What are the most stupid injuries you’ve had?

[UnicornRiders]

I know this isn’t the right place, but let’s try to create some humour on AIBU for once

My most stupid injuries are,

I slept funny on my arm which resulted in a dead arm, I then slapped myself across the face, leaving a bruise

Was moving a rock in my garden, dropped it on my foot and broke a toe

Knocked myself out chasing my friend up a slide - I was 14

I got pissed at a friend’s house, it was a beautiful summer evening we started drinking at 6pm. I got up to go to the loo about midnight, tripped over and landed on her garden gnome with my cheekbone. I had a terrible bruise for about two weeks and lots of concern that I was a victim of domestic violence.

Drying a metal baking tray held in left hand, tea towel in right hand. Rubbing dry, tea towel shot off surface of tray and tray smacked me in face.

I then retold the story to colleagues, showing what happened, and did it again.

Did the splits and broke my thumb

I spilt boiling hot porridge over my legs and had to go to hospital, the nurses laughed at me! It bloody hurt and I couldn't wear shoes for a couple of days as it went on my feet! I felt like a dick lol

Also I was using one of those slicing tool things that cuts up your veg all different ways into a little container, and nearly sliced the side of the top of my little finger off. It was so sharp I didn't feel it but there was a lot of blood!

Stepped on old heavy rake the cartoon way so it smashed into my mouth. Whole morning of A and E and max fax consultants. Small scar.

I’d only popped out before breakfast and then work to do a little clearing up for 20 mins or so.

Got a sharp hook badly caught in my scalp leaning into cupboard space and had to pull myself off it. Cue a lot of blood and more stitches.

Ouch, Heartofglass
That reminds me of the time I broke my baby toe, nothing to do except buddy tape it..... but it was so swollen I couldn't wear any of my shoes for a few days... So I was given crutches
The looks I got from people, expecting me to say I'd broken a leg....

Making my bed age 10ish. Got hand tangled in the sheets. Pulled hand out, dislocated my finger and broke it when I manipulated it back myself. Still went to school the next day and only got sent home when I started to think I was going to vomit from the pain.

I slipped on a Vogue magazine on my wooden floor & got whiplash. Was so embarrassed I told hospital & work I was in a car accident.

I fell down steps out of Ryman's & flew across the pavement. My head landed on the road. It was pouring with rain. Ppl started shouting to call an ambulance as I wasn't moving. I whimpered: I'm ok, just too mortified to get up.

My son fell down our long wooden staircase. He'd had lots of orthopaedic surgery, so I was terrified he'd damaged his hips or knees. He landed on his EAR.

Dropped frozen chicken on my foot broke big toe. Still get pain that toe in winter.

I always sleep with a window open, even in really bad weather, I need it open a tiny bit.

I was fast asleep during the recent storms. The wind got up, and somehow a freak gust caught a picture on the wall. It lifted it into the air, and the corner of it, hit me hard on the temple. I woke up in fright and fell out of bed, and banged my head again.

Result: A big lump, a triangular cut, and concussion.

I slipped on cat sock and broke my arm

My cat whopped me on the side of the head and caught me with his claw. No blood so didn't pay much attention. Next morning I had a cracker of a black eye as the internal bleeding from my temple pooled in my eye socket... 🤣

Another, sort of similar thing, when I had a blood test. The bleeding continued under the skin and my forearm became one spectacular bruise without hurting; you could even see the outline of the bones but I couldn't move my elbow with all the blood.

Oh, and another black eye from playing mess rugby with an inflatable dolphin....

I'm clumsy... Just a few examples

• making salad for lunch, being speedy, cut my fingernail in half vertically, all the way to the cuticle. Knife so sharp i didn't realise I'd cut through the nail till it started bleeding like no tomorrow. By myself, not serious enough for an ambulance, what do you do?

• on an exercise kick, walking from work to the train station where I parked of a morning (10km or so). Walking along, realise I'm nearly at the station. No idea what happened but I went face first into the footpath and knocked myself out. Didn't even have time to put my hands out to catch me. Come to going OMG please tell me I haven't broken my teeth - no they're ok. Please no broken nose. Again, ok but blood pouring out. Two loveo men stopped to help me. Eventually nose stops bleeding and I hobbled the half block to the car. Gave myself a concussion with that one. My face the next day was a mess - skin off and bruised badly.

• sometimes I get stuck in doorways like a pinball. Just bounce from side to side, unable to move forward. Need to totally stop moving then take a careful step forward to get out.

• one morning I snapped my toothbrush while brushing my teeth - the broken handle scooting across my gum was not pleasant at all.

Me and a mate pushed/pulled a trailer up a gravel driveway. Trailer stayed, gravel moved and i put my back out, was bedbound for 3 days

Stubbed my toe on a step while i was high, didnt realize id broke it till about 4 weeks later when i stubbed the same toe again and it hurt like nothing id felt before.

My elbow is currently sore and bruised from the waterslides. I also have a plastic burn from the same slides down my back

Ive stabbed to the bone on my little finger, trying to cut a plastic bottle in half

Sliced open my little finger on a hidden knife in the sink

Picked up a log which i was going to toss on the bon fire, only to think while holding it that it was a 'bit' warm. 'Bit' warm was actually orange, coal smoldering wood that had fallen out of the fire. Ketamine shielded me from that, till next day when we ran out lol

Im clumsy as fuck

Christ, take your pick. I'm a liberty.

Drove an hour to a farm shop once, opened car door, set one foot on the ground. A large stone had at the same time got (apparently) caught under a car tyre of a car exiting the car park and it pinged across and smacked me directly on the ankle bone, fractured it. Did not even make it out the car.

Broke my toe demonstrating to DP how I had fallen over the previous day (it was fairly comical but I didnt hurt myself, only in the bloody reenactment)

Bit outing but I broke my ankle walking into a very good friends wedding reception. They had a marquee and I tripped on the rope/tent pole outside trying to look at some of their lovely wedding decorations. Had to be carted off to a&e with as little fuss as possible and everyone hoping to get my sobbing self out of sight before the bride and groom turned up for their big entrance. I was, and still am, absolutely mortified about that.

All funny in retrospect but I hate being so accident prone actually, really makes me feel (and look) a tit.

Yesterday I dropped the shower spray as I got out of the shower, bent to get it and burnt my naked backside on the towel rail.

Having a bit of fun in the bedroom with DP. Messing about play fighting etc and heard a massive crack. Both stopped. Asked him if he was alright to which he replied "I am, are you?".

That's when the pain kicked in, I had dislocated my thumb! That put an end to the fun for the night

I had my eyelid cut open with a fencing sword, and almost amputated my arm with a bathroom sink.

I am queen of ridiculous injuries.

Pulled a muscle in my back by sneezing.

Has never been the same since.

Gave myself concussion on an open cupboard door.

Tore a ligament in my ankle walking down a single step at a party. I was wearing a very beautiful but very stupid pair of grey suede stiletto high heels. They went in the bin the next day.

Opened the living room door and hit my nose with it, still don’t know how I managed it. Thought it was just me till my boss randomly said to me a couple of weeks ago “ you will never believe what I’ve done” I was all “ ooh I did that “ 😂

Was having an argument with my husband, stormed off upstairs and stubbed my toe on the armchair as I stomped past it, broke my friggen toe.

Got up to go pee whilst camping at a festival at five am, in the dark, tripped over some guide ropes and broke my ankle in two places. Then politely waited for my husband and friends to wake up, bursting for the loo, in agony, had to get them to take me there, then was ambulanced to hospital. Had to go home obviously as put in a cast and non weight bearing, missed the whole festival. Didn’t even see any of it, as did it the night before it all started. 😏

Dd1 was late for school this morning because she trod on a cactus.

What the cactus was doing on her bedroom floor is a very good question...

Opened a car door very forcefully into my own face. Massive bruise over whole cheek & black eye. Nobody would've believed the story if my then boyfriend hadn't of witnessed the stupidity.

Bruised fingers from getting them entwined in the beaters of a hand held food mixer.