To think that wedding registeries are outdated?

[GingaNinja84]

Trying to explain this to my mum is a nightmare.

Getting married next February after seven years of living together. We have everything we need after living together for so long.....however, for our honeymoon we have our sights set on a long weekend in Singapore next year for the Formula 1 Grand Prix.

My mum says it's rude to ask for money and she can't believe I'd ever even consider something like that. She says I should make a registry with Amazon and if people want to give money instead they can send a cheque. But I shouldn't be asking.

AIBU here to think that a registry is slightly outdated now? I see her point in that I could use it as a chance to get nicer versions of things we already have (Le Creuset casserole dish instead of my old TK Maxx special etc....)....we just don't value material possessions that much! I'd kill to see the Grand Prix in Singapore. Even if each guest gave £5 we'd have enough to cover the grandstand tickets.

Am I being an awful person for even considering this?

@MadamePewter cross posting.

We won't be booking our honeymoon until after the wedding, no. Mainly because we'll be trying for our second baby, and I don't want to risk being pregnant at the wrong time.

All too weird for me

I don’t get the money or gift thing full stop. I mean it’s a celebration of a new partnership. If you have already been partnered, then why would people bother beyond a bottle of crlbratory bubbly.

We put “ no gifts” and some people gave nothing, some gave sentimental gifts if the wedding and only parents gave a bit of cash.

Don't ask for anything at all, there's really no need.

The majority will give you money anyway.

Totally ok to ask for honeymoon money, we did in 2014 and all our friends did too unless they didn't have a list at all.

We planned our honeymoon with Audley although other companies do similar things.... we booked all the excursions etc in advance and Audley set up a site where people could buy that 'excursion' or a 'bottle of bubbly at X hotel' so different levels as you'd expect on a list. So, it was a bit of a cheat as we'd committed to paying for it all anyway and the gifts just went into a big pot but to guests it seemed they were getting us a 'thing' and we paid the balance off at the end.

Having just done a major clear out to make space for baby junk I 100% value those memories more than special wedding 'stuff' when my tastes have changed a lot in just 5 years and I'd be terrified of using it anyway for fear of breakages 💁🏻‍♀️

Enjoy your day, your honeymoon and lives together!!! ❤️

I’m 25. I find the idea of asking for money horrifyingly rude. We didn’t want stuff for our wedding so we didn’t have a registry and just told people that gifts were entirely optional and not expected. We had a few things that we were given which we have cherished. We had a few people give us John Lewis vouchers. And some people just gave us cards. The norm though is to make a registry but only tell people about it if they enquire.

Let everyone know you already have a house full of possessions and therefore no gifts but if they really want to, name a charity for donations. I hate the idea of people asking for money - if you want a honeymoon, pay for it yourselves.

I’ve only once been asked for money as a wedding present. I couldn’t bring myself to give actual cash - I gave a John Lewis voucher.

Dreadful.

I hate it
Say nothing
You will get given cash
But any mention of gifts is naff

FWIW been married 15 years and we still use the very simple but sturdy denby my MIL wanted to give us. We hadn’t asked for it... didn’t think we needed it... turns out we have really appreciated it

I’d probably take a bottle of bubbly in those circumstances.

I see this a lot on here, yet I don't like champagne, and nor do a lot of people I know. So you still feel under pressure of social etiquette to 'take a gift' when invited to a wedding, but you prefer to take something they don't want / don't like / won't use, than something they would quite like ?

People who think a gift list is rude do understand that you opt in to buying something off the list if you want to give a gift, don't you? That there isn't a bouncer at the door only letting you in if you turn up with a gift? That the B&G don't 'allocate' what they want everyone to buy ? You do know that it is there as a wish list should anyone choose to buy them a gift ?

I prefer to give cash, it’s easier and at least I know I’m not wasting my money on something that might not get used or might get regifted. I’ve actually never been to a wedding that had a gift registry, I think making a list of things you want people to buy you is more tacky than saying you would prefer money tbh.

All the weddings I’ve been to lately have said on the invites that guests don’t need to give anything, but if they wish to they could contribute towards a honeymoon or home renovations etc as the couple have everything they need. No one has ever expressed to me that they’ve found this rude and everyone has understood if a couple has been living together for a while they probably don’t need crockery and towels. So I don’t see the issue with that, or think it’s any worse than directing people to an online list of things you want them to buy you, which although might be tradition seems very tacky and presumptuous to me.

I have been to one wedding in the past ten years that had a gift registry - they are dying out and not a minute too soon.

In my opinion asking for set of plain white pasta bowls from White Company for £14 each when you could buy them for £1.50 at Ikea (and don’t even own your own home!!) is far cheekier than asking for a contribution to honeymoon activities 😂

Asking for contributions to renovations is surely a new low...

A bottle of bubbly is a token gesture and a fairly standard celebratory item and surely it doesn’t matter anyway if no gifts specified..?

We didn't live together before marriage (15 years ago, military so co-habiting not an option). We had nothing and were setting up home from scratch. In our circle, everyone had a registry, and asked us for details of ours as soon as invitations went out.

I hate being asked for cash and will ask for registry details, but I recognize that our situation is atypical these days.

I don’t think it’s a generational thing. I’m 22 and got married just over a year ago and would never have asked for money (yes had our own house didn’t need things to set up home). We didn’t have a registry either, if people wanted to get us a gift then that was up to them and they could pick out something nice that they could affford. I got the big Irish wedding I wanted a lot of our friends and dhs family had to come over to northern ireland from London and we didn’t want them to spend any more money because they felt forced to as we’d asked for gifts or money from people.

I have been to one wedding in the past ten years that had a gift registry

I've been to 2 in the last 4 months, both of which did.
Personally, I gave money at both - very happy to let them buy whatever they wish with it - but they both had lists you could refer to if you chose to give a physical gift. Great, so you knew what you were getting was something they'd appreciate.

I did a jotter pad with each page having something on it that we wanted, we included things like gift vouchers for shops like John Lewis & Argos plus some things like Towels etc & what colours we wanted. After the wedding we had a good amount of vouchers which paid towards things we needed to complete our home, we got enough vouchers to pay for carpeting our Hall, stairs & landing, wardrobes & chest of drawers, plus things we needed for the kitchen like a blender, storage jars etc. We didn't have one duplicated present & nothing we didn't want or need. Could you decide on a travel agency & find out if they do vouchers? Or is there a restaurant chain that has branches where you are planning to travel to?

@Nat6999 I'm thinking about this now. As we'd like to go to Singapore this is a destination covered by many agencies. I've actually just been browsing (after a PP mentioned Trailfinders...) so am thinking this might be a less grabby way of doing it?

@MadamePewter why is it any worse than asking for a blender or a set of John Lewis bath towels though? In both scenarios you’re trying to dictate what people gift you. I think the most “acceptable” option is to leave the invite blank or state “no gifts please”, but I don’t see how saying if people want to give a gift then we’d prefer cash that we can put towards x,y or z is any worse than saying I would like you to buy me these towels or plates or toaster etc :S

Asking for anything is grabby. Don't have a gift registry and don't ask for money!

We got married in 2018 and didn't want to ask people for money or send out a registry, so we didn't make any mention of gifts on the invitations at all (despite PIL really trying to push for us to send out a gift list). Almost everyone gave us money anyway, so it might be that people will default to money if you don't ask for anything.

@Elsiebear90 I think it’s grabby to ask for anything.

Especially when you’ve specified you need nothing.

Just get married and be grateful if people come and grateful for anything they happen to give you: it’s not a money making exercise

I wish we had done a small registry. We wanted cash as had all the small items having recently moved in together but wanted things like a dining table etc.

90% of guests gave cash or vouchers (wish we has stipulated where for vouchers too as has about £300 worth but for 3 different places.

With no gift list we ended up with 2 toasters, two sets of the same glasses and another set of different glasses, 3 vases, two sets of photo frames and a his and hers matching watches. There are many other things I would have chosen instead so I wish we had done a small argos gift list and asked for vouchers or cash.