Should it cost me to attend a child's birthday party?

[sleepyfarm]

NC.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not to think this mum is a CF.

DC was invited to a classmates 5th birthday party at a jump trampoline place. WhatsApp message to whole class inviting and giving time location etc. Another message received a few days before party saying 'if you have the socks already bring them if not you can purchase them there'. As I've been to one of these parties before I know the socks are usually included in the party but I didn't think too much about it.

Turns out she has paid entry for all of the attendees (30+) but not for the socks or entry fee for parents. So she hasn't booked it as a party. When another parent enquired about food she said that we would all be going to McDonald's around the corner after the jumping. I'm going to presume she is paying for the meals but who knows.

So when I attend I will have to buy the socks, pay entry, and no doubt spend a fortune on drinks as she hasn't got any jugs put on like they do for parties. Then have to traipse round to McDonald's after.

Am I being unreasonable to think that she is being cheap, and rude? She hasn't made this clear to other parents that this will be happening. It will cost each parent at least £10, some more as there are siblings invited.

My DH doesn't think it's a big deal which is why I'm asking here. I just feel it's a big no no to do this. FWIW she is not struggling for money in the slightest.

At all the trampoline parks near us (and there are a lot - we live in a big city) you don't have to pay to go in and watch. She's obviously paid over £300 for this party. I'm pretty sure you don't have to pay unless you actually want to jump yourself.

Why do the parents have to go in? I assume as its not an official party there will be no way of determining who the 30 kids all are, they will be mixed in with the general public. The kids are 4/5 years old. I sure as hell wouldnt leave mine under such circumstances.

I agree OP, hosts should include everything needed and ensure parents can stay whist children are too young to be left unattended. It shouldn’t cost people to attend an invite.

She is being generous in offering to pay for the tampolining for your child

That's generous if it's a play date. It's not generous if it's as birthday party. It's standard. Host pays.
I'd pay up for the adult entry and socks . ..but I'd be a bit miffed.
If you're also expected to pay for the food, I'd be silently fuming.

If it's £3 to watch, that's a choice really.

Is it, though? Would you normally expect to drop your 5yo off and leave them as one of 30 kids under the supervision of the birthday child's parent(s)? In a huge place open to the public, not even a small enclosed church hall or community centre?

I don't see the problem tbh, she has paid for the kids and let everyone know what they will need to pay for (socks etc).

Perhaps her child wanted to go to McDonalds for their party?!

I don't think that will cause any big problems, really - it's not like a normal restaurant, where the food is cooked and presented to order from a large menu

Seriously? Imagine what the scrum in front of the counter and round all the ordering screens will be like with 30+ families in front of you waiting to be served. If I was faced with that, I'd walk out and go somewhere else or do without.

And it's not like there's going to be room for everyone to sit together, so not really a party, just a trip to McDonalds where you happen to know some of the other customers.

You never know as well, she may have invited family along to help manage the kids so parents don't need to watch.

I must be really out of touch. I honestly cannot imagine having the brass neck to have a party for my kids that parents had to pay towards for their kids to attend. How is it that this is deemed ok? I just don’t get it. If you can’t afford to do a proper trampoline party for 30 then invite fewer people or pick a cheaper party option. There are plenty of options these days!

I suspect I’m just old and out of touch though as other things that I think that are in total CF territory such as making bridesmaids pay for their own dresses are a thing now.

Could you send a whatsapp message along the lines of "Macds will get a shock us all turning up PartyMum ! Did you need us to let you know what our DCs want so you can pre-order?" should let you know if she's paying or not!

Maybe she isn't assuming you'll stay? At a party I'd just be dropping off the child (and buying the socks wouldn't bother me) and then collecting from McD's when the "fun" is all over.

I suspect I’m just old and out of touch clearly im old and out of touch to then.
I was always brought up: you host/ you pay- and you dont expect a gift and you dont tell people what you want.
Nowadays people (from kids birthdays to hen parties to 40ths) choose the most expensive, inconvenient activity, charge you to attend and then request cash

If I was taking my daughter to a party I wouldn't expect to turn up and have to pay anything, if that was expected of me I would expect full disclosure on the invite of what costs were expected of me.
I would then have to seriously consider with the cost of the present involved too whether I would want to pay for this.
I'm not sure I would.

So from reading the thread the only thing you have to pay for is the socks which you get to keep.
You don't have to go in, you don't have to buy drinks ( water bottle?) and you don't have to buy McD.

It's an unusual set up but the parent has been clear what is covered. YABU

If you don’t go in, will she buy the kids some drinks?

I would have invited less children and paid for a party package. I'd expect to have squash and party food to be honest, even if it's just crisps and cake.

Eek I skip the McDonald’s bit and just leave at the end of trampolining.

I skip the McDonald’s bit I second this bit, doubt theres going to be a cake to hang round for.

Frankly, I'm not convinced that a trampoline place is the best option for a party for 5yos, when they're still at the stage where you invite the whole class.

I don't know the physics behind it (if true), but I've read that children under 6 shouldn't really use actual proper trampolines designed for all ages, as their bone structure supposedly isn't developed enough to deal with the stress of the bouncing on their bodies.

Whether that's true or not, I'd personally think it a better choice for a 7 or 8yo with their closest 6-8 friends - that's just me, though.

It sounds fine to me! I think you are making a big deal out of nothing. Surely after she’s spent 300 pounds on entry parents aren’t going to be upset at 3 pounds entry. How much are the socks?

OP said it was a drive through McDonald’s

seems like the jump place is trying to make a few extra quid-they shouldnt charge to watch thats ridiculous and if im right as its not aparty you cant just leave them

OP said it was a drive through McDonald’s

Aren’t almost all McDonald’s out of high streets drive through? That doesn’t mean there isn’t a restaurant area to sit in or perhaps the party host just plans to buy all the children a happy meal and they can eat them in their own parents’ cars. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Seriously? Imagine what the scrum in front of the counter and round all the ordering screens will be like with 30+ families in front of you waiting to be served.

But that's the whole point of McDonalds - it's highly efficient and quick. The quality and taste of the food.... well, that's debatable. Even small ones will often have at least two people serving and then another 4+ order screens. It's a finely honed operation designed to serve as many people as they can in as little time possible.

If you were at a specialist retailer, where you would expect to be advised and assisted through a complicated purchase by a sales agent, you wouldn't wait if there were 2 or 3 people ahead of you to see each agent. However, sitting in Argos, knowing that yours will be the 12th order to be brought out from the back, who would care?

It sounds like you’re assuming quite a bit. You don’t know if there’ll be drinks or food. In the past I haven’t done the “party deal” at these places because the food is dire and you only got an hour so it worked out better to do it myself.
I just feel like you are being a bit aggy. Your child gets to go trampolining with her friends for a minimal cost. The idea isn’t that you are in profit after a party. Why not go in a positive mindset rather than in the sort of mindset that will lead you to crab every decision she’s made. She’s going to be significantly out of pocket after this party so her child can have an amazing day so maybe just suck it up and smile