AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

[Andrea2807]

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

[Cotswolds10]

Name change, OP? I was following this and thanks for the update. Hope she feels a bit foolish now as her mean plans crumble around her.

[Mrsmac1512]

@BumbleBeee69 thanks for asking, I’m good, think the weekend away is slowly diminishing as three others have dropped out after me! So not sure what the plans are now as I was deleted out of the group x

[Technonan]

Are you sure it isn't a joint party? Maybe they are telling her they are organising one for you. It seems odd, otherwise, to do one and not the other. It's things like this that make me dislike surprise parties.

[BumbleBeee69]

how are you OP ?

[CHATTERBOXER]

i would be miffed too!

[Wanda1988]

Completely understand you feeling upset they are putting so much more emphasis on your friends birthday. I would wait and see what actually occurs on your birthday - if there is a surprise for you.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Well Mrsmac - that should put to bed the speculation about there being a surprise organised for you too, except half the posters won't see it because they haven't RTFT, or haven't spotted your namechange.

I think you've done the right thing, and I think the 2 supportive friends have too - but I don't blame the other friend for still going along, and I hope that she does say something to the mean organiser!

Glad you told your birthday friend's DD the reason you're not going was down to money though - shut down any speculation that you've done it for any other reason from the off, and if Mean Organiser tries to make out it's for any other reason, she'll just look like a spiteful dick.

Hope you can organise something nice for your 50th, with your nice friends and birthday friend - but not Mean Organiser! she can bog off.

[Eddielzzard]

Did your 2 friends who dropped out actually tell the frenemy they were dropping out because it was unequal, or did they make up an excuse?

[Mrsmac1512]

The money for my friends weekend away had to be paid this weekend to secure the cottage, no they have not booked anything for me, as two other friends have dropped out because they didn't think it was equal x

[Kolarola]

Ps. I agree with above poster - I bet they're organising something for you too, maybe surprise??

[Kolarola]

I can see why you're upset op. It's your 50th too. If I was in your group of friends I would have organised a joint get together for you both In the middle of your two birthdays. Have you organised anything for yours already? I'm just wondering if they thought they didnt need to for yours or something?!

[Paulambrown65]

I think maybe they are organising a surprise for you too, just wait until your birthday before chipping in with the money for Xs party then think again.

[Eddielzzard]

You've done very well, behaved with dignity. Celebrate your friend's birthday, and yours, possibly without this extremely mean frenemy and move on.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

That is good 😊. You’ve behaved impeccably.

[Mrsmac1512]

@Mummyoflittledragon

Yes her DD was lovely and said she understood, I didn’t want to drag her into the situation, so just said it was down to money x

[Mummyoflittledragon]

I’m glad you’ve got some nice friends. This horrible woman will hopefully be ejected from the group or at least become second tier.

Did you get any response from birthday surprise friend’s dd?

[Ogham]

I’m delighted your truer friends have shown some backbone and made a stand. I’m sure their stance has validated how you feel. It’s the organizer who is acting like a 15 year old and her bitchiness has bitten her on the arse. Not only was she dismissive of you she was also trying to sabotage your plans for later in the year.

[billy1966]

Set up a WhatsApp group with the nicer women and maybe host them at yours while the others head off.

This will show you clearly whose nice and whose not.

At 50, why would you bother your arse with those that don't care for you.

[Whynosnowyet]

Good for you op.. Too many people accept being treated shoddily by so called friends..

[Mrsmac1512]

Bit of an update, i messaged the organiser to say I wasn’t going to attend due to Money, I was then removed from the group got a message off one of my other friends this morning to say she had dropped out plus another friend, as they didn’t think it was nice they wanted us to be treated equally, which was lovely and another friend wasn’t happy either but she is still attending, I also messaged my friends ( who’s birthday it is) daughter to tell her I wasn’t going because of money as I didn’t want it being twisted as to why I had dropped out, I will tell my friend after the event I’m not going to spoil it for her xx

[EC22]

I’d be mentioning what’s happening with the original later plans that you and other birthday girl were planning. This surprise not only excludes you but ruins your original plan.
I’d have to say something or get the original plan booked ASAP
?

[FraglesRock]

But she was asked to pay the same price as everyone else, their own costs plus the birthday girl.

[Funkycats]

I am hoping they are also arranging a surprise for you!

[Kandi1969]

I’m hoping that maybe it is a joint party? They are telling your friend it is a surprise party for you - and telling you it is a surprise for your friend? And everyone else knows it’s actually for both of you??
That would be amazing - so don’t get upset yet !!

[SeansNiece]

Absolutely use the money you saved on throwing yourself a small get together for just you, other birthday girl and those who messaged u saying they thought it was wrong. If the others are happy for you to be excluded from the original plans then they'll have to be happy to be excluded from your plans.