aibu about your 40's

[notespeciallyno]

Aibu to wonder what your 40's were like or are like?

sassbott my anxiety is linked to very low self esteem I think - I really like your advice of daily gratitude- I think I will investigate this further- thank you!

It's not been great, like everyone else i'm getting fatter and it's become almost impossible to lose weight. The daily tiredness, aches and pains are a real drag. It definitely becomes the time where you realise how you might have abused your body in your 20s and 30s. My favourite part of the day is going to bed with a good book! times definitely change

Only just turned 40 but heading into it feeling positive. Am in a relatively new relationship following divorce, have just had a baby, also have fantastic teenagers...feel more confident in looks etc than I have in years despite my postnatal body (maybe that comes from not really giving a shit what others think anymore...?).

Oh yes and eyesight. Decline from perfect vision at 40 to now 10 years later, not being able to do anything much without my glasses. I don't mind as such and I quite like the look of glasses, but it does make me feel old.

like everyone else i'm getting fatter

I am the leanest I have ever been in my 40's. I went low carb / keto and that is the key. Our ability to regulate insulin effectively goes down as we age so you have to keep it low yourself by not eating a load of carbs. It is not inevitable you put on weight in your 40's - unless you keep on at the carbs of course!

It is harder to lose weight now, but I think I could probably be more slim and glowing if I didn't have so much else to think about and had more free time. Gym every day, time to put together the ideal meals and snacks. But when you finish work/school run, have to cater for a fussy eater child and a veggie teen, while throwing a wash on and trying to answer an urgent work email, it goes out of the window. If they'll eat pizza I'm eating pizza.

Yes @RhodaCamel, classic symptom on perimenopause.

The issue of having time for yourself is a big one. I do, but I know so many women who are run ragged at this stage of life between work, kids, parents, home. It's hard to take good care of yourself, get enough exercise and enough sleep when you're always on the go.

All the things that are supposed to happen in life have happened a decade later for me. Motherhood at 43, and DS will turn 21 this year. But 50 - 59 were the toughest years. Work dried up, so I planned out a career change, then DH had several years of poor health and a series of operations, and the new qualifications were achieved just in time to be considered too old for proper employment. ILs health failed and FIL died after a long period of deterioration while MIL developed vascular dementia and became hard work, which sapped DH's mood and energy. Friendships altered a great deal. But it seems to be back on track now. DS is at last headed to university, after teen anxiety. DH is well and the small company he started 30 years ago is flourishing as never before. I have been very lucky in having robust good health and a full set of longevity genes: both my parents are still with us, in decent health for mid-80s.

I’m 37 and I feel like I’ve just come out of a shell. I feel beautiful, I’ve found confidence. My skin has shit days but every new person I meet thinks I’m in my mid-20’s, when it was the opposite when I was in my 20’s.

My back aches, and I have other weird pains around my body that don’t go away quickly, but I feel like I don’t give a shit anymore!! I can’t wait to get to 40!

like everyone else i'm getting fatter

Not me either. I was at my largest at age 25 (I was a bit depressed I think) and I was then at the very top end of the healthy weight range. I quickly lost a stone of that and then gradually lost the next stone over my 30s, then 40s then 50s, at the rate of about half a pound a year, without trying and without paying it any attention (and actually I think that is probably the key) so that now, in my late 50s, I'm on the very border of the underweight/healthy weight range.

I haven't put on weight but I do find I need to be a bit more careful of what I eat. I don't care if it's carbs or whatever, I just have to reduce the snacking on junk. I appreciate it's not the same for everyone.

Talking of perimenopause along with anxiety I developed vertigo, a feeling of being off balance and I sometimes get really low blood sugar and feel faint. I wondered what on earth was going on, thought I had a brain tumour or diabetes. I've had lots of health tests and they think it's nothing sinister. I've noticed my symptoms are so much worse before and during my period. That's when your oestrogen levels plummet. I've heard other perimenopause women have these symptoms so I'm sure it's that.

I'm still in my 40th year and am reading this thread with my now needed reading glasses on. I was feeling vaguely positive until this week kicked me right in the olds

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead

It has made me seize the day, as tomorrow it may all be gone. Strangely this has not depressed me but made me enjoy every moment there is to enjoy.

I so agree with this. I lost a parent in my 20's so already knew that life can be short, but since hitting 40, I've made a conscious effort to stop faffing about and take opportunities. I've tried skiing, surfing (rubbish at both because I'm so nervous about falling ; learnt how to swim well and discovered that I love water and am a strong swimmer, which is great. I've got involved in work projects that have stretched me and also learnt to say no without worrying so much about the consequences.

My SIL, who's in her early 50's, is similar and she says middle-age has been liberating for her.

I think it’s quite sad that a question like, “what are your forties like” elicits so many responses about putting on weight. As if that is all there is to life!

Tired all the time. My mum says life begins at 50.

Much the same as my 30s but with less fucks given*
*
This ^^

48 today!

I split with some 6 months ago and since then I've had the best social life ever, feel happy , love my job, and looking at photos I look far more attractive now than 10 years ago.

If I could stop wine and exercise more I reckon I would be in a better place than ever.
I dipped a toe into the online dating world and was bowled over at the bloody gorgeous blokes interested so I feel pretty good about my age !
I'm lucky I suppose because I've always looked younger than I am - used to hate it in my 20s , now can't complain! No wrinkles yet. Decent hair and teeth, figure and dress sense so I don't feel anywhere near my age , but neither do I look it . My kids are adults so I enjoy their company, and my confidence is renewed!

Deteriorating eyesight, any injury takes longer to heal, bereavements to deal with and filled with other grown up stresses and tribulations.

But, more financially secure and lots more holidays. Fitter and lighter at 48 than I was at 40. More aware of health and the importance of looking after it. And like others, less fucks given.

I recommend getting a younger man, it brightens your 40s up.

Got I'm slimmer and fitter now than I was at 32.

Love it so far.

@supersop60 so inspired to see you had a baby at 44.

I'm not there yet but my sister is and she is living her best life .. she is like a new person

I loved my forties and even my fifties, well the first half, menopause kicked in, so face starts to fall, wrinkles are worse, sex is bit sore if you know what I mean, I have kept the weight off for now, still in 10 or 12, will be sixty in August, let see what it brings.

I'm 45 and so far pretty good, I look better than in my 30s because my kids are less needy now so I have more time to exercise, generally take care of myself and sleep. Career is the only thing that is lacking, taking a step back in my 30s really hurt my progression and I feel stuck and want to be doing more but so far nothing has worked out. But overall I can't complain

Bit of a blip in early 40s getting hashimotos and once that was fixed... I feel bloody great! I don’t seem to be looking middle aged yet (or maybe I’m delusional, highly likely!) no major changes ... life is good!