What are the most stupid injuries you’ve had?

[UnicornRiders]

I know this isn’t the right place, but let’s try to create some humour on AIBU for once

My most stupid injuries are,

I slept funny on my arm which resulted in a dead arm, I then slapped myself across the face, leaving a bruise

Was moving a rock in my garden, dropped it on my foot and broke a toe

Knocked myself out chasing my friend up a slide - I was 14

I was being sick in a toilet when drunk and my foot slipped and I broke my nose on the back of a toilet seat.

Broke my nose getting kicked in the face by a stage diver at a concert.

Broke my nose on PE when a boy thought I was a lot further away and threw a basketball full force from a foot away.

When I was 2 I learned to throw but not catch and threw a pretty big stone in the air which promptly landed on my head.

A cat scratched my eyeball when I tried to stare it out.

As a dozy teenager, still living at home. I've never been a morning person. I lit the gas under the kettle, so a match needed extinguishing, I know that the correct sequence is, inhale, purse lips, lit match up to lips, blow. When you purse the lips before inhaling deeply, it sucks the match flame on to the lips. That woke me up, especially as I had recently applied lip gloss.

Stood on some crumbs, wiped them off against my other foot and cut my foot open. On crumbs.

5 times now I’ve sliced a bread roll on my hand and not stopped cutting when I’ve reached the other side. Twice resulting in stitches and 3 times “just” a deep cut.

I stabbed myself in the hand trying to get an avocado stone out. Damaged a nerve and had an operation. Hand has never been the same since!

Also, as a child, I walked under a football goal in a playground, following a bunch of friends who had also walked under it (there was no net). The crossbar fell on my head!

Was murdering ants with some bug spray, dropped the full can on my foot. Multiple breaks in the front of the foot and two toes snapped clean in half. DM and DH laughed soooooo hard, while I'm stood there in shock saying I've broken my bloody foot! No one, even the doctors, believed me until they got the X-rays back.

Poured boiling water from the kettle over my hand while baking cupcakes for the NHS (where my dad works.). Massive burns, talk of skin grafts, but thankfully I heal well. Went home from A&E and finished baking

Many more stories to be fair. I'm quite prone to accidents, be my undoing one day.

I'm always having stupid accidents. I'm surprised I'm still in one piece. For example, two years ago I knocked a drill battery onto my foot. I realised at the weekend, the nail has finally recovered... It took nearly a year to fall off (being black the whole time) then the new one was very wonky... And now that one has finally grown out.

Tripped backwards and sat down hard on a dolls-house my Granddad had made with my happy bits taking the full force of the chimney. It looked like a baboon's bum down there for about a week.

I had a very swollen/bruised toe when a jar or Marmite fell from the cupboard and landed on my foot.

Teenage dd broke a finger on New Year's Eve playing cards with her siblings.

I broke my arm in 4 places when I was 13. I did it by going down the stairs in sleeping bags with my friends 🤦‍♀️

While making Rice Krispie cakes I managed to knock the Pyrex bowl off the worktop which fell and broke and a large piece severed off in the top of my foot!! I went to A&E and was told I needed surgery 1st thing in the morning as I had cut through a tendon. 2 weeks in a plaster cast and 4 in an air boot followed. Who knew baking could be so dangerous??!

I took a chunk out of my ear on a rose bush while out running.

As a kid I decided to see what it would be like to ride my bike with my eyes shut and I ended up in a ditch.

We used to have this old bed frame in the garden that was head height with nettles in the middle and we used to walk round the edge until I fell in one day!

I also came off my bike in the garden, landed on the side of my forehead and knocked myself out. I had a lump as big as an egg. That side of my forehead is still slightly bigger.

No injury, but my DS who lives alone and is a slightly sloppy housekeeper often reads herself to sleep. One night recently she rolled over in her slip and dislodged the heavy hardback that was lying on her stomach. The book slid off the bed and on its way to the floor it hit the foot switch on the vacuum cleaner she'd left next to the bed, turning it on. DS awoke in a panic in the dark to a roaring hoover and nearly died of fright.

A sprained ankle from getting my big toe caught in the turn up of my trousers

Then two separate sprained ankles from dancing on a table in a themed pub

Playing with nieces, on a slide...wearing shorts and left half my arse on the slide.
Sliced a mega chunk off my thumb with one of those cheese slicer things.

Managed to break my legs doing the school run in the school grounds. Ist time I slipped on a stone on a manhole cover & ended up laying in the playground just as the children were about to all come out. The 2nd time I tripped on an uneven curb, went flying & broke the other leg. A member of staff came out & said, “ Oh no, not you again!” That time hospital told me I’d already broken that leg previously as a child. That’ll be the rabbit hole at Brownie camp- oops never went to hospital with that one. Guess that’s why it had hurt so much!

I got into a disagreement with a blue tit. It won and ….. I was left with some seriously bad black and blue bruising

I stuck a garden fork right through my welly-booted foot, once - luckily the tines went between my toes so I only grazed them.

I have cut myself more times than I can remember - my mum taught me to slice bread by tipping the loaf up onto its end, and slicing across - and I often forgot to stop cutting when I ran out of loaf and reached thumb.

Broke my toe playing football on decking during World Cup not even drunk with ds.

Yesterday I dropped the shower spray as I got out of the shower, bent to get it and burnt my naked backside on the towel rail.

@PuddleSplasher OMG I have done almost exactly the same. Doesn't half make you jump doesn't it?

I once slipped while scrambling up a muddy bank and fell against something sharp that bruised my boob no end. DH said if anyone saw it they would think he was beating me up.

Oh and once when making pancakes I tossed too soon and the shrapnel hit me in the face and I blustered my eyelid.

Ooh, I did that garden fork thing too, only I drive one of the tines right though my big toe nail.
I also burnt my thigh trying to iron my skirt whilst wearing it.

Next door neighbours gave me 2 lovely crystal type hi ball glasses, washing one and it split, with my hand in it!! 16 stitches, 2 month later..washing the remaining glass, yep it broke and (thankfully not as bad) sliced by finger!!

Broke my foot one morning (at home), but small town rumours said I was out drinking, not sure how as I really couldn't stand after!!!

My Nan, god love her, was in hospital. She had an enema and was, er, busy on the commode. Midway through, she had a panic attack and launched all six stone of herself off it, at me. I obviously, I stuck my arms out to catch her. Doing so tore the ligaments in both my wrists, unbeknownst to me.

Once I got home, in quite a lot of pain, I ended up on the phone to 111, who diagnosed first an epileptic fit, then a stroke (!) and instructed DH to get me to a&e or they'd send an ambulance. Once there, I explained what happened, and eventually they moved DH and I to a 'safety room', where they assess people who they think are at risk of causing themselves an injury.

Nan was fine. I was most put out. And sore!

I got into a disagreement with a blue tit. It won and ….. I was left with some seriously bad black and blue bruising
As someone who is a bit bird phobic this sounds like a horror movie to me

I once fell off a bike after my laces got stuck in the pedals.

Somehow got a paper cut on my face off the local newspaper.