Should it cost me to attend a child's birthday party?

[sleepyfarm]

NC.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not to think this mum is a CF.

DC was invited to a classmates 5th birthday party at a jump trampoline place. WhatsApp message to whole class inviting and giving time location etc. Another message received a few days before party saying 'if you have the socks already bring them if not you can purchase them there'. As I've been to one of these parties before I know the socks are usually included in the party but I didn't think too much about it.

Turns out she has paid entry for all of the attendees (30+) but not for the socks or entry fee for parents. So she hasn't booked it as a party. When another parent enquired about food she said that we would all be going to McDonald's around the corner after the jumping. I'm going to presume she is paying for the meals but who knows.

So when I attend I will have to buy the socks, pay entry, and no doubt spend a fortune on drinks as she hasn't got any jugs put on like they do for parties. Then have to traipse round to McDonald's after.

Am I being unreasonable to think that she is being cheap, and rude? She hasn't made this clear to other parents that this will be happening. It will cost each parent at least £10, some more as there are siblings invited.

My DH doesn't think it's a big deal which is why I'm asking here. I just feel it's a big no no to do this. FWIW she is not struggling for money in the slightest.

£3 is not the end of the world if you choose to stay though. If you really can't afford it then deduct it off the amount you would spend on the present, or get your child to make a card instead of buying.

'rude' Give over OP

At first I thought you were being tight and ungrateful but tbh if you have to buy socks (£2) and pay for your entry (£3) and a gift (£5/£10) I think you are right. You will be out of pocket £10/15 which isnt fair. To take your own kid there and for a Macds and pay yourself would cost pretty much the same so you arent gaining much!

You are not being unreasonable. When you invite people as guests, you are expected to actually host them unless otherwise clearly stated from the get-go. It's fine to ask guests to provide for themselves, but not after they have already accepted the invitation. Seems a bit manipulative to me.

Plus going to MacDs with 30 other 5 year olds ... no thanks. She would have been better staying put and paying to have food there. Wonder why she didnt? Entry fee plus a MacDs each surely wouldnt have cost much less than a party per head

It's not that I'm quibbling over £3. It's not just £3 though is it? It's the socks, entry, drinks and probably the McDonald's. It's being dressed up as a party but will probably cost me more to attend than what she's paid for my child. It's a 40 minute drive away from where we all live and then the McDonald's is about 1 like drive away. It's a tiny McDonald's too, it's a drive through.

I KNOW I don't have to go, and of course I'm grateful to have DC invited. I just know as a party host I like to take care of everything and would feel very tight not too. I would definitely have picked a different venue or taken less children.

Party is this afternoon! I'll let you all know how it pans out.

Tbh the most CF thing I've heard on this thread is trampoline places not only requiring you to have special socks but to have their own brand of special socks. That is pure CF-ery!

Drinks? You take your child's water bottle the same as you would for any other active activity surely?

I would feel really awkward having a party where parents had to pay for themselves or for an essential item for the kids activity (special socks). I think if doing mcds after it should be completely clear whether kids meals are provided or not (eg 'we will be going to mcds after and if anyone wants to get food there too do feel free to join us' vs 'I will get happy meals for the kids after'.) The only person I've known to invite us with the need for us to pay had extremely good reasons for it, was incredibly apologetic and only tentatively invited a few people she knew really well with no pressure to attend. Whole class party without paying for it properly and especially without making it really clear what is included is not ok. Although I can see the dilemma at this age - I'd much prefer to have a smaller party but find it really hard to work out who are my child's specific friends as they seem to play with loads of different children in the class. Plus I'd worry that their specific friends at time of organising wouldn't still be the right group of friends by party time. So I cough up for basic village hall whole class party but if I couldn't afford it I would do a family outing instead.

So she's got 30 kids plus parents all turning up at McDonald's at the same time and nothing is preordered 😬😬

Yes the fee as an accompanying adult is £3.

I think that's the cheekiest thing of all. As children are not going to go on their own, it's a CF way of increasing the price per child by £3 (or £6 if both parents go) but without publicising it. It's also very foolish on their part, as a bored parent there to supervise their child who is having all the fun is very likely to want to buy drinks and/or snacks. I'd expect an accompanying adult would likely spend more than £3 on refreshments for themselves during a session, so the place can still make money from the adults but without holding their hands out and demanding it before they're even allowed in.

It's annoying enough at the theatre, when they have 'family' performances (i.e. things that only pre-schoolers will have the slightest interest in) and parents have to pay for a ticket as well - sometimes more than the child's ticket price. Yes, the child is occupying a seat that, in theory, could have been occupied by another child; but if you put on a show aimed squarely at tiny children, you cannot possibly expect more than half (maybe two-thirds at a real push) of the seats to be used by 3yo children with no adults accompanying them.

Bowling alleys used to be the same (but a lot of them have changed now), charging you for shoe hire. Now, they often just let you use your own shoes anyway, unless you're foolish enough to turn up in stilettoes, clearly demonstrating that it was a money-making scheme all along.

I've no problem with optional add-ons - it makes good business sense to offer them - but if you're forced to buy/pay for something extra to access a service, it should be included in the headline price.

I think it's OK.
If it's £3 to watch, that's a choice really.
The socks you get to keep.

The only thing I'm not so keen on is not providing any refreshments/drinks but maybe there will be vending machines or the opportunity to buy drinks, or maybe you can take fruit juice or water with you.

It's not compulsory to accept the invitation.

She's been clear on what is included and what has not.

She is being generous in offering to pay for the tampolining for your child. That's not being a CF.

It's now your choice to decide whether to accept that generosity or gracefully decline rather than act ungratefully.

If you can't additional afford the cost then it's not her responsibility to pay for them.

The party is a treat not an entitlement.

YANBU to be miffed at this, a party includes food and parents don't have to stay. It's organised and the children are safe, and fed. This is just a meet up, yes she's paying entry for the children but I doubt the trampoline place would allow you to drop a 5 year old off unaccompanied - let alone 1 or 2 adults to 30 ish kids - that doesn't seem very safe.

YABU about parents bringing siblings 'to watch' though, we all know that doesn't happen and that party parent ends up footing the bill for all the uninvited siblings.

In your case I probably wouldn't go, at least she's giving you the option of backing out now by giving you the full details. I'd still buy the child a present and drop it off though. It seems like more and more people are doing this recently, I think it's rude and quite risky when parents assume that they can drop off and go (as is usual in a party situation) but realistically there is no supervision.

I think she’s a CF

Just pay for a bloody party which includes the food and socks ffs

I think it's tight- you host/ you pay.
I dont expect to pay for food at a kids party, regardless of the activity.
Also I wouldnt leave a 4/5 year old unaccompanied in such a public location, no way could the hosting parent keep track of everyone.
YANBU imo

Spectators are free.
And it's only fair that you buy the socks as you keep them.

It's also brilliant fun!

OP if you don't want to go then don't go. No need for all the angst.Of course she isn't being a CF, she has been upfront about what she is paying (a £10 entry for each child). If you aren't happy with that, don't go! This mum is paying out £300+ so all the kids can have fun playing together - sounds like a lot of fun to me. I would never expect a parent to pay entry for ME, just my child. She maybe didn't realise until now that the CF tramp place are charging for adults, that is an absolute joke!

She is being generous in offering to pay for the tampolining for your child how is that generous, its a birthday party invite?

YABU. You’re presuming they’ll be no drinks and food but you don’t actually know, she may well buy some jugs of juice and pay for the mcds afterwards. I think you’re the CF to expect her to pay for you to go in.

Anyway the 30+ parents should just dump the kids and leave her to it, the silly mare

Why do the parents have to go in? Why can't you go away and do something else for an hour? Surely all the parents don't stay.

Yabu. And tbh griping over £3 and some drinks makes you sound cheap.

So she's got 30 kids plus parents all turning up at McDonald's at the same time and nothing is preordered

I don't think that will cause any big problems, really - it's not like a normal restaurant, where the food is cooked and presented to order from a large menu, just a production line with an extremely limited range of things that are intensively 'quickened' or poured in one minute and then slapped on a tray.

She hasn't mentioned McDonald's on the WhatsApp group though. When another parent asked about food she told them that's what was happening. So majority of parents don't know!!