What are the most stupid injuries you’ve had?

[UnicornRiders]

I know this isn’t the right place, but let’s try to create some humour on AIBU for once

My most stupid injuries are,

I slept funny on my arm which resulted in a dead arm, I then slapped myself across the face, leaving a bruise

Was moving a rock in my garden, dropped it on my foot and broke a toe

Knocked myself out chasing my friend up a slide - I was 14

Went over the handlebars of my Chopper, snapped my front tooth in half. A week later, same thing, broke my arm. Outside the doctor’s house in my street. Handy.

Escorting a mate’s dc on a hack, she decided to race me, I didn’t want to as we were too close to a road. Big thoroughbred idiot I was riding decided she did and bucked me off. Two dislocated wrists. Managed to lead stupid mare home. I couldn’t lift my restorative pint in the pub so had a straw.

Catching in a mate’s mare, she objected to another horse, went through me to get to her, trampled me, stood on my knee, ripped off half my calf.
Took 4 months for the hole behind the knee to heal.

Someone threw a stone at our hallway window, I stood on glass, 2 pieces rubbed together for days til I managed to get them out with a needle. I could hear them grating together as I went up a flight of stairs at work.

Slipped while beachcombing last week, off for another set of xray Monday

Oh and classic, I was sanding a door threshold, lying flat to get super close. Passed the sander over my head to do the other side, dropped it on my eyebrow. Bonkers black eye then the other one came out in sympathy. Fun two weeks teaching: despite theatrical makeup, the bruising/swelling was pretty obvious.

I broke my ankle when an overexcited poodle pulled me off a high kerb.

I stepped on a wet leaf on the edge of a low kerb, slipped off, and sprained my ankle.

Testing lava-hot caramel by dipping my finger in it. And then passed out with the pain.

Stabbed myself in the palm of my hand with a kitchen knife whilst attempting to get the stone out of a particularly ripe avocado. Had to wait a few hours in A&E for one stitch.

I used to be petrified of Crane Flies.

Sat chilling with a glass of wine one night and one of the fuckers landed next to the wine glass. So I picked the glass up by the rim and squished it under the bottom of 5he stem. Only the rim shattered as I did so and my hand continued to thrust down, so I ended up with stitches and still have the scar 5 years on!

Broke my foot falling off a pair of wedges (went over in my ankle in them). Ironically was on the way to the GP at the time who told me it was broken and to go to A&E

At a ball, very dressed up. Platform high heels (you know where this is going) fell off a 3" kerb and sprained both ankles and also broke one. Getting to the taxi was a right larf, he was very unsympathetic and laughed. Couldn't walk for a week, the only way to get round the house was by walking on my knees with my damaged feet turned up in the air!

Broke my arm messing around arm wrestling, Dr at A & E found it very amusing!

Stabbed myself in the palm of my hand with a kitchen knife whilst attempting to get the stone out of a particularly ripe avocado.
I dig the stone out with a dessert spoon.

Blowing up balloons and one burst in my face. Got a black eye and bruised eyeball.

I once dropped a marrow on my foot, my toenail scraped the skin off the marrow which went under my toenail. It all got infected. In the end I had to cut my toenail off as short as I could to release the infection. I missed my sister in laws birthday celebration because I couldn't get a shoe on as it was too painful.
When I was about 20, I tripped at the top of a set of stone steps and slid down the lot on my shins. The bruises lasted for months. I had had a few (a lot) of drinks.

I punched myself in the face in body combat last night.

Not very hard - I don't know whether to be relieved or embarrassed.