Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get married midweek in term time

219 replies

Frazzmatazz · 17/02/2020 14:47

NC for this. I have a 10 year old DC, and have been engaged to my partner for just over a year. We have been looking at wedding venues for a few months and have found the one we want, it's perfect, special, and important to both of us.

We are on a strict budget - that's considerably higher than I would have wanted but DP has a larger family and social circle than I do so we have compromised. DP wanted to get married on a weekend but has agreed it makes sense to do it midweek for cost savings, rather than reduce the guest list any further than we already have.

The date we are looking at is early in the first week in September next year - we can't find any info on whether DC will be back at school or not by then. I've tried to work it out from previous term dates but they're not particularly consistent - sometimes the school goes back on a Weds, sometimes a Thurs, sometimes the first week in Sept, sometimes the second....

So do we book it and run the risk that our DC (and guests DCs) might have to take a day off school if the schools go back on the 1st Sept (unheard of in my experience, but it could happen) or find an extra ludicrous amount of money to do it on the weekend or in July/August? Venue is fully booked for most of the rest of the year, and other venues we have found and loved are also quite full. July/Aug have a little availability left as they're the most expensive months to get married in! (I've nicknamed this the Weather Tax....)

We don't have many friends with children who it would/could inconvenience, I'm confident DC would be fine with missing a day of school to be at his parents wedding, and I've been through the venues entire years availability as they correspond with the school holiday dates and there's literally nothing else (Around £8k difference between Weds 1st Sept and Sat 4th, it's a huge difference when we are also saving for a house. I earn £20k a year, DP earns a bit more but we can't justify dropping an extra eight grand on anything, it feels obscene!)

Would appreciate any advice on this, as obviously I've never planned a wedding before and I can't move forward with anything else until we have this hurdle tackled, and it's quite stressful!

Would you take your DC out of school for a day to attend a very close friends wedding if they booked it not knowing the school term dates beforehand, or would you think we were inconsiderate for taking the risk?

Be gentle with me, I'm finding this incredibly difficult to make a decision on!

OP posts:
SkelingtonArgument · 17/02/2020 14:49

Term dates will have been fixed, check the school’s website or the Local Education Authority

noblegiraffe · 17/02/2020 14:51

From googling, schools are putting Wed 1st Sept as first day back.

noblegiraffe · 17/02/2020 14:52

Just google your local authority term dates 2021/22. They’ll be up.

Liverbird77 · 17/02/2020 14:53

Former teacher here. I would be surprised if children were expected in on Sep 1st.
Apart from in one private school, I've never worked in a school where inset was held in August. The first two days back are usually inset for staff only.

Abraid2 · 17/02/2020 14:53

I wouldn't have wanted to take my children out in the first days of a new academic year. I think it would make them a bit unsettled and the teachers would not like it when they're trying to bed new classes/sets in.

doodleygirl · 17/02/2020 14:53

I would and have taken DC out of school for a wedding (more than one actually) dont see the problem.

SamBee1 · 17/02/2020 14:53

It's inconvenient, and some people may not be able to attend (including some of your closer friends and family). But if you fully explain that you accept that some people will not be able to come then that's fine. This is about your big day.

I think if the absolute priority is to celebrate with ALL your close friends and family, I think you'll be disappointed. But if this is entirely about you having your dream day, this is your dream venue, and this is the only way you can afford it, then fine! I've taken time off during the week (and travelled to ruddy Hexham), but would no longer necessarily be able or willing to do it.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/02/2020 14:54

It wouldn't be one day it would be two. Can you pick a cheaper venue?
You can nearly guarantee DC are back the first Monday of September. It may be a waste booking the place you love if lots of guests can't attend. You know your guests best.
What about mid week during the break or the October midterm if family members are teacher's too.

Trahira · 17/02/2020 14:56

I'd be surprised if they go back on 1 Sept. I'd take the risk, and do an apologetic "oh no I thought it was the holidays when we booked it" if there turns out to be a clash.

EuroMillionsWinner · 17/02/2020 14:56

As long as you completely understand that some people cannot or won't take a day off for your wedding.

EmeraldShamrock · 17/02/2020 14:56

If Wednesday is the first they may not be back until the Monday.

Windyone · 17/02/2020 14:58

As long as you are prepared that guests may not want to use up annual leave and take children out of school then it’s fine.

Original poster
Frazzmatazz · 17/02/2020 14:59

This is one of the cheaper venues we have looked at, it's not ridiculous by any standards. I've looked at term dates for our LA and they don't go that far in advance, hence the headache.

During the break adds around £8k too, the difference in price between August and September is eye watering... Family members don't have any young DC, they're all late teens, so are most of our close friends children. Apart from DC10, there would be maybe three children affected if they had to take a day off school, and all of them are v close friends children. Honestly having such a headache over this - there's nothing in April holidays, nothing in June, and DP doesn't want to risk the weather in October...

OP posts:
blindmansbluff · 17/02/2020 14:59

Just checked our council website, mine go back Tuesday 1st September

Gazelda · 17/02/2020 15:00

If he's 10 now, will he be going into Year 7 next September? If he is, then I think you'd be unwise to risk it.
If he's going into Year6, then I think it's a risk worth taking.

Original poster
Frazzmatazz · 17/02/2020 15:01

"As long as you completely understand that some people cannot or won't take a day off for your wedding." - I do understand this, I wouldn't expect anyone to unduly inconvenience themselves; I'm not demanding at all. Just trying to balance a lot of balls in the air here

OP posts:
Crunchymum · 17/02/2020 15:01

We got our term dates for 20/21 but they only go up to last day of term 2021.

I think you just need to look at the dates you have and see what is what

So for example we break up on 23rd July 2021 so the full 6 weeks holiday puts them at returning on Monday 6th Sept 2021.

(we break up 17th July 2020 and go back earlier too... Thurs 3rd Sept 2020)

Original poster
Frazzmatazz · 17/02/2020 15:01

@Gazelda he'll be going into Y6, not Y7. If it was his first couple of days at secondary school there's no way in hell I'd think about it.

OP posts:
bigchris · 17/02/2020 15:02

It's not just that though is it ?

People willmshe to take time off work

Is it just a lunch thing ?

No one wants to be up late on a Wednesday with work and school the next day

If people are traveling they might need to stay over and then have to take the next day off

Midweek weddings are a pain in the arse

If you go for it you'd have to accept it might just be close family who attend

Gazelda · 17/02/2020 15:02

Have you tried calling his school to see if they have the dates but not yet published them?

SoloMummy · 17/02/2020 15:02

Ours only published their inset days for the year 2020-2021 week before half term!

I'd work from basis that 1st Sept most school have inset days.

Whether they would take their children out on the first day of term if not an inset day really depends on their relationship to you and how they believe that would impact on their child. As obviously they could attend school and come in the evening still.

For a sibling/close relative I'd do it. For a friend I wouldn't.

Purpleartichoke · 17/02/2020 15:03

We had our wedding during the week while schools were in session. None of our must-have guests had any conflict with that date and we were having a small wedding anyway.

I wouldn’t want my child to miss the first days of school. I would be shocked if the calendar is not already fixed. Just call his school and ask.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/02/2020 15:04

I wouldn't take my DS out of school for a wedding. I don't take him out of school for holidays or anything either.

In my area (Derbyshire) though the DC never go back on the 1st, it's usually around the 4th or 5th so we'd be OK.

GreenTulips · 17/02/2020 15:04

Ours go back 8th September Wednesday 2021

If that helps

Original poster
Frazzmatazz · 17/02/2020 15:04

'I'd be surprised if they go back on 1 Sept. I'd take the risk, and do an apologetic "oh no I thought it was the holidays when we booked it" if there turns out to be a clash.' - this is kind of where I'm at, but I don't want our friends and family to think I'm inconsiderate when I've been losing sleep over this i'm so stressed by trying to do the right thing.

OP posts: