Husband still not home

[PebbleStone22]

DH went to friends house for dinner. I was invited, but stayed home with DS.

Left at 3pm, said he'd be home for 7ish. 9pm came and still not home. I messaged him and he said he'd be 1-2 hours.

Midnight came and still no sign. I phoned to make sure he was ok, he was totally dismissive, "I'm still at friends house" and basically hung up.

I feel so annoyed and disrespected. I am his wife, surely I get to know when to expect him home.

Aibu?

And he's back. Thank you all.

And....

What @puds11 said....

He's not came upstairs yet. He drove home, so no drink.

@PebbleStone22 what's his excuse?

Is this a one off?

I don’t think it’s that bad if he was at a friends different If out at a bar / club

Must have been some cracking conversation to stay 12hrs, without a drink as well

Next time you go out, you know that you can go 'out out'! Because when someone says they'll be gone for 4 hours to your husband that means 12 hours.

As long as he is happy to look after 'your' son (plural, both of you are parents) for the 12 hours you are out, fine.

(Although it is actually not fine, it is really rude and very childish!)

Oh I knew there was another word used way too much on here and there it is .. Unhinged.

The pps on here telling you that you are 'unhinged' etc., are largely single men who have no clue what a true partnership involves.
That's why they're single.
The others just have pathetically low standards.

YANBU for wanting a respectful partner.
He should let you know that he's safe, if he's not home when he said he would be.

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Are you 100% sure he didn’t drink and drive? This sounds a VERY odd thing to happen with someone who was totally sober. A couple of hours late maybe, but 3am when he went out at 3pm?

If he was sober, the only thing I can imagine is that there he has something serious on his mind and he has been confiding in the friend and talking it over into the early hours. Or he actually left hours earlier and wasn’t where he said he was.

Why didn’t you go with him? It wasn’t the sort of thing where you’d need a babysitter, so that can’t be it. Was he annoyed that you didn’t go? Is the friend a single guy, or a couple? A single woman and he sat with her for hours after other guests had left?

Why do you think this might have happened? Because as someone who has witnessed lots of marriages go through through their various ups and downs, I can tell you categorically that it’s not normal for a happily married, totally sober married man to go to friends for Sunday lunch/dinner at 3pm and not appear home until 3am. Something else is afoot here.

People love jumping to conclusions here.

He wasn't drinking so there must have been a single woman he was chatting to. What a bizarre suggestion.

They probably ended up playing FIFA or something.

Glad he's home OP. You're right though, I'd have expected a text just to say "I'm still at X's, not sure what time I'll be home but I've got my keys"

You're not unhinged or a cheeky fucker for being annoyed with your husband for being 5hrs late home OP! All your DH had to do was pick up the phone and tell you he was having a good time so would be staying longer and not to wait up. Him not doing so was very rude and disrespectful.

Yep, he's a twat

I know he’s home op but 7pm was never guy got to be realistic if he was out for an evening meal. I don’t think quick text would have been unreasonable.

Going to not guy got too.

I’m not jumping to any conclusions about single women, GiveHerHell I’m just exploring VARIOUS possible scenarios that might explain why he was gone so long and virtually hung up on the OP when she asked him why he was so late.

If it were my husband I’d be looking for a logical explanation, wouldn’t you? And I can tell you that there is no logical or obvious explanation for a sober married man with a young child to stay at a friends house until 3am when he was only invited for the afternoon and early evening.

If it wasn’t booze perhaps it was drugs. Whatever it was, it wasn’t a very long chat about football or politics.

@WhereShallWeMoveTo you're assuming the worst in every one of your suggestions.

The logical explanation for me would be that they were playing a game - video game, board game, whatever. I've played games and lost hours before I even realised.

He was eight hours late home?

He's taking the piss, quite frankly. Nothing wrong with coming home at 3am but not when it means you're that late and you have so little respect for your partner that you don't tell them and just let them worry

I'm glad he's home OP but EIGHT HOURS late is massively taking the piss!!!!!
Did he suddenly lose the ability to use his phone???
He was a twat.

Why an earth do people feel the need to keep constant tabs on each other .
You say you need to know he's safe he's a grown adult at friends . Showing him up ringing him when you know where he is. TBH proberly stayed as long as he could nobody is going to race home for a blocking when they have done nothing wrong.
You are not his mum presume he doesn't have additional needs.

Yes admittedly gaming is not something I’d considered. Was he gaming OP?

If I was sat around talking, laughing and eating with friends I wouldn’t want to have to be aware of the time and have to text every hour with updates about what time I might be home. I’d hate to think someone was at home getting pissed of with me if I lost track of time. That would make me feel restricted and controlled.
He replied when you messaged him, so you knew he was okay. I don’t see the problem.

The problem in my eyes doesn’t seem to have been discussed here: you have a DS who you presumably jointly parent. DH has gone on an all nighter bender and presumably will be good for nothing on the parenting front today. So the whole thing has made OP anxious, lost her sleep, put her to the trouble of making dinner for someone who couldn’t be bothered to let her know he wouldn’t be back on time and, insult to injury, DH is going to have a nice sleep today whilst OP’s weekend childcare duties carry on regardless. Sorry OP, what a useless useless man you have there.