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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

336 replies

Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 20:06

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

OP posts:
SorryDidISayThatOutLoud · 12/02/2020 21:24

Perhaps your friends are organising a surprise for you. If so, then you wouldn’t know about it, just like your friend doesn’t know about hers.

Baker1985 · 12/02/2020 21:25

How do you know they haven't planned a SURPRISE for you?

Rosehipbubbles · 12/02/2020 21:29

Ouch - that is really hurtful. Surely it should be one joint celebration if it is between birthday's in one friendship group. If I was the one getting the surprise I would be mortified your birthday had been pushed aside.
Are the wider friend circle not saying this too - as it's pretty thoughtless and hurtful behaviour - is there not someone other than you that can call this out for what it is? Shitty.

livefornaps · 12/02/2020 21:29

Does your friend have a husband?

ravenmum · 12/02/2020 21:31

You're annoyed because your friends have told you about someone else's surprise party, but haven't told you about your surprise party?

katkit · 12/02/2020 21:33

That is hurtful, and I hope they’ve planned you a surprise too.

74NewStreet · 12/02/2020 21:34

It is odd, op, I don’t know why so many posters are failing to understand why you’re miffed at this Confused
You’re both turning 50, but you only get a brief look-in at another group member’s celebration four weeks later?

Beansandcoffee · 12/02/2020 21:35

I bet there are two what’s app groups. You are in one and your friend is in the other. The rest of the group are in both. They are organising a surprise party for both of you.

Original poster
Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 21:35

I’ve had friends messaged me privately and say they think it’s wrong, but they are not saying anything to the girl that’s sent the original message. No she doesn’t have a husband but she has sisters and daughter who are organizing something separate to this weekend away.

OP posts:
Harmonyrays · 12/02/2020 21:36

I agree its insensitive if it were true. I think they are also doing one for you, just keeping you in the dark!

TokyoSushi · 12/02/2020 21:37

Surely nobody would be this mean, perhaps the other person is in another group with similar details about your surprise.

If they really have organised a weekend away for one person and expect you to pay while organising nothing for you, well that's awful and I would reevaluate the friendship.

They definitely know it's your 50th a couple of weeks before?

TeaAndWine · 12/02/2020 21:37

It is mean OP I agree and I'd be hurt. I would be really surprised if they haven't planned anything for you too. Surely they can't be that mean??

SalmonOfKnowledge · 12/02/2020 21:39

I get why you're a bit taken aback!

It's like HER 50th is more important than yours! And you must quietly accept that?

It is a bit odd imo.

Whatsername177 · 12/02/2020 21:39

I think your friends have been thoughtless tbh. If it makes you feel better, I had a friend who talked me out of having a hen fo for my Christmas wedding as 'December is such an expensive time for people anyway', then wanted me to pay to travel abroad for hers 6 months later. I only wanted to go for dinner and drinks. Some people are just do selfish.

Whatsername177 · 12/02/2020 21:41

Urgh. Sorry for the typos. I've not got my glasses on.

Amiable · 12/02/2020 21:41

How do you know they aren’t also organising a surprise for you?

It would after all be a surprise so kept secret from you....

Beautiful3 · 12/02/2020 21:43

That's awful and hurtful. I wouldnt go.

Sparkletastic · 12/02/2020 21:45

Just reply to latest message and say 'I've been having a think and as this is so close to my birthday too let's make it a joint celebration.' The organiser will then have to buck her ideas up and your other friends can join in and agree what a great idea you've had.

illandBored · 12/02/2020 21:45

Hey. I second the question of are you sure you don’t know about a surprise party they’re preparing for you as well ?

Novembernickname · 12/02/2020 21:46

You wouldn't know if they were organising a surprise party for you though would you? Seems a bit premature to get upset.

eddielizzard · 12/02/2020 21:46

V hurtful. I do think your friends should stick up for you. They could at least say 'hey what about Andrea?'

TroysMammy · 12/02/2020 21:47

How would you know if a surprise party hasn't already been organised for you? You won't know because it's a surprise.

EvaHarknessRose · 12/02/2020 21:49

I would flounce and not go. Your other friends are spineless

MotherOfAllNameChanges · 12/02/2020 21:53

YANBU
I hope your "friends" have organised something for you too as a surprise OP.
It doesn't sound childish. Your feelings are hurt. I get that.

Frenchw1fe · 12/02/2020 22:00

I wouldn't go because you're going to feel hurt the whole weekend.
Just make a really watertight excuse. Or as someone else suggested have a 50th birthday bash before you go away.

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