Husband still not home

[PebbleStone22]

DH went to friends house for dinner. I was invited, but stayed home with DS.

Left at 3pm, said he'd be home for 7ish. 9pm came and still not home. I messaged him and he said he'd be 1-2 hours.

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok, he was totally dismissive, "I'm still at friends house" and basically hung up.

I feel so annoyed and disrespected. I am his wife, surely I get to know when to expect him home.

Aibu?

You do not sound “unhinged” OP. He sounds rude and inconsiderate.

So he buggered off and abandoned you and the DC for pretty much all of Saturday and then stayed out most of the night as well?
I'd crack on and fire up the hoover pretty soon, I wouldn't be letting him have a lie in today as well. What other indoor noisy jobs can you think of? Then I'd get him to take the DC out this afternoon. After all it's only fair when he got yesterday to himself.

That's not on when you're a parent, unless it's been pre agreed. There's this modern concept that you share the parenting burden especially at weekends.

Dont forget the floor is lava "cushion edition" invite some mates over with the kids

I think you're both in the wrong here - him for not telling you he was going to be much later than planned but also you for repeatedly texting and calling him.

Why not, after the 1st text, just tell him you were going to bed and could he text you as he was leaving? Then you wouldn't have been sat worrying because you would have known he was at friends house

I've had late nights at friends houses when, before I've gone, I've assumed that I was going to be home early. Sometimes you just get chatting, or play games and Lise track of time. I wouldn't appreciate my DH constantly checking up on me.

Might just be me but I'd find it odd to stay at a friend's till 3am (for 12 hours) stone cold sober. Just wouldnt be something I could imagine ever happening.

Hmmm now what could he possibly be doing for 8 hours and not tell you about it?

I would be suspicious.

I agree with OP. All he needs to do is send a simple text saying I've decided to stay longer as having a good time. Don't know what time I'll be back. Job done. No expectations then and you can just go to bed but saying to someone you are going to be back at a certain time then two hours pass and they are still not home you just want some reassurance they are ok.

YANBU. It’s common decency to let your oh know you’re going to be a LOT later than anticipated. I can’t imagine being in a relationship where you don’t give a toss about them worrying about you and so don’t think to text saying you’re having a blast and will be back a lot later is everything ok at home-type message. Partic when you’ve got a D.C.

I think many who say you are ‘unhinged’ aren’t in an adult caring relationship !

If it's a one off then you've totally overreacted. When people are having a good time, time can sometimes gets away. You don't need to drink to have a good time.

Showing him up ringing him when you know where he is

Surely the point is that she didnt know where he was, the worry is presumably that he might have had an accident on the way home, he was hours after the time he said, imo it's natural to be concerned

You’re not unhinged, he’s out of order. If he was drinking I would understand it more but to be sober and staying out that late, with no contact and no explanation - no excuse.

He said he’d be home a certain time, didn’t , you’ve been texting and then he’s hung up.
I completely understand where you’re coming from. Tbh I’d be a bit annoyed if DH did the same and yes it is about basic respect. If he’d said he’d be out all night and I was texting/calling then that’s a different story!

If it's a one off then you've totally overreacted.

No, she hasn't. He was EIGHT HOURS LATE. That's taking the piss no matter how you look at it.

When people are having a good time, time can sometimes gets away.

What, eight hours of time? I don't quite think so. He knew he could stay out because she was home looking after their son. Would he have been so late if he had to get home to relieve a baby-sitter? I doubt it.

He said he'd be home at seven. He'd have known before then that he was going to be late, so why couldn't he spend two minutes texting or calling to say "I know I said I'd be home, but we're going to do X so don't wait up".

YANBU. It takes 10 seconds to send a text "sorry, running late, be back at x. Don't wait up". Common courtesy.

@Kittykat93
Might just be me but I'd find it odd to stay at a friend's till 3am (for 12 hours) stone cold sober. Just wouldnt be something I could imagine ever happening.

Not just you!
And the posters here who are trying to pretend that this is fine, are:
single; divorced; or soon to be divorced.

Don't accept this bullshit in your relationship, @PebbleStone22 .
(Or anybody else reading this.)

The posters hating on you here are trying to be the 'cool wife'. The majority of women would not be happy with this type of behaviour from their partner. Do not let him gas light you.

I could understand this more if he had been drinking really. Was he really where he said he was?

Bet hes having an affair and offering you to go was a cover as he knew u would not to. U have husband who doesnt care get rid

I find it hard to believe that you are getting called unhinged OP. Neither DH or I are controlling or jealous, but neither of us would fuck off for so long without letting the other know when we’d be home, and calling to check in if we were going to be late.

Yanbu OP it is part of being in a partnership to let your dp know when you will be home. Bizarre that he didn't just text playing xxxx, it's gonna be a late one or something like that.

Well I'm not single or divorced quite happily in a long term relationship. If my partner turned up later than he said he would be I wouldn't be panicking or kicking up a fuss.

Think some of you are snowflakes. Most of you can't stand a differing opinion, which is silly on a forum!

I was reading this at first thinking he was just having a good time and time ran away with him. We had friends round on Friday night and they didn't leave until nearly 2am - we were just having a good time and chatting.
But then I realise he's not actually drinking and that does seem a bit strange, but then maybe he was gaming, playing cards or whatever.
I don't think it's unreasonable for him to have called to say he was going to be late though, inconsiderate not to.

honest fair enough we’ve got differing opinions but it’s a bit much to say some ‘can’t stand a differing opinion’ and then to call them ‘snowflakes’ ! Mirror ?

Might just be me but I'd find it odd to stay at a friend's till 3am (for 12 hours) stone cold sober. Just wouldnt be something I could imagine ever happening.

I don't drink but when seeing friends, one in particular, I'm often there until 3am.

I'd have worried that he'd been in an accident. I worked about that sort of thing a lot when I had young children. So yep, I'd have called too.
And if he doesn't understand that you were concerned for that reason, then he's an arse.
Tell him that "Planning on staying longer, don't wait up" is all you're asking from him