To want to be married?

[TinyCucumber]

Hi everyone.
When I met my other half he used to tell everybody I was “the kind of lady you put a ring on” and he was absolutely adamant he wanted to marry me.... but he never asked me. I used to tell him I want to get married etc, he would just say he does too.
About 5 years after we met we had a child. He still didn’t ask me. I told him again, but nothing.
He wanted another baby so I agreed, but when it didn’t happen I decided not to continue trying because I wanted to be married... still, he never asked. I told him I wanted to be married and he just keeps saying that he does too. I ask why he doesn’t ask me and he said he doesn’t know, he’s never found the opportunity (lol).

I said do you want me to ask you?! He said no, he will ask me.

Anyway, he still hasn’t asked me. Am I just to accept to never being married? I gave up my career and life to be a SAHM and (yes, stupidly) still haven’t been asked to be married!

I know this is my fault, we are happy together... but am I being unreasonable to be losing my mind about not being married? It’s embarrassing at this point.

Why don’t you just start a conversation about booking the wedding. Don’t wait to be asked, just go straight to the, ok shall we set a date?! See what happens.

It doesn't sound like he especially wants to marry you. Talk is cheap but he hasn't demonstrated anything with his actions.

Have a sit down and just say I want to get married let’s pick a date?

Agree with pp, choose a day, suggest combining summer holiday with honeymoon.

Yep just do it OP. He's had too many chances! If he says an outright no then you have a problem, but it's silly to just keep hanging about like this.

This will sound harsh, especially as plenty will be song with advice on how to persuade The thing is, he’s got absolutely no reason to marry you. He has all he wants, you’ve thrown in all the cards. You’ve got two choices really a)stay and be unmarried (and dangerously exposed with no job) or b)leave

He has had no reason not to ask you and you rolled over and had children anyway. Why does he need to ask you now? You should have sorted this before the children.

Give him a choice of a couple of dates. ‘ I’m thinking May or July for our wedding, do you have any preference?’.

Lippy I like your gung-honess, but that approach is going to crash terribly if he says “neither thanks”.

What TSS said. Can't believe how many people fall for this shit. If you want to be married, you make it a dealbreaker. NO kids first (you use two forms of contraception each and every time), don't move in with them so they get the marital set up without the commitment, and no giving up work to enable the other person to live just as they did before.

Ridiculous the way people totally make themselves vulnerable and then don't marry because 'he' doesn't ask, they want a big white wedding and 'can't afford it', etc etc.

He has no reason to marry you. He won't ask. If he hasn't by now, he won't. He has it all his way and you've given up all your power. That ship has sailed. So you either continue on as now or get yourself financially stable and leave.

TSSDNCOP I thought it may be worth a try if nothing has worked before.

Book a date, he either turns up or he doesn't.

OP, he doesn't want to marry you. If he did he would have done it already. Sorry to be blunt.

I have seen it over and over again in real life and ridiculously frequent on here.

I myself was like your husband.

If this was a dealbreaker for you surely you would have walked away before committing to a child and having no own finances?

Now, you have everything to gain and he has everything to lose should marriage go wrong and maybe he realises that.

Nothing ventured Lippy. But she’s going to need Plan B.

Tears or a tantrum perhaps?

Have a conversation with him

Indicate this is a deal breaker for you

Follow through. Take your time to plan this but set yourself a firm deadline and go through with it.

Observer his response

Live your best life. You are so worth it.

Book a date, he either turns up or he doesn't.

You both have to go to the registry and apply to marry, you can't just 'book a date' without the other party's being present. They have to prove their identity, their ability to be married and give their consent. If you're having a religious wedding, the officiator has to meet both of you and you make your intentions clear, you can't have just one person turning up and saying, 'I'd like you to marry me to X in your church/mosque/temple, etc.'

You could ask if you wanted it so much?

“The kind of lady you put a ring on” is pretty twisted, to be honest. The idea there is a certain type of woman you ‘put’ a ring on implies there is some subset of women who aren’t worthy of men. As for the terminology....put a ring on has no undertones of consent, or even permission. In that context that ring sounds like branding. There is no partnership in that phrase, and very little respect.

Tell him you want to start dating other people so you can find a man who's marriage material.

Why does he have to be the one to ask?

"DP, we've both agreed that we want to get married, it's important to me and I would like to get it sorted now. I'm not bothered about a proposal, so let's go and look at rings this weekend."

It’s a leap year, propose to him?

If he turns you down, hear him out on why.

If the children have his surname and he doesn’t want to get married, change their names so you have the same surname. He can’t have it every which way.

Really hope you still work full time and have made no work and other financial compromises that your DP hasn’t made.