aibu about your 40's

[notespeciallyno]

Aibu to wonder what your 40's were like or are like?

Late 40s. Body is definitely struggling! But I'm also fitter than when I was in my 30s. Going grey is a bummer, but I've stopped dyeing my hair and I'm embracing it. Absolutely the best relationship time, though. Been with my partner 10 years and it feels genuinely honest and fun. I think as I've got older I've become more honest and open and more 'myself.'

I don't care about going out so much, which is great!

Omg so good to hear I'm not the only one with these crazy body changes. I haven't really put on weight but it's a struggle to keep off. Exercise just makes me hurt - but I do try to keep doing it as it does help my mood. My eyesight is horrendous and I cannot get used to my variedfocals so just walk around squinting or staring!! 😣 The worse thing are my flaming hormones though. Acid reflux, earache, crazy peaks in my libido and mood swings to rival a teenager! My life is nowhere near I want it to be, my husband works away from home and most evenings I'm bored stiff. However, all this is kind of put in the shade by being able to watch my 17 daughter bloom. It's exciting and heartwarming. Most of my pals are pretty much in the same situation as me but sadly alot of them live in a completely different part of the country so I don't see them much. However, one thing I have noticed is that we are not backwards in coming forward and can definitely stand up for ourselves. That feels empowering.

44=
Negatives:
Going blind
Becoming barrel shaped
Requiring Botox
Perimenopause

Positives:
Increasingly Independent children
Financially secure
Zero fucks given

I love being in my 40s mostly but agree that the peri menopause is a b*gger. It helps if you’ve a good group of friends going through similar stage!

The fact of being 40 was the killer for me. I couldn't get round that's how old I was. Once I got used to it, the whole decade was good. It was 50 that knocked me for six! Partner left me, menopause arrived , weight gain, no waist, grey hair, double chin. All my clothes suddenly looked like shit on me, and yes, I became invisible. Seemed to happen overnight. I'm 66 now and quite frankly couldn't give a shit. I've lost weight, get my hair done and wear what I want. But I wouldn't mind looking 45 again!!

I love this thread! And thank you all of you for sharing your journeys so far. I'm just 46 and can honestly say I've never been happier. Separated at 40 from a very abusive relationship. Single parent to 3. Took self off to college. At 42 took self off to university. At 45 qualified as a clinical counsellor. At 46 Just secured new job role with meaning....have a last a career with prospects instead of earning minimum wage to get by....kids keep me focused on the future. They see what hard work and determination can do. Just applied to start a degree in Law.
Yes the weight has crept on but I'm a stone lighter than last year and intend to get at least another off. I have to work harder with my appearance, but that said I enjoy looking after myself as I finally recognise my worth. I've removed all toxic people from my life which has given me inner peace. Like many had said I really dont give any fucks what others think of me. It's not my business. I finally like me and have some self respect. Health is good. Eyesight isn't lol no perimenapause yet. I'm waiting....lol

I'm 50 now and spent most of my 40s severely depressed. I had a lot of physical things going on and I now suspect some Peri-menopausal depression and physical symptoms. Lots of existential angst, low confidence and wondering who the hell am I? I am actually looking forward to my 50s and feel more confident in myself.

I'm in my mid 40s and loving the decade! Much more fun than my 30s which were spent with small infants.

My 40s weren’t great, perimenopause, lots of health & also teeth problems enough, which I think were made worse from teeth that were filled badly in the 1970s, anxiety, more stress at work as you’re in between being young, but not old enough to think about retirement, but you want to be noticed, so feel pressure. Put on weight in 40s, but now early 50s and found it easier to lose....lost 4 stone in just under two years. I didn’t notice wrinkles as much in my forties though as I do in my 50s (sigh)

First child at 43 and second at 45. I’m 46 now and still breastfeeding so not sure what is post partum, breastfeeding linked or perimenopausal. Body feels a lot more creaky lately.

Currently in my late forties, care less what people think, will speak my mind and don't try and please others quite as much! Generally more confident.
More free time now DC are older so have more opportunities for socialising and going out, don't need a babysitter so just more freedom generally.
Also bit more financially secure than when I was younger.
Flip side is parenting teens is challenging and DM has dementia so Im often pulled in both directions.
Also can see that my face and body is aging- eyelids droppy, jowls a bit saggy, weight gain, eyesight failing, knees creaking and grey hair appearing(as has chin hair!) So I guess I'm starting to feel old, whereas once most people were older than me that has now flipped and its heading in the other direction!

So far everything hurts, my hormones have gone nuts, my eyesight but turning shit and my weight is refusing to drop! I feel done and knackered!

^^ This

I’m 42. After losing weight a few years ago and keeping it off, not only has it piled back on but I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. And it’s proving an absolute bastard to lose!

Before, I could cut down on meals for a couple of days and I’d drop a few pounds in those two days. Now I can practically starve myself for a week and I’d be lucky to even lose 1lb!

I’ve got white - not grey - white hairs popping up all over my head (when you have super dark brown hair these buggars stand out a mile).

My sleep patterns seem to be all over the shop, I’m always knackered and I can’t drink alcohol like I used to.

I’m off to put myself on the scrap heap....

I have been happier with each passing decade. My forties were hectic but also a wonderful time with all my babies born but still under my wings. I always wanted kids, so in a way that was the peak time of my life.

But now I'm in my fifties and am having a proper Renaissance - new post-motherhood job, kids turning out nicely and gaining in independence by the day, and as @PickAChew put it perfectly, giving fewer and fewer fucks with each passing year. Loving being the woman who calls out sexist bullshit EVERY TIME, and gets out of the car to direct traffic when people have gridlocked the road through selfish halfwittism. I am fighting invisibility with audibility, speaking up and leaning in far more than I did when I was young and thin and attention was there for the taking. Now, in my fifties, is when I am ready and committed to doing my bit to fix the world.

So yeah, enjoy the confidence your forties will bring, because they will and you deserve it. But don't be afraid of your fifties, because there is no better feeling than the freedom of genuinely not caring what the haters think.

Aging is awesome. I say embrace it!

@BillieEilish - if it’s any comfort I’m now 68, well over menopause, sons all grown with families of their own, husband and I are closer than ever - more time for each other. We travel a lot, we get three or four overseas holidays plus at least another two in country cottages in the UK. We spend loads of time out on the moors with our dogs and we hit the gym three times a week.

In my forties I was stressed out of my mind. I had breast cancer, my youngest son was struggling at university. My job - senior nurse - was demanding and exhausting and my husband was a police officer so our shifts rarely coincided.

Sixties are tons better!

@PrincessSD go you! Well done! I had mine at 39 @ 41, I’m 45 now and feeling it’s a lot easier the past year in terms of the little babies turning into little kids.

Fine really. Learned to drive at 44, got married, have good career and savings, no debt, no menopause symptoms really at age 49. Apart from, nights out fill me with dread as can't handle going to bed past 10pm and its difficult to motivate myself to get out of bed to exercise.

Lincolnfield Thanks! Life sounds amazing!

@PrincessSD so awesome.

There is hope for me yet!

40s were alright, Pretty good even, actually, but not as terrific as the 50s (so far).

They are like the month of September. You start them in the summer and finish in the autumn. I can say this as I turned 50 recently and it's like someone flipped a switch.

I'm 46 and life is pretty good. My 30s were difficult - terrible marriage and terrible divorce, a child that didn't sleep for the first 6 years of his life, family illnesses, no money.

But now...getting married this year to a man who makes me laugh every day, have a well-paid job, lots of friends, ds is a delight (mostly ). I am confident and give no fucks. I know who I am.

Looks-wise, well I've embraced grey hair, intermittent fasting and lots of yoga so whilst I may not exactly look better than my 30-year old self I still scrub up pretty well. The neck is a bit scraggy and the eyelids are a bit droopy but I smile a lot and that seems to make up for it.

I can't do late nights or lots of booze with really suffering for it, and bloody hell I feel the cold now, but all in all the 40s are turning out ok.

All fine till 45 then early menopause, a bad decade, now 57 depression softer menopause clinical

When I was 40 my children were 18,19 and 20 so off my hands. My social life was what it should have been in my 20s. Out every weekend and 2 holidays abroad each year. An excellent decade

Nsky did you get clinical depression? I didn't understand your post.

Has the OP been back, or is the OP a sexist journo for the fail?

Yes Katy, I think it depends on life stage, not age at all really.

DC's, elderly parents, divorce, just married, just divorced, new baby, new start, new job etc