Should it cost me to attend a child's birthday party?

[sleepyfarm]

NC.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not to think this mum is a CF.

DC was invited to a classmates 5th birthday party at a jump trampoline place. WhatsApp message to whole class inviting and giving time location etc. Another message received a few days before party saying 'if you have the socks already bring them if not you can purchase them there'. As I've been to one of these parties before I know the socks are usually included in the party but I didn't think too much about it.

Turns out she has paid entry for all of the attendees (30+) but not for the socks or entry fee for parents. So she hasn't booked it as a party. When another parent enquired about food she said that we would all be going to McDonald's around the corner after the jumping. I'm going to presume she is paying for the meals but who knows.

So when I attend I will have to buy the socks, pay entry, and no doubt spend a fortune on drinks as she hasn't got any jugs put on like they do for parties. Then have to traipse round to McDonald's after.

Am I being unreasonable to think that she is being cheap, and rude? She hasn't made this clear to other parents that this will be happening. It will cost each parent at least £10, some more as there are siblings invited.

My DH doesn't think it's a big deal which is why I'm asking here. I just feel it's a big no no to do this. FWIW she is not struggling for money in the slightest.

What @BarbaraofSeville said, this has not been thought through at all!

Ridiculous amount of children as well!

I think you're assuming about the mcds. I don't think she would be inviting everyone there it's just not sensible AND she hasn't mentioned it at all in the WhatsApp group. (If I'm right?) if so, please don't embarrass yourself and presumably tag along and wait for her to buy your kids lunch

Children drink way more than one bottle of water at trampoline parks, they get very hot! Our local trampoline park does refill bottles from the tap and they don't charge for adults watching.

I would check if you have to pay for the McD's because it does sound like you will.

Oh, just to add that there will be disclaimers to sign (or there is round here, and one adult can only sign for a certain number of children so you'd need multiple adults for a whole class party). I'd check on that bit tbh. She may have filled in the waiver online ahead of time.

This strikes me as one of these things that life is too short to give a shit about. If you can't afford it, don't go, like any event. If you can, then it's a small enough amount that I wouldn't waste any time being disgruntled about. A fiver or whatever for my daughter to have a fun day out with friends isn't something I would begrudge personally (and yes, I know some people can't afford that, but that's always the case with anything).

Ask on the WhatsApp group if anyone has spare jump socks. There will be enough people who've been before/older siblings/forgot the socks, that there will be plenty of spares about.
Then drop and run, enjoy the hour to yourself with a book, and collect after McDs.

Go and try to enjoy yourself. You might meet some nice parents and have a nice afternoon yourself. Is there some other reason that this whole thing is bothering you? Do you not like having to go along to these things for other reasons of your own...
I suspect the parent will pay for the McDonalds too. I suspect it is that parents first kid - she will learn to curb her generosity.

Sounds fairly routine to me - the party rooms at these places get booked months in advance so they are often full of other parties who then get a few jugs of drink and push off elsewhere for food. Or get large bowls of chips and crisps there and then cut the cake (no outside food allowed to be eaten, so that then incentives the kids to meet their parents and leave so they can eat the cake).

Though for 5yos I'd ask if parents need to stay or if they have enough family members to cover.

I’ve never invited the whole class even at 5!

She could have invited less children and got the party package.

The food at some of these places is quite good. Better than Mac Donald’s. I can’t imagine 30 families turning up at MacDonalds on a Saturday , it’ll be chaos and they’ll be nowhere to sit.

I think yanbu. At 4/5 lots of parents would want to stay, you shouldn’t have to pay for socks or drinks. You’ll probably end up paying for the McDonalds and you’ll have bought a present.

She should have invited fewer children. You wouldn’t invite people to your wedding and then tell them to pay for their starters, would you?

I think shes unreasonable. It shouldn't cost an invited child anything to attend a party especially as they are buying a present.

Been to several jump parties. One the mum paid everyone in and it was just dropping kids off (they were 7/8) so easier - the mum paid for socks and drinks for the kids

There’s no way I’d leave my 5 year old at a trampolining place.

I think this is more an issue of poor organisation than a case of cheeky fuckery. If she hasn't explicitly stated what's happening about food on the WhatsApp group then some parents may be expecting to drop and run, assuming that the kids will be fed at the trampoline place. But OP has been told separately that they will be going to McDonald's after and this is a short drive away (if I've understood you correctly, OP?) so presumably parents will have to stay as birthday mum won't be able to drive them all! Parents may also have other commitments that day and unless they've been told they won't have factored in the additional time the trip to mcd's will take after the activity is over.

I think if you're going to do one of these "parties" that isn't really an organised party as such then you just need to make sure you're really clear and upfront in your communication at the point of invitation. Will there be food and drink provided? Is there an expectation that Parents stay and supervise their child? Will there be any costs for Parents on the day? Etc etc. That way parents can make an informed decision whether to accept or not based on their circumstances. But springing stuff on people once they've accepted isn't ok.

Sounds like a bit of a crap party for the the birthday child too. No cake, balloons etc in the place (presumably, I can’t imagine the trampoline park being delighted if a parent who hasn’t paid for a party took over the cafe or wherever as if they had) and then all dotted around a McDonalds. Not much chance to be the centre of attention.

OP I bet she isn’t paying for the McDonalds either

I think you are being a CF normally at a trampoline party I wouldn’t imagine it being a whole class party!!! So she has done well to invite the whole class never mind expecting her to pay for socks for your child and drinks for you both and food at the trampoline place. I assume she is paying for food at McDonalds but if not it wouldn’t be much better just to go along with it either way and not make a show.
DD now 15 invited 9 friends round for a movie day/evening the other week her idea but she asked us. Mid morning on the day 4 CF’s announced they couldn’t come unless we could give them a lift to our house. So to keep DD happy we obliged. Then the same two CF’s announced they couldn’t get home unless we also gave them a lift home. So again we also obliged. Yet if my DD was going to so ones house I would be expecting to give her a lift there and back if dark. So not only did we provide lunch and dinner and house we also provided transport.

You're being a CF and tight . If you don't want to pay... don't go.

My DH doesn't think it's a big deal which is why I'm asking here.
Yeah, it's not a big deal

I just feel it's a big no no to do this.
A big no - to pay entry for 30 kids? Sounds generous to me.

FWIW she is not struggling for money in the slightest.
Firstly - how would you know? Secondly - so what?
What did you expect - that she would pay for adult fees as well? Should she pay your petrol money to get there too?

There is clearly a certain amount of variety in trampolining places though - the ones we've visited have made you pay for their special socks, not charged for adults watching (and tbf who would leave their dc somewhere there is higher than usual risk of injury, especially aged 4-5) and also allowed own food to be brought in (for dc with allergies/intolerances) and consumed with the others eating their supplied party food (which was OK in quality and certainly not worse than MacDonalds).

I have paid for the special socks - they have their own design in lurid colours, so you can't use the ones from other trampolining places - even though DS goes to trampolining classes with proper registered coaches and competition standard trampolines and they do not insist on any particular socks, just ordinary socks will do. So I would glean from that that the mandatory sock use is simply a money-making exercise rather than an insurance requirement. Which isn't surprising, they are a business looking to make money.

They also make the dc watch a safety video beforehand, I hope the four and five year olds going to this party are prepared to sit and pay attention to it and comply with the safety rules as set out in the video. Personally I wouldn't do a trampolining party for this age group, but if all parents are happy that their dc will pay close attention and then will stick to those rules 100%, then all will be hunky dory. Plus, unless hostess has booked for exclusive use - which she hasn't because she hasn't even booked a party per se - there will other, larger kids who will be shooting around and the risk of collisions involving the smaller children will be higher.

Gosh, I'm so cynical, sorry

What the deal with the socks? Why are special dicks needed?

I'm normally happy to drop and run if I know the party family and my DC are happy with that ... however I think these trampolining places can be dangerous for 4/5 year olds, e.g. if they are mucking about, attempting things they shouldn't, getting in the way of big kids ... so I definitely wouldn't be happy leaving my 4/5 year old along with 30-odd others to be watched by 1 parent. So in that sense, at least some of the parents probably will need to stay. Having said that, I wouldn't really mind paying the £3 ...

PS I'd also like to know why special dicks are needed

Your child has been invited on a lovely day out and what is more, they have paid. I would not begrudge £3 for me to accompany, or the socks that you get to keep. Makes sense, otherwise she won't know how many socks to buy.
If you aren't impressed don't go.

Why are special dicks needed

I always wondered what happened at the adult only sessions in the evening.

What the deal with the socks? Why are special dicks needed?

Yes why?

@TheNoodlesIncident - you are right about the socks. It's a money making scam. Mine trampoline too, have BG insurance and wear their normal everyday socks. Not even slipper socks. The only time there is a difference is if the children are doing Double Mini Trampoline, when they wear a type of slip on shoe.

It sounds like the mum has worked out a cheaper way to get her child the birthday celebration she wants, and tbh the only issue I would have is the lack of clear communication - eg 'Florence is celebrating her birthday by going to bounce, you are welcome to join us and afterwards at Macdonalds. If you don't already have X company socks they are ££ a pair' makes it a little clearer it's a pay your own way event.

I wouldn't expect her to pay for parents because by the time they start school, at least round here, most parents drop and run. Even at venue parties, so me paying to watch my kids and for a couple of drinks would be no biggie.

I wouldn't book it as a party either as their food is ridiculously expensive for a poor nuggets and chips type meal. A maccy's would go down better and either be cheaper or the same price.

Why are special dicks needed?

Special dicks may not be needed but they are appreciated. Not at a kids party though