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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

336 replies

Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 20:06

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

OP posts:
ChickLitLover · 12/02/2020 22:43

I can understand why you are hurt, I would be too. It’s weird that they’re not just doing the weekend to celebrate both birthdays, why wouldn’t they? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m not sure what I’d do though. It’s rubbish. Just make sure you do something special on your birthday.

Original poster
Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 22:43

Since when did I ever say I’m going to end my friendship with my friend who’s birthday it is, FFS I’m not that petty, I love her dearly and would not hurt her if I was such a bitch I would have moaned and told her and spoilt the surprise for her.

OP posts:
Sagradafamiliar · 12/02/2020 22:45

You've made plans for your birthday albeit for later in the year, so therefore your friend whose birthday isn't even close to yours cannot have a surprise party? Wtf?
That message acknowledges that yours will be celebrated at the same occasion anyway, only the surprise element is different.
You're being ridiculous.

outherealone · 12/02/2020 22:46

Ugh. She sounds awful. She slept with your ex behind your back while you were with him? Why are you even friends with her?!

Original poster
Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 22:46

Thanks for the advice ladies much appreciated

OP posts:
ChickLitLover · 12/02/2020 22:49

Oh, just read the post about the history with the organiser. She sounds like a bitch and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her. I wouldn’t go away on the weekend and arrange something with your friend who is also 50 instead to celebrate both your birthdays. Don’t let her spoil it for you. 🎈

Original poster
Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 22:49

How is her birthday nowhere near mine, you obviously didn’t read from the start the weekend away is 2 weeks after mine and 2 weeks before hers. We haven’t made any plans for my birthday they have now been spoilt as we to go away for a long weekend in September/October which nobody will be able to afford if they are paying out for this weekend a month or two before!

OP posts:
Hereinthemidlands · 12/02/2020 22:50

With you OP, it's just the one friend being awful, the others should call her out though ..

ChickLitLover · 12/02/2020 22:51

the others should call her out though .

Yes I agree.

ShagMeRiggins · 12/02/2020 22:59

OP you don’t need an excuse. Go and celebrate your friend

Are you close with the friend who organised this?

Sagradafamiliar · 12/02/2020 23:01

I did read it. It's not like her birthday is the day before or after yours. Your plans aren't spoilt, they were made before this came about.
I went to a surprise party on my own birthday, it's no big deal.
Do you think that everyone should have a surprise party for their birthday then otherwise it's not fair on everyone else?

ShagMeRiggins · 12/02/2020 23:03

Sorry, I RTFT but didn’t refresh thread before posting. I see you’ve posted about your relationship with the organiser.

livefornaps · 12/02/2020 23:05

I would say, go, have a great laugh. Have fun with your friend.

Keep the ex-husband-shagger at arm's length. Don't let yourself get drawn into her shit. Be cool and distant and avoid situations where you are alone. Do not confide in her ever or let your gaurd down

BoomBoomsCousin · 12/02/2020 23:24

I can totally see why you're annoyed. The organizer sounds a bit spiteful towards you.

Have you considered being pushy about the later weekend. Along the lines of :

"Just wanted to check with everyone that this isn't going to make it difficult to make the weekend after the summer that X has been talking about doing for ages. I know she'll like the thought of this, but she's been talking about the other weekend for quite a while and will be disappointed if people can't ake that because of this."

This probably only works well if X has mentioned the weekend the two of you have been talking about to at least some of the others in the group.

Bellecurves · 12/02/2020 23:29

Maybe they are organising a surprise party for you too?

PyongyangKipperbang · 12/02/2020 23:33

In a group like this either everyone gets a treat for big 0 birthdays or no one does. ITs not fair to just pick out one person. I would be hurt too.

SewItGoes · 12/02/2020 23:39

Yes, I'd be hurt by that (and suspect that most would, in the same situation).

I'm not sure whether I'd go or not, honestly, but I'd definitely stop making any effort for the idiot "friend" bitch. People like that make me sick.

lanthanum · 12/02/2020 23:46

Possibly they forgot when your birthday was, or possibly they didn't want to presume that you'd both want to share the event. (Maybe, even, they are organising a surprise for yours too, but don't want to let on.)

It's probably a bit late now, but perhaps the best thing would have been to reply to the first message saying "Oh, X and I were planning on doing something jointly, but not until later in the year." Perhaps then there would have been a chance for them to say "I'd forgotten yours is so close - I should have thought of making it a joint one. We can still do that - sorry it won't be a surprise for you now."

Original poster
Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 23:47

@BoomBoomsCousin she has Mentioned it to a couple of people and when one of the girls brought it up in the chat group it was dismissed so wasn’t mentioned again x

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 13/02/2020 00:04

People, RTFT! The fact that a message went out to the group saying "surprise weekend for X - oh yeah, and we can kind of acknowledge A's similar landmark birthday at the same time, I s'pose" strongly suggests that there isn't a separate celebration in the pipeline for OP.

I think the rest of the group are a bit shit for complaining to you about the unfairness of it but not actually confronting the ex-husband-shagging organiser...

Nanny0gg · 13/02/2020 00:09

I don't get why the other friends haven't called Organiser Friend out on her unkind behaviour.

SpokeTooSoon · 13/02/2020 00:10

I’m amazed the voting on this is 50:50.

How can people not see the offence? It’s so clear. I would be incredibly hurt by this.

I honestly think some posters pretend YABU because they enjoying putting people down.

firsttimemomx · 13/02/2020 00:12

Right after a few read throughs I understand now - they're putting more effort in for this other friend and not for the OP. I really hope they're planning something nice for you aswell as it's really not fair on you

WitchQueenofDarkness · 13/02/2020 00:12

How do you know there isn't a surprise for you being planned? That's the nature of surprise. You won't know until it happens ( or not)

Freddiefox · 13/02/2020 00:25

I don't get why the other friends haven't called Organiser Friend out on her unkind behaviour.

Bet she’s the queen bee, I bet all the others are in awe of her and are too scared to cross her as they have seen their fate

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