Husband still not home

[PebbleStone22]

DH went to friends house for dinner. I was invited, but stayed home with DS.

Left at 3pm, said he'd be home for 7ish. 9pm came and still not home. I messaged him and he said he'd be 1-2 hours.

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok, he was totally dismissive, "I'm still at friends house" and basically hung up.

I feel so annoyed and disrespected. I am his wife, surely I get to know when to expect him home.

Aibu?

I’d be annoyed too. Yes it’s annoyingly to receive texts asking when you’ll be back but he could have easily avoided this by texting to say I’m having a great time I’ll be back later, don’t wait up. Common decency.

He is rude and disrespectful.
It takes seconds to text you and tell you that he is going to be later than planned.

I'd be really pissed off if DP kept disturbing me with texts giving me a revised ETA every couple of hours.

On the rare occasions he goes out on his own, I chill, then go to bed and sleep.

@LakieLady

I'd be really pissed off if DP kept disturbing me with texts giving me a revised ETA every couple of hours.

WOW! Doesn't take much to piss YOU off does it?!

You'd be really pissed off if your DP sent you a text every TWO HOURS to keep you posted on when he's be back!

Wacky!

The logical explanation for me would be that they were playing a game - video game, board game, whatever. I've played games and lost hours before I even nrealised

When I was in my late teens/early 20s, I was friends with a crowd who were mad on playing bridge. We once played for 18 hours, stopping only to eat and drink.

It's very easy to get carried away when you're engrossed in something.

Someone probably got the monopoly out .......tbh if he wasn't even drinking and you knew where he was I don't get what the drama was over. He isn't a child with a set bedtime.

@Shinycat - I'm a monster if I'm woken before time, and have dreadful trouble getting back to sleep.

And I'm of the opinion that if anything dreadful has happened, the police will come and tell me or the hospital will ring, and don't worry about accidents etc.

I think he ventured over to disrespectful behaviour when he said he'd be 1-2 hour and then hung up, then showed up at 3 am, 12 hours after he left. You have every right to ring if you feel concerned.

YADNBU
Hope he apologises to u today

Ok so we can now add bridge to the list of (previously one one, which was computer gaming) list or perfectly understandable reasons why a married man who is sober as a judge is 8 hours late home after an evening out. 😂

He is taking the piss, I would not be happy with this at all!

I can't believe all these people who apparently just wouldn't mind if their partner did this. I'm with you op. He was rude as hell and taking the bloody piss. Common decency dictates that he should have let you know when he'd be home and if he was going to be late then he should have let you know. No way I'd be able to sleep if my DP was out and I had no idea what time he'd be home. Half the people on this post are talking utter nonsense. I do not for a second believe that they'd be ok with it. I haven't RTFT but I hope he came home and apologised for being a dick.

Why don’t you trust him? My first husband was untrustworthy so, I’d have been “wondering”, like you. My now (2nd) husband would NEVER give me cause to doubt him so, I’d be concerned but happy to be in bed and wait for his return.

@user1490607838 You're ace!! Your comment really brightened up this post!!

@WhereShallWeMoveTo: if we'd all been sober, it probably wouldn't have taken 18 hours!

Mind you, in the flat we shared, we had a game of Risk that went on for months (started as something to do during the 3-day week power cuts and went on well into the spring/early summer).

I think we were excessively competitive, and probably obsessive, too.

I'm with you OP. It annoys the hell out of me too. Surely it is just common courtesy to let your spouse know if you're going to be much later than you know they expected? Is it really so difficult to drop them a quick text?

Glad he's home safe and sound.

I think it totally depends on the dynamic of your relationship.

If you both accept that each of you can go out until any time you choose (like others on here have said) with no communication expected, because you're all adults etc, then that's fine. You've agreed the acceptable parameters in your relationship, and it's equal.

If however (and I suspect it's the case here and possibly more MNetters on this thread), it's the DH out without consideration, whilst the DW stays at home looking after the kids, and the DW doesn't get to go out until all hours like the DH, then it's double standards.

I agree with @user1490607838 post. @PebbleStone22 if you feel that you behaved similarly to your DH, what would his reaction be? What would he expect from you? Would he expect you back as agreed? Communication if that changed? Would he be OK if you were dismissive of him if he called you, worried?

TL:DR In a partnership each person should be treated equally or resentment kicks in.

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect your partner to do what they said they were going to do, or something close to it. Over on the dating thread that's one of the basics people are looking for in a prospective partner. Why should expectations lower once you get together? Evaluate this in the context of your relationship over all, op and think about whether this is part of an overall pattern or just a blip. Then think about what you,want and whether he's the person able to deliver it.

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras

Because he originally said he would be home by 7pm. Now, we all know that alcohol impairs our judgement and I have accepted on occasion that when DH goes out to the pub and will "be back soon" two turns to three which turns into a session - fine, it happens, I wouldn't like it being a regular occurrence but there you go.

To go out and be eight hours late home to a wife and baby without offering any explanation, contacting them to say why and not being pissed is actually (in my humble opinion) far far worse than being drunk. The guy is a moron.

No conversation last night. It was too late and I needed to try and sleep. DS woke up this morning at 8am and said he wanted to play. DH got up and woke me around 10am to say he understands it would have been better to tell me and that he got carried away. He's sorry.

I do trust him. My worry isn't about him cheating. I fully believe he was where he said he was.

This isn't the first time, but it's not a regular occurrence either.

He's looking after DS as we speak.

I explained that I'm his wife, not just some woman trying to keep tabs on him, that I worry when he doesn't keep me in the loop.

That's being said, I do not expect him to give me constant updates, as pp have stated.

He's been inconsiderate. He's sorry. We will move on.

But what was he doing all that time?

That’s a happy update!

You’re not being remotely unreasonable. You just don’t do this in a caring relationship. At least not in my world.

@whereshallwemoveto

All others there were drinking alcohol. It turned into a party from what I can gather.

@chuttypicks

@user1490607838 You're ace!! Your comment really brightened up this post!!

Which post? LOL. My long rambly one or the short one. ???

@LakieLady

I'm a monster if I'm woken before time, and have dreadful trouble getting back to sleep.

Could you not just put you phone on silent tho?

@PebbleStone22

Glad he's OK. And don't tolerate this shit anymore!!!