all need to read this:

waitbutwhy.com/2013/10/why-procrastinators-procrastinate.html

Weirdomagnet · 26/02/2020 18:06

everythingbackbutyou

This is me. I am convinced I have undiagnosed ADHD and intend to follow up with my GP. It feels like at age 44 I am incapable of performing like an adult

Also, @hipposarerad and well, all of you- I'm so glad I found this thread. It's a relief.

I''ve been depressed and feeling ashamed of my utter bloody uselessness for so long. The job I somehow hold down (or at least have done so far.. ) is not for disorganised, unmotivated, pathological procrastiantors like me.

Therefore I find every day an exhausting challenge. Getting out of bed in the morning to face a day of the unknown (being chronically unprepared) is not easy.

Sorry to be of no help @Hingeandbracket, but you do have my full empathy and understanding 🌻

tobee · 26/02/2020 18:09

I mostly just feel guilty! Sad

Getitwright · 26/02/2020 18:12

I always tried to be a good employer (by employer, read person who would write the job description, set the employing criteria, carried out the interviews as part of usually a three person panel). For me it was trying to get the most out of an individual during the recruitment process in a variety of ways. Some jobs require team work, some jobs need a good independent worker, some jobs require dedication to detail, some jobs require quick fire thinking and improvision. Rare to find all of these in one individual, but a mix can get the task in hand done more productively and raise everyone’s confidence. It was about taking the best skills of a group, and channelling them so that everyone achieved. Some of the staff I inherited had been given little in the way of motivation, and it was rather sad to listen to some of their stories, but I did listen, and it became apparent that some of them were just lacking a bit of confidence, others had had their ideas stifled, and some were bursting to just fly. Second best week of my working life when I actually got 5 such individuals to agree to do some more training. Best week was when they all got their results, for some, the first qualifications they had gained since leaving school some 30 years earlier. Their confidence soared, gave this particular building a real buzz that channelled better customer results. Everyone has something to offer, no matter what they think might be holding them back. Young Swedish teenager with autism springs to mind, wow has she found her niche, and she’s getting stronger every day!

Original poster
Hingeandbracket · 26/02/2020 18:19

Basically I've navigated by being self employed atm
Me too, currently in my second spell of self-employment.

I mostly just feel guilty! Sad

Me too.

I suffered a single incident of relatively minor sexual abuse as a child and I have heard other survivors of childhood abuse say it affected their ability to focus.

On the other hand, I think I've always had a "butterfly mind".

OP posts:
Original poster
Hingeandbracket · 26/02/2020 18:21

Some jobs require team work, some jobs need a good independent worker, some jobs require dedication to detail, some jobs require quick fire thinking and improvision.
Most jobs I've had demand all of this and more.

Rare to find all of these in one individual
Rare to find an employer that recognises this.

OP posts:
tobee · 26/02/2020 18:22

Hey thanks for the link nellodee . I started reading and it's very interesting. Rang a lot of bells. I'll go back to it and finish off a bit later...when I've finished off doing this important bit of scrolling through Mumsnet....

nellodee · 26/02/2020 18:23

hahaha, there's no helping you, I'm afraid, then tobee :)

Getitwright · 26/02/2020 18:24

Good, you’re fighting back H&B. You are out of the trough of despair, now go for it......

tobee · 26/02/2020 18:31

The internet is soooo bad for the procrastinatior!!!

Do you know I spent hours last night looking up what the Christmas week schedules were for BBC1 in various years from 1970 to 1986!! Seriously! It's there to find! I kid myself I'm doing important cultural historical studies for research that I'll use in published work one day!

hazell42 · 26/02/2020 18:32

Find something that you love
I used to be like this
Always last minute
Always delaying
Then I realised it was because I just didn't care
Now I fo something that I absolutely love, and I am always early, and it never feels like work

Jadetreesbringluck · 26/02/2020 18:34

This is me. To a T. I don't know what to do now...push for diagnosis or just read more and try strategies.

Mentioned too GP (am anxious & depressed) but she didn't give it much consideration.

youreajetalltheway · 26/02/2020 18:56

Read 'the power of habit', I'm a massive believer in creating routines and habits to motivate, as when you have a routine you don't think about it any more, you just do it. Choose something small, ie start to do a small chore at a set time every day, either first or last thing and see how much less work it feels when it becomes a habit.

Didicat · 27/02/2020 00:07

Has anyone been diagnosed as an adult? How long does it take? I can say yes to all the article’s symptoms. I’m pretty sure my daughter is not neuro typical.

Palavah · 27/02/2020 00:19

Is there anyone here who identified with all of the characteristics of ADHD on that list but has also been a high achiever academically and/or is generally a hard worker (if not a very focused one)?

Mittens030869 · 27/02/2020 00:37

I have 2 degrees but have never been able to have the commitment to pursue a career. My parents called me 'lazy' as a child and yes, on one level that was true.

But in my case, it's because I don't have the headspace to focus on committing to a career. I have complex PTSD as a result of childhood SA and the damage isn't something that just goes away. My DSis also has had her struggles. We both have our lives with lovely DHs and our DC.

Unlike my DB, whose life has been damaged beyond repair. I might not have a high flying career, but I've made the most of what I've got. I have 2 adopted DDs of 10 and 7 and, with their issues it's no longer realistic to think I'm suddenly going to find my dream job once they're not so dependent on us. I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome now as well so that ship has well and truly sailed.

It does feel better once you accept that certain things aren't going to happen; there are all sorts of ways to make a contribution. I work with a good friend who runs a Christian charity project helping Central Asian women, which is very rewarding.

Jente · 27/02/2020 00:44

This is spooky. Im in the same boat and was thinking about the exact same thing today.
I feel everyone else in life is racing ahead and I need to go back 20 years just to catch up.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 27/02/2020 00:56

I'm going to hazard a guess PPs on this thread have a gazillion pages open on their phone etc right now cough, mine's 56

AlexaShutUp · 27/02/2020 00:59

This is me too. Strongly suspect ADHD but have never actually got my act together to pursue a diagnosis.

Mittens030869 · 27/02/2020 01:00

Sadly, very true, though I do try to remember to close pages so my phone doesn't freeze up. I must sound like a total hypocrite, telling my DDs that it isn't healthy to spend too much time on their phones. I'm being genuine, though, I just don't practise what I preach.

AlexaShutUp · 27/02/2020 01:03

Is there anyone here who identified with all of the characteristics of ADHD on that list but has also been a high achiever academically and/or is generally a hard worker (if not a very focused one)?

Yes, always excelled academically, but in a way, I think this just helped to mask my problems.

MayDayHelp · 27/02/2020 01:56

Oh my god this is me.

Very bright at school, but couldn’t ever apply myself. Got pretty good results but could have been hell of a lot better.

Working for other people always ended in disaster. I find it nearly impossible to do things that I’m not interested in, or do things in a way that doesn’t make sense to me. This makes me a terrible employee

So I’ve been self employed for 15 years, but lack motivation and could probably work 95% harder if I tried. But I can’t. Literally can’t.

Went to a top uni and graduated 3 years ago with first class BSc. Thought about continuing in academia but felt like a fraud and thought I’d done well to wing it as far as I had.

No pension, too scared to apply for jobs for fear of incompetence. Single as I’m too fickle to hold down a relationship either. Need to have so much me time to get through the day otherwise my brain feels like it’s melting.

tobee · 27/02/2020 03:08

Anyone in medication for it? How's it going if yes?