To have not moved out of the way for this man?

[rainbowmask]

I commute daily on trains and buses for work, I’m pretty used to the hustle and bustle of it all so can usually get through the busy train station without any problems.

Today I was walking down the stairs on the right hand side holding onto the hand rail. To clarify, as I know walking on the right is often a big no no, this was Leeds station on the main stairs which are pretty much a free for all, there are no arrows or signs asking you to walk on the left. And if you have been to Leeds station recently you’ll know that the down escalator has been out of use for about a month so the stairs are a lot busier than usual. Also to avoid drip feeding, I hold onto the hand rail as I have a chronic condition that can make me unstable (I’m mid 20’s so you wouldn’t expect it by looking at me).

Anyway, half way down the stairs I can see a man in his 40’s walking towards me and we make eye contact. I can tell that he’s wanting me to move to let him past but I don’t move. When we’re about two steps away from each other he grumbles something under his breath (didn’t’ hear what) and moves half a body’s width away, shoving me as his moves past.

Was I unreasonable for not moving out of his way?

Handrails in the right hand is the rule.

Always has been.

@TheNestedIf Yes to this. And of course you are not allowed look at your phone while walking.

From where I come from, I don't experience it just being men who do this. Only this morning 3 women came towards me chatting and only I stood my ground, I know they would have expected me to step onto the busy road.

The unwritten rules of walking on the left are arbitrary really. You need to make it obvious and vocalise why you need to hold onto a rail.

He shouldn’t have pushed you regardless of whether you were standing on the correct side.
If you don’t use trains regularly though, how would you know about the “unwritten rule” about standing on the left?
YANBU to use whichever side is best for you given your medical condition.

@BrokenWing at the point we made eye contact he was too far away for him to have heard me, especially due to how busy it is on a morning. He would have had to be within a couple of steps to hear me, at which point he had reluctantly started to move.

The last posts seem odd to me. I always thought going down gave way to those going up. That's how it's always seemed to me.

The man shoved you - he is an arsehole. You are not obliged to smile and explain yourself FFS. You were holding the handrail and he wasn't.

I've spent 20 years commuting and there is a huge problem with selfish wanker men expecting women to move around them and their egos/bollocks/sense of superiority.

I would also suggest that the one on the hand rail side also moves into towards the rail - which lets the other person know you need it and gives a touch more space - so you are both moving slightly to avoid the collision

Leeds station is dire at the moment. I had to help an older, rather unsteady lady down the stairs in rush hour the other week as the lifts weren’t working either.

I can’t understand why they don’t label all flights of stairs instead of just one set.

OP - YWNBU. He was a twat.

Walking on the right makes more sense as most people are right-handed. I need to hold rail, too, and I'm more stable holding with my dominant hand.

I play patriarchy chicken daily. It is incredible the amount of men who think that women should just step out of their way. Some of them get outraged like toddlers. It’s quite funny really.

Whatever about left or right side, he’d no business shoving you.

Ime women move out of the way, men don't.

He expected you to move because you're a woman and he's a man and his privilege and sense of entitlement led him to punish you for not treating him as more important than you.

Any convention regarding which side you walk is a red herring. If someone is obviously not going to move then you move yourself even if you think they should do. You don't then physically assault them in punishment.

Once you open your eyes to male entitlement you see it everywhere, especially in interactions like these and particularly driving.

Also I’ve noticed that when I have my heels on people are more inclined to move for me. When I’m in my flats (I’m 5’2”) people seem to see through me.

I’m happy to move for people but when I realised that I was moving EVERY time for people then that made me realise that that wasn’t right either.

"Given your condition you should have been on the left side. It's become an unwritten rule."
Never heard of this unwritten rule, but actually its cobblers as if you have a medical condition that your left side is weaker you would need to walk on the right and hold on with your stronger side.

YANBU, it’s a shame you didn’t stick your foot out and trip the prick up

Maybe he had a problem too and stuck to the rules to have right of way over arrogant arses like you!

I find these threads interesting because so many people are very adamant about something being an unwritten rule and to not adhere to it is bad manners and inconsiderate. And no deviation is allowed. No consideration of the fact that maybe where someone else is from, it's not an unwritten rule at all, so they have no idea about this rule that apparently everyone should know.

It's like the perennial shoes on shoes off debate. No understanding of the fact that actually it is not universally accepted that taking your shoes off is good manners, some people see it as very rude. And various other subjects that I've seen discussed.

What I think we probably can safely say though is that muttering to someone under your breath, or pushing them, probably isn't classed as good manners anywhere.

I don’t know why a significant number men think that women should step aside out of the way for them...like a giant parting of the Red Sea every time men have somewhere to get to.

God! we're not all like that thanks. I was bought up in a time where it was the done thing to be respectfull to ladies , and i still am:!

Call it old fashioned if you like but.....

BrokenWing at the point we made eye contact he was too far away for him to have heard me, especially due to how busy it is on a morning. He would have had to be within a couple of steps to hear me, at which point he had reluctantly started to move.

@rainbowmask Then you acknowledge he has moved for you with a simple - thank you, I need to hold on for balance. It's not hard.

What is wrong with mumsnet today? Really surprised by some of the responses here! There is no excuse whatsoever for how he behaved, even if you were on the ‘wrong’ side.

Devil’s advocate dickhead poster is very annoying too. Obviously fancies a tiff on the internet today.

What are your thoughts about those who do do this, Justaboy ? Do you notice?

We all know NAMALT, while, at the same time having to deal, day in, day out, with all those who are like this.

YABVU for not audibly calling him a 'twat' as he passed you.