Husband still not home

[PebbleStone22]

DH went to friends house for dinner. I was invited, but stayed home with DS.

Left at 3pm, said he'd be home for 7ish. 9pm came and still not home. I messaged him and he said he'd be 1-2 hours.

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok, he was totally dismissive, "I'm still at friends house" and basically hung up.

I feel so annoyed and disrespected. I am his wife, surely I get to know when to expect him home.

Aibu?

Has he got a key?

He does.

Go to bed

Then why not go to bed?

My DH was out this evening and I txt him to say I’d come and get him if he wanted a lift home but if not then I was off to bed. I’d just make sure to not have the latch on and leave him to it.

He's having a good time, leave him to it.

Lock up as usual and go to bed.
If he has a key he can let himself in when he gets back.

Just go to bed

Just go to bed, He’s having a good time and lost track of time. You know where he is, he’s not disrespecting you!

Sorry but you're being a c.f.

In what way? Expecting to know when he's home? I have to say when I read that I did cringe

I am genuinely open to being told I'm being unreasonable here...

Is it really that controlling to think that DH should at least message if he's going to be home 6+ hours than he originally said?

YABU. You know where he is.
It would totally ruin my night to have DP texting and calling to ask when I’ll be home.

I'd go to bed. He's not wandering the streets or at risk in any way and he'll be able to let himself in.

Unhinged is a bit of an exaggeration, but thanks for your input .

You're right, I wouldn't like to be checked up on, however I also would be in touch if I was going to be much longer than I said. It feels like common decency to me, and stops the other person being worried.

I am with you. If ex h told me he would be home at a certain time I would expect him to be home around the certain time. I would definitely be concerned and then upset/worried after 6+ hours. I would also be a bit pissed off.

Pissed off at him making me worry with no contact. It’s the least he could do after staying later. The staying later isn’t necessarily the issue, it’s the no contact, no updates. It’s just ignorant not to let your other half know what’s going on.

Dh texts me when he's leaving the party/event. So I know roughly when he'll be back, and don't start worrying he's in a ditch somewhere. I do the same for him. Just common courtesy and saves you worrying like you are.

You've hit the nail on the head for me, pp. I couldn't care less if he stayed out all night, just let me know you're safe. Maybe I worry too much.

I don't think it's 'unhinged' to be irritated that your DP says he's coming home, and then 6 hours later to still be waiting.

Honestly the more I read on here the more I realise no matter what advice you seek you'll be told 'grow up' or 'YABVU' no matter how reasonable you're being.

Your DP has probably had a couple of drinks and is enjoying himself, try and get some sleep and tell him in the morning it was annoying to leave you alone all night and point out he probably wouldn't like it if it was the other way around, but you know he's safe so try not to get worked up about it.

If I were you, I’d not worry. He might drink too much and stay over.
Best thing to do is go to bed. He will come home... most likely no harm done

He's not even drinking, he's driving

I think I've come to the conclusion he is an arse, but I know he is ok. He will be home. I will tell him how I'd appreciate if he just let me know in the future if he's going to be so much later than he originally said.

If I'd given a time and was going to be later, then I don't think it is unreasonable to let your partner know but after the text saying a couple more hours I would have left it at that. Time tends to run away with you when you are out/with friends.

Yes, you're right. Thank you

I don’t know why someone’s called you unhinged

If DH said he would be home at x time I expect him home at that time
If he then called back and said actually I dunno what time I’ll be in. That would be fine

But to just not show up and not mention it, is rude I think.