What are the most stupid injuries you’ve had?

[UnicornRiders]

I know this isn’t the right place, but let’s try to create some humour on AIBU for once

My most stupid injuries are,

I slept funny on my arm which resulted in a dead arm, I then slapped myself across the face, leaving a bruise

Was moving a rock in my garden, dropped it on my foot and broke a toe

Knocked myself out chasing my friend up a slide - I was 14

I sprained my pinky wiping my arse 🤔

No idea what I did, wipes, pinky slipped and felt a twang. Had to tape it to my ring finger to keep it still as it hurt like fuck!

I broke my toe playing zombies on the stairs with my boyfriend. I was 21.

I was having an argument with my big sister when I was about 12, we were due to go on holiday the next day and she was pestering me to tidy up ready for when DM came home from work. I was in a Mars so put my hand over a pot of pens and slammed it down on the desk - only to have a pen sticking out of my hand as I brought my hand up off the pot.

Never poke an open letter box with your finger is all I will say.

This thread is a classic!

Many moons ago, I managed to give myself a whiplash injury bouncing on a bouncy castle! 😮 Hurt like a bitch, couldn’t move my neck for weeks.

How long have you got?!

Smashed a Pyrex dish. Had to have some removed from my eye
Dropped boiling caramel on my arm, stuck arm under cold water, caramel set. Burns clinic
Broke my ankle and foot falling down the stairs
Smacked myself in the face numerous times undoing my horses bridle/doing up girth
Bruised my coccyx going down concrete steps on roller blades
A year later broke the other foot and ankle - no idea how
Herniated a disc so badly I got cauda equina and needed 5hrs of surgery - no idea how
If I say to the doctor "I'm not sure how" I swear she goes green

Broken ribs whilst making DC beds (top bunk stepped backwards off ladder)
Facial burn whilst making fudge - checking temperature and a bubble burst and spat burning sugar on me

Running my thumb along a safety razor to see if it was sharp. It was. Very. Then running it back the other way. I mean, ffs. 🤷‍♀️

Burnt my face in an exploding jacket potato.

Having highlights done years ago. The old fashioned way with the rubber cap and metal hook. She was a bit vicious but I sat there gritting my teeth until suddenly I felt a pop and a sharp pain and she’d pierced my scalp with the hook. It was stuck there and took the salon owner a bit of manoeuvring to get it out. The hairdresser that did it had the fucking cheek to come over all funny and had to go for a sit down. Meanwhile, I of the stabbed scalp bore it stoically. 😂

Loving these! More for the how the heck factor as in, you couldn't make it up, rather than the inflicted pain.

One of mine (of many) one daughter sat with me but between my legs in the seat as opposed to on my lap, she happened to raise her head fast as I lowered mine, delightful black purple eye socket and surround. Thankfully we were in a totally public place, especially as those close knew that husband and I had been having a crappy time!

Same said middle daughter got herself all tangled in the rope of her PE bag strap and out of frustration pulled at it. She then screamed holding up index finger. Trying to be cool calm mum I did the 'move it and waggle it so we know it's not broken reassurances' it suddenly snapped back from it's dislocated place! 😮

Slipped down the stairs on a book and fractured my coccyx. Worst. Pain. Ever. 3 yrs later and I'm still in agony, taking max doses of painkillers 😬

Got headbutted at work on the cheekbone, which drained my sinuses and I ended up with tonsilitus for the first time in my life (probably not connected but a massive coincidence). I had a cracking bruise on my face for weeks, where people thought my lovely DH had battered me. Their faces when I said it was a 7yo child had slung his head back and headbutted me!

Ddog saw a muntjac deer whilst we were walking in a wood and galloped off, got the nylon string part of an extending leaf caught in the x of a barbed wire fence and was firmly wedged. I darent pull so had to wait for a lady to release him. Ddog then shot forward and ripped my arm open on the fence... Had to drip blood half a mile home. Ds2 has an autistic fear of blood. He opened the door announced he didn't do blood and shut it again...
A few months later I was rushing around packing ds2 suitcase ready for school and tripped over the extending handle... Foot felt sticky a few minutes later when I looked I discovered I had sliced my second toe open from one side to the other on the handle.. My mum was due... Ds2 answered the door and announced "Ello Graggy, Mumma do be at C's House, lotta blood!" Cue Mum hot footing it to my friends.
Plunged my hand in washing up bowl and forgot the apple segmenter and corer was in there... Sliced thumb and wu bowl full of bloody water...
I'm not clumsy at all.. 😉 😉

I've also slipped a disc, sneezing. Was sat on sofa with feet propped up on the pouffe, sneezed and sort of folded in half. Felt a pop followed by sharp pain.

Black eyes dropping phone onto face whilst drunk and trying to take a selfie whilst stuck on the floor

I've probably got more, I often have those 'remember when' episodes 😬🤣

I've also:
Sliced my finger with a huge japanese kitchen knife, went through my hand like it was soft buttee, drove to my DMs with one hand wrapped in a teatowel, soaked with blood. Ended up with butterfly stitches.

Couple of months ago, used my phone and tucked it into pocket of jumper I was wearing. Bent down to pick something up, phone fell out of pocket onto foot. Muttered lots of swear words, no damage so put phone in pocket on other side. Bent down, phone fell out and smacked other foot, which immediately went twice the size and black!! Cue more swearing.

There will be more 🤣🤣

I dropped a very sharp kitchen knife, point downwards, and tried to stop it falling by catching it between my knee and the cupboard door. I missed and it landed straight through the top of my bare foot. 😖

Was going through a stressful period so I decided I would buy fish to bring some calm and beauty into my life. Was cleaning out the glass bowl when it suddenly shattered and cut my wrist and index finger (skin was literally hanging off). Went to A&E and had to get 11 stitches. My first ever stitches at the age of 25 for a bloody fish bowl.

I have a reputation and a clumsy tit. Some stories are outing so the couple I can say are that I got whiplash putting on a fitted top and nearly vomited from pain, i papercut my tongue licking an envelope.

Broke my coccyx proving to nephew that the big dark slide wasn’t scary. Went down it, landed on bum, had to crawl back to table as Nephew now gleefully agrees with me that the slide isn’t scary. Still have issues with sitting on it 4 years later.

Fell off my bike while I was quite pissed, wine bottle in hand. Bruised both legs, both arms and back. Some bruises took 6 months to fade! (I was 18 at the time)

Also my 3 month old caught my eye with those tiny razor sharp baby nails and took a literal chunk out of my retina, resulting in a visit to the hospital and temporary blindness in said eye.

Apt today for me.

One pancake day, too much oil in pan, showing off to Dd flipping the pancake, pancake landed and splashed the very hot oil onto not only my arm and hand but also foot and leg! Pancake day eve spent in a&e (was really quite a nasty burn)

Another time (teen, ‘‘twas the 80’s - this is relevant) tried to do a high kick while wearing pencil skirt watching totp, skirt had zero give but kick was powerful enough to make me yank my other leg along, fell backwards hitting head on coffee table!

One I suspect a lot of people have done - trying to separate frozen burgers with a knife, knife slips, sliced hand but good! Scar and nerve damage to this day (this was over 30 years ago when I still ate meat)

“from playing mess rugby with an inflatable dolphin....” I feel others are going to want further explanation but as an army brat/ex spouse I can totally visualise this!

Ex once had to ring the bell (for losing a drinking game to the uninitiated) bell fell on him! 2 black eyes the next day as it clocked him in the nose...bar managers response - sent him a bill for a new bell 😂

“Sliced open my little finger on a hidden knife in the sink” dd was a bugger for sticking sharp knives in the soapy water without telling me when I was doing dishes, told her umpteen times not to...then she did exactly as you had when doing dishes herself, she didn’t do it again!

Burnt my writing hand catching a falling iron (that Ironing board had a crappy wire excuse of an iron tray - I don’t iron these days, but dd was at school and I was ironing uniform) day before an exam! Essay questions!

Gave myself a frozen shoulder just by turning awkwardly in bed.

Clearly some of us really aren’t to be trusted. I’m 47 - how have I reached that age?!

Dd is only 19 and has some crackers but we now know due to her having eds but at the time there was a lot of “just how do you sprain an ankle stepping off a kerb when you didn’t even turn it?!”

But thanks for the laughs. Pain I hope you’ve all mostly recovered from (though I understand the ones with back injuries - backs are NEVER the same after they’re buggered)

Just a few weeks ago I shut my thumb in the door. Not the way you'd imagine, by slamming the door in a hurry.

No. I was standing leaning on the door frame with my thumb in the hinge. (Why would a person put her hand there? I don't know. I've never done it before.) Used other hand to slowly and carefully close door. Crunch.

You wouldn't think it was even possible.

Also I have a great scar on my hand from when a chef I was working with passed me a blowtorch that was still on 🙃

Burned my arm with a hot air gun.
Broke my toe changing a light bulb.
Bled everywhere after trying to catch a glass that jumped out of a cupboard, I have a v shaped scar on my finger.
Twisted my ankle falling into a ditch filled with snow.
Got a black eye standing up to asshats on bikes.