Husband still not home

[PebbleStone22]

DH went to friends house for dinner. I was invited, but stayed home with DS.

Left at 3pm, said he'd be home for 7ish. 9pm came and still not home. I messaged him and he said he'd be 1-2 hours.

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok, he was totally dismissive, "I'm still at friends house" and basically hung up.

I feel so annoyed and disrespected. I am his wife, surely I get to know when to expect him home.

Aibu?

I don't see how you can tackle this OP - are you asking him to update you every hour, or suggest to you when he might be leaving (which he did do) - it's hard to know when you're done for the night - he might be watching a film or something?
I wouldn't expect an eta from my DH - but just to know that he was definitely coming home/home for dinner/to go to bed and not wait up etc.. I wouldn't expect an exact time, that's unreasonable.
YANBU to worry about him, but maybe expect him to be later than he says in future.

I've always said to the kids "You know you're safe but I dont". You dont know when to worry, all it takes is "Sorry, got chatting, going to be later than I thought. I'll text when I'm leaving"

Job done.

He is rude and disrespectful.
It takes seconds to text you and tell you that he is going to be later than planned.

There's a difference between saying you'll be back at 10 and coming in at 11 and saying you'll be back at 7 and still being out at midnight so I think YANBU

Totally fine to stay out late but not five to not let your wife know so she doesn't worry

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok

What exactly did you think was going to happen to him at a friend’s house? Why would he not be OK?

If your first instinct is 'shit, he's had an accident' then fair enough, he's been a dick by not messaging. If you've checked he's ok.

But if your first instinct is 'is he taking the piss', then he is likely just taking the piss.

This is a dependant on the bloke, situation.

I think that's poor, said hed be back at 7 and still not back at 2am?! And he's not drinking? Maybe he decided to drink so he's staying over now?

I wonder if the YABU lot would say the same if he said he would be back at midnight and was still not home at 7am. Same time difference after all.

I suspect not.

I think it's incredibly inconsiderate and rude. I would be upset. If he wants to stay, fine -- but someone is at home waiting for him and wondering what's going.

I would be super pissed off at this kind of behavior. It's common courtesy to let someone know you'll be late.

I'd be very annoyed by the dismissal and being hung up on. If he's not even drinking then he has no excuse whatsoever to be so rude.
It's common courtesy to let you know if he's coming home or not and hopefully give a timescale.

Surprised at some of the replies, you only want to make sure he's ok so you're not being unhinged/possessive etc at all.

I think he’s being inconsiderate.

That being said, when I’m with friends and a little late getting home my DH often will text and say he’s going to bed and maybe I should stay put if I’m having fun.

I appreciate that he’s laid back like that. So I suggest a combination of being cool but also setting expectations that he either be on time or text and say he’s going to be later and that you shouldn’t worry.

Of course it's not unreasonable to be worried/annoyed!

He should have had the courtesy to text or call you to let you know he was going to be later than expected. I'd be troubled if my husband didn't care enough to make sure I was alright, if I hadn't turned up two or three hours after he was expecting me (and I hadn't let him know my plans had changed).

He's being a jerk.

Still no sign...

I'd be annoyed too. If he was planning on staying this much longer than he originally said then he could just have the decency to let you know. Has he done this sort of thing before?

Unhinged Fucking Jesus! Classic mn bullshit for you there.

Of course it’s not unreasonable to ask where someone is when they are hours later than they said they’d be! I’d be pissed about the lack of communication.

Hope he’s back soon! Could he have decided to stay because of the weather?

YANBU. If he said he'd be out until late, then fair enough, but he clearly didn't. Furthermore, he was rude when you checked in with him.

Wow he is really taking the piss, it’s. 3am!!

so 12 hours, as good as, since he left?

I suspect he has decided to drink and has caught "AH! It'll be fine" fever from the beer and will turn up sometime near lunchtime, probably still over the limit, hanging out of his arse and leaving behind friends who are having a massive row about the husband staying up half the night getting wankered and leaving the wife to sort the kids in the morning.

Go to bed! You know where he is. Why are you still waiting up at 3am?! He probably had a drink so is waiting for the am to drive home.

He was due to be at home by 7pm after dinner? That's an early dinner!

Anyway, I'd not be raging at 9pm but I certainly would be by now. I don't buy the Mumsnet thing if 'he's an adult, he can do what he wants' - surely it's just courtesy to let your partner know if you're going to be 8 hours late?!

He must be drinking surely?

This is out of order!

Hope he’s back soon! Could he have decided to stay because of the weather?

More likely the vodka

So he has been gone for 12 - TWELVE - hours. While you're stuck at home with a young child. And if you had not called, presumably you'd have not heard from him.

He is incredibly rude and inconsiderate. And he is telling you where you are on his lust of priorities.

@FenellaMaxwell don’t know about you but the weather is shocking here. If my DH was driving home in this I’d want to know he got in safely

LIST !!!!