to get married midweek in term time

[Frazzmatazz]

NC for this. I have a 10 year old DC, and have been engaged to my partner for just over a year. We have been looking at wedding venues for a few months and have found the one we want, it's perfect, special, and important to both of us.

We are on a strict budget - that's considerably higher than I would have wanted but DP has a larger family and social circle than I do so we have compromised. DP wanted to get married on a weekend but has agreed it makes sense to do it midweek for cost savings, rather than reduce the guest list any further than we already have.

The date we are looking at is early in the first week in September next year - we can't find any info on whether DC will be back at school or not by then. I've tried to work it out from previous term dates but they're not particularly consistent - sometimes the school goes back on a Weds, sometimes a Thurs, sometimes the first week in Sept, sometimes the second....

So do we book it and run the risk that our DC (and guests DCs) might have to take a day off school if the schools go back on the 1st Sept (unheard of in my experience, but it could happen) or find an extra ludicrous amount of money to do it on the weekend or in July/August? Venue is fully booked for most of the rest of the year, and other venues we have found and loved are also quite full. July/Aug have a little availability left as they're the most expensive months to get married in! (I've nicknamed this the Weather Tax....)

We don't have many friends with children who it would/could inconvenience, I'm confident DC would be fine with missing a day of school to be at his parents wedding, and I've been through the venues entire years availability as they correspond with the school holiday dates and there's literally nothing else (Around £8k difference between Weds 1st Sept and Sat 4th, it's a huge difference when we are also saving for a house. I earn £20k a year, DP earns a bit more but we can't justify dropping an extra eight grand on anything, it feels obscene!)

Would appreciate any advice on this, as obviously I've never planned a wedding before and I can't move forward with anything else until we have this hurdle tackled, and it's quite stressful!

Would you take your DC out of school for a day to attend a very close friends wedding if they booked it not knowing the school term dates beforehand, or would you think we were inconsiderate for taking the risk?

Be gentle with me, I'm finding this incredibly difficult to make a decision on!

Also we got married in November and had a beautiful day. Our friend got married in June and it rained. I don't think we can predict the weather in this country so easily these days

There is nowhere local to the majority of guests - everywhere is going to be inconvenient for some people. I can't explain without being potentially outing but our closest friends and family are in Manchester, Bedford, Lancaster, Leeds, Edinburgh, Ireland, London and other places. We do generally travel to see people a lot, and they travel to see us a lot. We're all just a bit dispersed in general

Well, in that case, a midweek wedding is going to be a massive pain in the arse for the whole lot of them. Why are you only worrying about school, when most of your guests will be looking at using up 3 days of annual leave, just so you can have the venue you prefer?

I am sure 90% of your guests (at least) would prefer a Saturday wedding at a registry office, and a reception in a village hall or trip to the pub afterwards, than your perfect venue in the middle of the working week. Do you really want to spend the day knowing that you have inconvenienced everyone there?

I cross posted with where you said the majority of your guests don't work Monday-Friday - that's quite unusual and changes things in my opinion as in that case providing you give plenty of notice a midweek wedding may not be as much of an issue.

If the cold is a problem though, are you really sure you want a barn? Every barn wedding I've been to has been notably cold, even in the middle of summer

do it!! its one day that is 99.99% likely to be in the hols anyway!!

I wouldn’t take my child out of school for a term time wedding. And although I Would consider a mid week wedding, I would be very reluctant to be missing potentially 3 days of work. We got married in the winter, partly due to the cheaper prices, with the idea of having everything indoors. As it happened, it was a beautiful sunny winter day, so all the photos were outside. Plus - that was the year of the summer floods, so if we had chosen a summer wedding it would have been awful weather!

You will find it's a lot cheaper to marry mid week rather than Saturdays even in school holidays.

I married in October and the weather was lovely.

How about in the Christmas holidays, before Christmas? December is a lovely time to get married.

Is a Friday a possibility? People will stay later because there’s still a weekend. I had a relative who married at the end of October. The weather and the autumn colours were delightful.

Our school goes back the second working day, the first one is always an inset day.

But, several schools in our borough now changed holiday to have two weeks in October and shorten the Summer one to 5 weeks, meaning they are back the last week in August, academies are allowed to do so.

You say your family has older teens, don't you invite them? They will have issues coming to a mid-week wedding.

Also, if you don't invite children, people may not be able to come if it means no one can collect children from school/childcare and then babysit. Or people don't want to leave a teen from 4pm onward alone. I wouldn't have been able to do this as we had no family around.

Midweek is a bitch, even our Friday wedding was difficult but we had only 30 guests and it was part of a long weekend anyway, so people used it for a short break.

I would reconsider and think hard if a venue is worth all of this.

If most guests would be able to book a day off for your wedding, and it will be before term starts, then go for it.

But, instead of asking us, ask your main guests.

I'd a hundred percent do it. You're only going to get married once. If people can't come then oh well (and would save a bit on your budget!) . I don't think it would be the end of the world your son misses one day. If he had explosive diarrhoea on the first day back you wouldn't send him in and it wouldn't affect his long term education. So don't get caught up on him missing a day!

@maxelly
I cross posted with where you said the majority of your guests don't work Monday-Friday - that's quite unusual and changes things in my opinion as in that case providing you give plenty of notice a midweek wedding may not be as much of an issue.

That was a very late addition. Funny as you'd have thought it would be very relevant and worth mentioning upfront...

I don't think the term vs not term is as relevant as the fact that it is a weekday.

The term or not only affects a small handful of your guests, those with young children and those that work for a school.

On that issue my personal feeling is that I would happily attend if it was local and therefore we only missed one day of school. We would be leaving early though so that DC was in bed ready for school the next day.

The weekday thing is more relevant as it affects a much larger proportion of guests. They are going to have to use at least one day of Annual leave, more likely two.

My brother is getting married on a Wednesday and I have booked the two days off. I am happy to do so and I have absolutely no hard feelings or resentment about it. However if it were a cousin or a more anything but a best friend, I would be less likely to attend. I would probably drop in for a couple of hours in the evening if anything. I am a single parent with limited leave and 3 children's school holidays and events to cover.

There is nowhere local to the majority of guests - everywhere is going to be inconvenient for some people. I can't explain without being potentially outing but our closest friends and family are in Manchester, Bedford, Lancaster, Leeds, Edinburgh, Ireland, London and other places.

Tight, so people will be travelling miles to get to you then. Imagine doing that for Wednesday?

How many days off work do you envisage all of these people having to take, just to get to your wedding?! At least at the weekend, you can go up on a Friday night and go home on a Sunday morning.

My friend’s sister got married last September on a Wednesday. My friend had to go on her own as her DH had no annual leave left. She drove at the crack of dawn as she couldn’t afford a hotel, took one day holiday and then left at 8pm so she could drive home again ready for work. She didn’t enjoy it at all and hardly anyone actually went for this reason. Most people will have just taken time off work holidays as well.

Mid week weddings are like destination weddings, IMO. Cheaper for the bride and groom but an expensive pain in the arse for all the guests.

@Frazzmatazz I’m wedding planning right now too... 13 weeks to go and it’s been insane!

My only qualm with your plan will be that you’ll likely end up having people drop out... which is fine if they let you know in plenty of time but might mean that you overpay based on how many you said there would be, and how many you actually have. And for us, three people that we never would have thought would drop out have, two for child related reasons despite us checking with everyone beforehand.

My opinion based on recent experience would be to have it on a date that suits you but also makes life easier for your guests, and this doesn’t sound like the one. But we were keen that our friends with kids could come - if they’d been less important people to us; we probably wouldn’t have minded so much!

Have you priced up October half term? That would solve the school issue and any potential teachers. You'll still have the issue of many people needing to book annual leave for the day. Plus I think it wont be as enjoyable as most wilk need to work the next day so will be clock watching.

The guests might not tell you it’s annoying, but I can promise you that no one other than your close family are going to be happy about a midweek wedding. If they work that’s a minimum of if not two days of AL that they would need to take, if they have small children they could be using that leave on an actual holiday/ childcare over half terms. If they don’t work, it’s human nature to not feel like going to a “party/ celebration” mid week. The whole thing will feel a bit flat. If you don’t care about your guests go ahead I would say. Otherwise reconsider a slightly cheaper venue maybe? Or at least a Friday?

This came up on an opinions show. The consensus was that weekday weddings are shit...sorry! Everyone's thinking about work the next day. Even shift workers and people who work weekends still have shifts in the week.

It's more likely than not an inset day. But depending on the age of the dc, not many would miss the first day of school or want their kids worn out for it either. If nearest and dearest can make the date book it.

YANBU you can have your wedding anytime you like , however with the saving may come considerable dropouts for a midweek wedding, even VIP guests like bridesmaids and best men, I'd check with core people you really don't want to miss your big day before booking or just book and roll with whoever can make it. Whatever you do don't guilt trip or pressure people to attend, its a big ask for people to book midweek holidays, my 4 weeks of annual leave is precious. Xxx

Good luck OP I know this is all very stressful, our money saving compromise was to have the wedding last weekend of March (the October weekend compromise someone mentioned might be a good one), it was mild weather but the lighting was great so got some nice piccies, spent most of the time inside anyway. X

I'd be surprised if they were back 1st September, if anything it'll be an inset day. I think that's irrelevant anyway as I would take a primary school child out of school for the day for my own wedding. Just be prepped for some friends children not attending the ceremony if school is back. Perhaps they'll just join after school is out.

Go for it! It's not like half of the people who you invited have kids in school. I won't pay 8K more just to have a weekend wedding. Most weddings I've been were during the week and there wasn't a problem from either side. I am guessing you'll have close friends and family and not invited people you haven't seen/talked in years, I am sure they will be happy to take a day/ two off to be there for your special day ( except maybe few who won't be able to come).
I don't see weekday weddings as an inconvenience and I would be surprised for school to start on the 1st.
There are many other things to stress about, this one is not one of it in my opinion..so just go for it. People will have enough time planning and being prepared for "the" date.
Oh...and congratulations

Lots of people assuming that the majority of guests work Monday - Friday jobs.

OP best advice I can give you is to speak to the people who are most important to you, and see what they think.

Can't imagine that many children go back on 1st Sept. If you have teacher friends they may find it more difficult to attend. But the financial saving does sound like a big plus.

First day of a new school year is always an INSET day, so you can pretty much guarantee 1st September, if the first day of term, is an INSET day.

I'd go for it. It's not going to hurt for your child to miss a day or two off school especially right at the beginning. I prefer weekday weddings as I work Saturday and it's hard to get time off that day.
Obviously some people might not be able to come but that could happen in a weekend. If the only thing holding you back is worrying about if your son will back at school then I'd book it and hope he won't be.