aibu about your 40's

[notespeciallyno]

Aibu to wonder what your 40's were like or are like?

Hard work and sleepless - I had dd when I was 40. She didn’t sleep for more than 3 hours until she was 3.5 years old! I also had a 3 year old.

My teeth fell apart, quite literally I’m about to have a third pulled out since dd was born (I’m 49 now).

Career frustratingly stalled by working part time whilst the dc were small. Just getting back on track now.

I have also noticed that I feel the cold much more, and it’s taking longer to recover from exercise. And I can get a headache from a single glass of wine!

Looks and health -wise 40's were fine up to about 45 then gradual decline. Harder to lose weight, keep fit, skin loses its elasticity and youthful glow. Back fat makes an appearance and I'm not overweight! Basically unless you're blessed with fab genes and/or a lot of dosh to get help with it then you will see unwelcome changes.

Mentally and emotionally you should be more sorted but life's a roller coaster as someone once said.

Only early 40s but much more content than 30s. More accepting of myself and life in general. Less caring about others opinions. Finally feel I'm the real me.
This

40's alright 50's love it, kids grown, no mortgage, dont care what others think, speak your mind, confident to say no, and mean no. Fat yes, and do I care no

Kind of like the rest of my life, something of a rollercoaster. Bits of it are absolutely dreadful, parts of it are good. The difference is I now have the experience to cope with the shit a lot better and really, really appreciate the good. Have managed to overcome a lot of the things that scare me in life, whilst having enough health to enjoy it. I mean there are mysterious aches here and there but I'm healthier than many people who are younger than me, so I'm lucky in that. And overall I'm just more sorted than I was before, even though life isn't always kind.

I'm turning 40 in July and this thread has really helped. I hope my 40s are as good as some of you have had. I'll graduate uni in my 40's, my youngest will be independent half way through and my dh and I can have a bit more time as a couple and I can already feel that I don't give a fuck about people's opinions as much as I used to. My 30s have been difficult - 3 young kids, SAHM for most of them and lack of friends but here's to the next decade

i know this is one of those make your head hurt questions but for thoe anxious or depressed in a previous decade though,do you think you would have said you were more anxious or depressed then if you were actually there now.and everything just feels worse in the moment

if i get there i would love to be one of the "less fucks given"people. the thought of that makes my heart flutter.

Oh my, I'm 40 next month, I did feel quite positive about it!

A very hard decade for me, mother getting older, two sons who were 6-16 and 2-12 in this decade - lots of driving them about, quite intense at school. very expensive decade - by the end the boys were adults in terms of food consumption and other costs. 30's were more exciting and 55 + far more fun. Being in my 60's is great, lots of freedom and retirement in sight.

I have absolutely loved my 40's! I'm 48 soon, but every year of this decade has been great. My dcs are nearly teenagers, so less needy. My career stuff has always been a bit of a train wreck lol, but I'm figuring it out. My body is definitely aging, but I'm embracing my chub and I give absolutely no fucks about what anyone thinks! I just feel really settled in myself and know who I am.

I'm 42, loving it so far. Graduated from a master's, changed career. Kids are up a bit now but still lovely (9&11). I work part time, money is much more solid than at previous times in my life. I've never been one to give loads of fucks about appearance, and I give even less now.
On the downside, I do feel a bit old when talking to younger people; I have a lot of friends in their 20s from doing the masters and they have very strong inflexible views on certain things which broker no discussion/ questions or mistakes and I do fear mortally offending them with an outdated bit of language or accidental bit of cultural appropriation. My livers not up to scratch anymore either, so I drink much much less which is good.
I am also not looking forward to the menopause! Fear I'll get very angry, my bones will crumble my mind will melt and then I'll just die.
Let's see...

I've only just entered my 40s but so far so good. Body and face are not in the best nick but I've started doing more exciting things (well exciting to me, probably par of the course for others) and started a degree.

I enjoyed them - life's what you make it and all that ...

@Igglepigglesgrubbyblanket

I am also not looking forward to the menopause! Fear I'll get very angry, my bones will crumble my mind will melt and then I'll just die.
Let's see...

That just made my grumpy self chuckle a little

Eyesight is shit and menopause and peri menopause also shit

I have more autonomy over my own life though which is good and no mortgage which is also great

kateandme in answer to your question, no. I can only describe it as being Stuck in 2nd gear when I usually drive in 5th. I am down a significant level in everything and whereas I’ve had times when I had relationship, money,, family, career problems I have never felt like it’s all too much and that is the feeling I had

In my 40's I have lost both parents and been through a divorce and am now a single mum, so they've had their challenges! (I'm 48 now)

However I've learned to take responsibility for my physical and mental well being and now watch what I eat, run 10-15k a week (including parkrun) and have learnt many strategies from my hypnotherapist for whatever life throws at me.

As they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

started really well, am now 45 and probably struggling more with anxiety and mental health than I ever have- want to get my mojo back but really don't know how!

It's not been the best so far. Anxiety and perimenopause

I'm 46 and am enjoying my 40s, on the whole. There are some physical deteriorations, but I've discovered that many of them are fixable if you're prepared to put in a bit of effort. I've taken up ballet, Pilates and running and all of them really help with weight gain, changing shape, self confidence and flexibility - all of which can take a hit in this decade. I've also just gone on HRT and I fucking love it! I hadn't realised the extent to which my aches and pains were from a lack of oestrogen, but within 48 hours of starting HRT they were gone. My forgetfulness, grumpiness and low mood were also, it turns out, due to low oestrogen. I cannot say it enough to women in their 40s - if you're experiencing this (and many more symptoms), go and talk to your doctor.

And yes, no fucks given. It's SO liberating to not care so much what anyone else thinks. My kids too are no longer babies and my life has improved hugely. My 30s were hard work with pregnancy, babies, toddlers, etc, but in my 40s I feel like myself again and it's pretty damn great.

For those of us on here who have the anxiety issue- what did or do you do to help yourself? Sometimes I feel like I am going to make a terrible decision like leaving DP to just give myself some headspace but I know that's not what I really want- has anyone got any good coping strategies?

ProgrammableMagneticStorm

Your life of lectures, theatre and opera sounds ace!

Interesting that some of you are suffering from anxiety in your 40's. At 47 my anxiety has gotten to the point of being daily and unbearable. Could this be a symptom of perimenopause?

Anxiety is absolutely linked to hormonal changes.

My coping strategy (which has helped massively) is counselling. Because the anxiety is also linked to life events. Journaling, mediation and also practising daily gratitude (when you allow yourself to feel happy and grateful, you cannot feel anxious).

It’s gone from being pretty overwhelming to my recognising what’s happening and nipping it in the bud there and then.