aibu about your 40's

[notespeciallyno]

Aibu to wonder what your 40's were like or are like?

MadameMeursault congratulations!

Great, thus far.
No. Just kidding.

Middle aged spread but much more assertive

I'm 41 and so far my 40s are the best. A few weeks after my 40th birthday I took my DS to the roller rink and found my passion. I skate all the time now. I dance in the rink and am now around elementary level for artistic skating, which is figure skating on roller skates. I skate full marathon distances outside. And I'm not shamefully bad at the skatepark. In fact I'm working on my handstand and cartwheels, neither of which I could do since I was 7, so I can handstand at the top of a halfpipe and cartwheel from fakie at the bottom.

I've never, ever been fitter in my life. I have muscle definition all over, including a six-pack where I once had horrendous pregnancy damage. And I've gotten all this fitness from playing. At least 3 times a week, more when the weather allows, I strap wheels on my feet and go out playing, usually with my friends. I feel about 9 years old most of the time. It's great.

Love and solidarity to Justjuggling and all who are facing challenges. I’ve learned a lot, not always enjoyably, and one of the biggest has been that nothing is more important than the people in my life. That’s for good and bad: I now spend more time with those I love and who uplift me, and as little as possible with users.

My forties were overall good.

ds was 5-15 in my forties and it has been amazing seeing him grow and develop into a (so far!) lovely teen.

I was made redundant in my early forties after 24 years at the same company, but got a fresh new interesting job.

Made a new set of friends (mums from ds's old footie club) and we keep in touch and go out every couple of months.

Overweight, but have never defined myself by my body shape. I am loud enough not be invisible.

Developed tinnitus in both ears early 40s and haven't heard silence since. I lost some people along the way, dad died suddenly, and it was incredibly tough. Neither of these defined a decade either and I had the energy and resilience to deal with them.

50's are much harder so far and I am only 52!!!! If feels like there has been a huge step change in the last couple of years. I will need glasses for near sight soon (have had for distance since my 20s), seem to be at the Drs constantly since diagnosed with high blood pressure, lots of joint aches and pains, visible hair loss. Lots of time at dentists too with root treatments and for gum health. Finding it hard to have me time working full time, supporting a teen sitting exams and a frail elderly mum that needs a lot of my time. Periods are all over the place and have menopausal symptoms, but blood tests say otherwise. Feel less confident and edging towards being too risk adverse to the point of avoidance (again might be menopause related). Instead of enjoying a new challenge at work initial thoughts are apprehension and a fear of failure. Avoid some social situations I would have previously enjoyed. Feel like a different person and hoping this will all pass in a couple of years if it is menopause!

40's were great. Now...pushing 60...that's a different story.

Just turned 40 and am the best I've ever been.

Weight is fine and I'm just working on getting it down a bit more, hair is not grey yet bar the odd one here and there, generally look younger than my age according to reactions from others, robust health, fulfilling life, money ok, lovely DD - still young but a good kid.

I am finally becoming the person I want to be and feedback at work is consistently "everyone should have a puppymouse on their team" which is lovely. I have been an unhappy, disordered eating people pleaser my whole life so far. It's very liberating to give fewer shits.

Menopause also seems to rock up ridiculously late on the maternal side of my family so I'm hoping I have many years before I need to endure that.

I am appreciating every moment as I know something will burst the bubble at some point. The main thing is everyone has their health.

How old are you OP?

My 40s were so very different from the rest of my life as I had DD at 41. A whole new world was opened up to me, and I made a number of new friends through meeting other mums at toddler groups and school.

I'm 61 now and still in pretty good nick.

Got separated and divorced as I was entering my 40s, but that was a good thing (the result, not why it happened).
In a new and promising relationship.

The body is starting its downward spiral for sure, but I'm more confident in myself in some ways.

It's been great seeing DS grow to a lovely teenager, as much as teenagers can be.

Alittleprivacy, that sounds such fun! And quite an amazing achievement

I started playing tennis in my 40s, made loads of new friends, got fitter than I have ever been. Play almost daily now.

Kids are teens now, parents elderly and frail, DH has health issues but is ok for now and also fit and happy

I realise daily that everything can change at any moment, your whole life can come crashing down just like that. Friends have died, one is in terminal stage of cancer, strokes, divorces, depression, it all happens to people in their 40s it seems

It has made me seize the day, as tomorrow it may all be gone. Strangely this has not depressed me but made me enjoy every moment there is to enjoy

Grey hair and wrinkles and varicose veins.... yeah so what, that does not bother me

For me 40s have been a good decade So far. But yeah, that can all change at any time...

I think 40s can be quite hard, as your body starts to go downhill.

That said, i think it’s more a case of getting used to not being so young, putting into place better exercise and general health regimes and maybe mine will get better as I’m going along.

I finally feel vaguely grown up/ mature so that’s a good thing.

I'm 43, primary school age kids. It feels a bit 'inbetweeny'. We both took the hit on our careers in order to focus on family life and I'm beginning to see now the damage its done (I'm stuck at a level, DH cannot get back into work after several years as SAHD). We don't have as much money as I'd have thought we did.

I'm only 3 years into this decade though so maybe things will improve!

I felt a bit defeated in mid forties but then a hot young guy at work triggered a two stone weight loss and I felt absolutely bloody amazing.

Since losing the weight I'm thinking ok, what other self improvements am I actually capable of? I'm growing my hair, ditching glasses for contacts etc. Having the time of my life, especially as our mortgage is now paid off.

Friends have struggled with menopause issues but we're all supporting each other and when mine arrives I know I have a team behind me.

DS gets more interesting every day, so parenting finally feels more like reward than grind.

My parents are a worry but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

I’m 47 and starting to find my 40’s such hard work. I am dealing with moody/hormonal teens, elderly parents (my mum has Alzheimer’s and mil has a chronic/terminal condition), Inlook after an elderly lady and a disabled lady. I am probably in peri and have awful anxiety and period issues. Most of my friends in their 40’s say they feel like shit most days too. I look after myself and keep my weight down etc but it is all staring to feel like a daily battle, a bit like wading through treacle in concrete boots! I am also starting to feel invisible yet still feel like I am at everyone’s beck and call (from the kids to the elderly people in my life). I very much enjoyed my 30’s and felt full of life, just wish I felt the same about my 40’s.

Health worries but more freedom from childcare.

Not so great at beginning but steadily improved and ended up great.

Just gone 47. Had kids young so they are all grown up and doing their own thing. Starting to think that grand kids would be nice..... eventually. Work hard but can no longer play hard. Body is slowing down but im content with that. Life did not go the direction expected but I never really had a plan anyway.

Best thing about my 40's is the longer they go on the less fucks I give. And that is so incredibly liberating!

Looking back, my 40th birthday was the lowest point of my life. Newly divorced with a toddler. No job and moved back in with my parents. But I knew I had to get myself back into the workplace to provide for my child, which is what I was able to do. Met my lovely husband who has been an amazing Dad to my daughter. We had such fun going places and doing things together. He encouraged me to do an OU degreee which was a wonderful experience. By the end of the decade I'd changed from my original job into a career in education. I did get a decent divorce settlement from the house, so we bought a lovely old cottage in a village where there was a great primary school. Looks wise, I think I looked great (that sounds boastful, doesn't it?) - it was like having an un-looked for second chance in life. I know I was very lucky.

Overall my 40s were by far the best decade of my life. My DC became adults so I was free to do what I wanted, and they needed less financial input from me! I travelled to all the places I’d always wanted to visit, but hadn’t been able to before due to having the DC at such a young age. I was still fit and full of energy. I was more confident than I was in my 20’s/30’s. More able to say no to things I didn’t want to do. There were some troublesome spots but things that were nothing to do with age.

But...at 49 it started to slide. Went into peri menopause and I’m still suffering with that a lot (am 50 now). After years of looking a good few years younger I suddenly looked my age. Now I ache a lot and get tired really easily. I can see a huge difference in my energy levels between 40 and 50. I’m quite shocked by how quickly I’ve declined! But I am hoping that once this menopause business is all over and done, I can return to, if not how I was before, better than I am now!

42 now. The last couple of years have been very tough with DH experiencing life changing injury and me being the sole earner. That has, however, translated into quite a bit of career success for me and I'm feeling confident and optimistic about my professional life. Physically I feel older and can't do what I used to, so I'm aware that I need to spend more time on my physical health. I'm thinking ahead to my 50s and what kind of future I want and trying to plan for that now, and it's not as anxiety-making as I thought. Overall, although I'm very conscious my youth is behind me, I am feeling like the future holds a lot of potential as long as ai play it right!

Early 40s were fine. Once perimenopause and health issues set in, not so much.

I realise daily that everything can change at any moment, your whole life can come crashing down just like that.

Yes, this. Since my late 40s I have been constantly living with the possibility that something catastrophic will happen to my or a family member's health and I feel pressure to do everything now, before it's too late.

It's a shame, as I am financially comfortable finally, and have a nice job and home. I just don't feel able to relax and enjoy it.

40's have not been great.

ExH had a classic mid life affair with someone who looked exactly like me, only 15 years younger. Destroyed my self confidence, and trust in anyone.
Post 45 my body started to suffer constant injury meaning I had to give up the sports that had kept me active and sane for the previous 20 years. Hormones also started to change, heavier periods, low mood, exhaustion etc

Looking forward to getting through peri-menopuase and out the other side of menopause.

In summary 40-45 is fine. 45 plus is not.

I was probably at my physical peak in my 40s. I looked good and felt amazing. I had little DC at the start of it and older ones at the end of it. My DH was great and we all enjoyed good health and were more financially secure than in our 30s. I loved my part time work, had a wonderful group of friends and we moved to our dream home when I was 45. Happy, happy days.

All that being said, I am now approaching 60 and my 50s have been pretty good too. (family ill health and bereavements aside, but they are inevitable as you age).