To think that wedding registeries are outdated?

[GingaNinja84]

Trying to explain this to my mum is a nightmare.

Getting married next February after seven years of living together. We have everything we need after living together for so long.....however, for our honeymoon we have our sights set on a long weekend in Singapore next year for the Formula 1 Grand Prix.

My mum says it's rude to ask for money and she can't believe I'd ever even consider something like that. She says I should make a registry with Amazon and if people want to give money instead they can send a cheque. But I shouldn't be asking.

AIBU here to think that a registry is slightly outdated now? I see her point in that I could use it as a chance to get nicer versions of things we already have (Le Creuset casserole dish instead of my old TK Maxx special etc....)....we just don't value material possessions that much! I'd kill to see the Grand Prix in Singapore. Even if each guest gave £5 we'd have enough to cover the grandstand tickets.

Am I being an awful person for even considering this?

If you don’t need your guests to spend their cash on gifts, you don’t need your guests to spend their cash on your holiday.

I hate being asked for cash for any kind of gift but I love choosing gifts for people.

We did a Trailfinders honeymoon account. 13 years ago, this is nothing new your mum needn't be shocked!

Real mix of opinions on here and it really is leaving me a little stumped!

I'm agreeing with a lot of other people here. How is asking for a small contribution to a honeymoon any less grabby than a gift list? A tradition that's been around since they invented those barcode bleepers back in the 80's 😂

Maybe I am old fashioned but I think it is absolutely outrageous to ask for money for a holiday for guests to a wedding. No i don’t want to pay for you to go to Singapore. I honestly don’t understand this and think it is 100% entitled behaviour. Have never understood the brass cheek of it. Feel I
Am very much out on a limb on this ?

I do agree with that, I’m getting married next year and I will be just grateful if people turn up, if and what they gift me isn’t even something I’m thinking about.

@HeronLanyon you’re definitely not out on a limb

Whew. I’m actually really generous and love giving gifts or whatever. There’s just something that really rankles about it. Tacky is what I think b

50 years ago you would have ended up with six toasters. Then gift registers stopped that. And now requests for money towards an experience (holiday, event, etc) have stopped that.
I say move with the times and the people who attend your wedding should love you enough to give you something you want rather than what they think you should have.

I’m with you Heron. I love to give gifts but money for holidays feels unbelievably crass: ‘Give us yer cash, we don’t care about your taste’. Gift giving is a two way process, it’s not just about the receiving.

I don’t think you should ask for anything but make it clear to people that you don’t need a new kettle/toaster etc if they ask. When I got married everyone knew we already lived together so no one got us anything like that. We were given a few thoughtful gifts which I love and money which made our honeymoon much better. We also had a couple of guests not give a gift because they couldn’t afford it which we couldn’t care less about. Don’t make a list, if people ask what you need tell them nothing, just their presence. Hopefully common sense will prevail and you’ll be given money.

Genuinely astounded at the amount of people who don't believe I should get anything at all, for the crime of being with my fiancé 7 years. Like there's an age cut off for social etiquette and niceties?

I'll say it again....it would be interesting to hear about all the wonderful charitable donations their own weddings raised. Feel like I need to apologise now for wanting a once in a lifetime trip instead of four thousand toasters.

I don't understand those replies either @GingaNinja84

If I am invited to a birthday party - I take a gift
If I am invited to a special anniversary party - I take a gift
If I am invited to a wedding - I take a gift.

That is just social etiquette.
Absolutely, 100% I wouldn't mind (or even notice) if someone came without a gift, if I were hosting, but we all know that, overwhelmingly, when people are invited to something then they are likely to want to give a present.
Gift lists aren't asking someone to give a present, they are there so that, if a guest would like to give a present, then they have an idea of what the people they are buying for would like, and to make sure they don't get lots of duplicates of the same item. If you are from some completely different cutlure to myself where it isn't the norm to take a gift when you are invited somewhere, then you wouldn't ask to see the gift list, would you ?

Again OP...

No you don't ASK, because without a gift list folks will ASSUME to give you cash anyway, without you suffering the indignity of asking for it.

It's a win win!!

Last time I went to a wedding, guests were given the option of giving something for the honeymoon. It was really nicely worded (‘don’t feel you have to’) and I thought it was an excellent idea. Much better than a wedding list as the gift amounts went up in multiples of ten so it was much more flexible for all budgets.

And it is ok to expect presents. I think a gift should cost at least the same as a meal with wine plus £20 - more if I am close to the couple. Of course I am not implying everyone should do the same thing. It’s just a rule of thumb.

I am distinctly middle aged and have never been married GingaNinja84 and I don’t think you’re being rude at all!

I have been to several weddings where pinning money on the bride was utterly culturally normal and others where gifting money in envelopes was the norm.
There isn't just one way of getting married that is normal
( we asked for JL vouchers and used them for years afterwards in fits and starts)
But honestly I remember my honeymoon better than the toaster so I think OP has the right idea.

Okay. So I'm thinking avoid poems on invites....don't have a gift list at all and let people make up their own mind? Chances are I'd get money or gift cards anyway?

Definitely go with that OP.

Times have changed. In the last five years I’ve attended six weddings and five of them asked for money to fund their honeymoon. It’s the modern way.

I think money is fine. Would much rather contribute towards something the bride and groom actually want and a once in a lifetime experience like that sounds incredible. You don't need new crockery... times have changed!

So grabby and naff to ask for cash. It costs so much for guests to attend a wedding anyway.

I love it when people just want cash. Money in the card - sorted! So much easier for guests.

Whenever I get married I'll opt for the gift list. Yes, we might be a established couple, have kids, own our own place but we're always in need of nice stuff for our home! I find asking money for a honeymoon very tacky. Besides we've travelled together before the baby came round so to me that was the honeymoon.

Practically every wedding I’ve ever been to late twenties to mid thirties in age of couple have asked for honeymoon contributions Or vouchers. It’s not grabby or strange as no one has to give a present and this is always stressed.
We didn’t mention presents on our invites at all and pretty much everyone gave money or vouchers anyway! You may find the same.

I hate that people ask for money to fund their honeymoon. I rarely give money, but there again, I rarely buy from the registry, either. Usually it is beyond my budget. However, if I am being invited to a wedding, it usually means that I know them quite well and know their likes/dislikes and tastes and base my gift buying on that.

However, I know its common to ask for money instead of gifts, so in that case, asking for a contribution towards something specific, rather than just the honeymoon in general, is slightly less sick-making imo. My thoughts are that if you can't afford the honeymoon you want without your guests contributing, you shouldn't be going.