Husband still not home

[PebbleStone22]

DH went to friends house for dinner. I was invited, but stayed home with DS.

Left at 3pm, said he'd be home for 7ish. 9pm came and still not home. I messaged him and he said he'd be 1-2 hours.

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok, he was totally dismissive, "I'm still at friends house" and basically hung up.

I feel so annoyed and disrespected. I am his wife, surely I get to know when to expect him home.

Aibu?

If you love someone you worry about whether they have had an accident driving home.

He's disrespectful and it is not at all unreasonable to expect a text if he's going to be late.

Bit silly to say he'd be home so early after dinner - but he did so he should have stuck to that or let you know when his plans changed.

The massive over reaction in some of these comments indicates that they are single males and/or have never been in a loving relationship.

I've noticed it before, there are some very strange people who come on MN in the small hours of the morning. Of course being out 5 hours longer than you said you would without bothering to let your wife know what is going on is really inconsiderate, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with OP phoning him.

honesttogod you wouldn’t be panicking or kicking up a fuss if your partner was 8 HOURS late? Wow.

Op at the very least he’s been massively inconsiderate and rude to you. I suspect there’s more to this though. Sorry.

I think that you are not being unreasonable.
All he needed to do was to say ‘having a great time. I’m staying late, don’t wait up’.

you wouldn’t be panicking or kicking up a fuss if your partner was 8 HOURS late? Wow

But she'd text and called him during that time so she knew that he was ok.

I would have text when he didn't come home at 7, just to check that all was ok but then would have just asked for a text as he was leaving, no expectations for him to be in by a certain time and no recriminations because that's how I expect to be treated in return.

I think the repeated texts and calls have made him stay out later - might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb

He's trying to have a life. Probably feels stifled.

Wow a little surprised at some of the messages on here. YANBU.

I have been in your husband's position before - I went out to a party, thought it would be alright and I'd only stay until 9pm then come home but I actually ended up having an amazing time and went to the after party - where without thinking I left my phone in my bag the whole time and missed a load of texts and calls from my husband, who's last text from me was at around 8pm. I got a taxi home at about 5am covered in glitter and when I got home, husband was waiting up for me - he'd been so worried, especially with me not texting back! At the time I was like, oh dear, I've made him upset (his worry was also mixed with annoyance at me getting glitter everywhere so I was a little confused about the main message since it's had more than a couple of drinks).

In retrospect I realise even though I meant no harm I should have been considerate, texted him when I thought I'd be home later so that he didn't have to worry. My husband isn't controlling and doesn't care if I'm home at 5am, I just need to text so he knows I'm ok. I'm a worrier too so I make an effort to text if I think I'll be home later than I said - I'd want husband to do the same.

Anyway, again, YANBU.

3am and 7pm is a huge time difference so yes of course he should have contacted you with a more accurate leaving time. Plus presumably he will not be up early this morning to do any child care so he has left that to you without any discussion.

Suprised by some of the responses here because when women post about their husbands staying out all night with no explanation more often than not they are told to LTB and they're selfish, irresponsible, probably having an affair and so on.

So not sure why this poster is getting told she's possessive and unhinged I would be totally pissed off if my dp said he'd be home by a certain time and then was 6 hours late with no explanation. It's thoughtless and requires zero effort just to keep you in the loop.

Shamelessness place marking so I can hear his reasons later! OP you must be exhausted.

I think something is amiss to be out 12hours, until gone 3am and allegedly stone cold sober?

Only on MN could you be called unhinged for expecting decency and courtesy from your dp. He is selfish and inconsiderate.

The usual pattern is that because you are so relieved that he is back safe and sound and your worry is over that you let him off the hook. Just let him know his behaviour is unacceptable and be prepared for him to attack as his best defence.

This is why I never give a time when I will be home. I'd hate if my DP gave a time and then didn't give me an update.

A quick text of 'I'm having a great time, don't know when I will be back. Don't wait up xx' wouldn't have killed him.

@honesttogod
You're right.
Everyone is entitled to his or her own low standards.
So, yes, you're entitled to yours.

I think something is amiss to be out 12hours, until gone 3am and allegedly stone cold sober?

Why? I don't drink and if I go out I'm often out that late. One friend I go to we get there for 5pm to chat before dinner, then have dinner then chat and play games. Easily there until 3am but nothing untoward going on.

I find it more odd that people are surprised you can have a good time without drinking.

Think some of you are snowflakes. Most of you can't stand a differing opinion, which is silly on a forum!

Hahaha bog off back to the Daily Mail comments.

My husband does this all the time so I just tell him to not bother coming back home and to stay at his friends house. That way I know I don't have to sit up and wait for him

Back in the real world anyone would be worried (certainly should be worried) and annoyed if a partner rocked up hours after he/she was supposed to. Unhinged is a very Mumsnet world - you’d never call anyone in real life that. Posters trying to be ‘in’ with the crowd I suppose.

Christ, OP, that's a big night out in the bank for you then!

He was a dick for not messaging you.

I mean seriously how long would “having a great time, staying longer, don’t wait up” have taken.

Can’t believe posters are accusing him of having an affair just because a man couldn’t possibly stay with a friend that late and be sober. There’s no way you’d say that to a woman. He will have been playing the PlayStation or something. Not every man is bad

You are not BU. A simple text saying he was going to be late would have taken no time at all. Being dismissive on the phone is rude and uncalled for too. 8 hours late is ridiculous.

Why didn’t you go OP?

7pm seems very early if he’s gone dinner.

I think it was a late lunch rather than dinner. To some people daytime meals are dinner.

He should have told you he would be later but once you knew where he was I don't understand sitting up all night waiting for him.