AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

[Andrea2807]

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

Fair enough Mrsmac1512 (have you name-changed???), I thought it was worth asking. In that case, they are being horrible and you shouldn't go, much less pay for it!

I think this would be the normal reaction of a decent person @DeRigueurMortis

Op just for clarity, ring your nice friend and ask her if there is a surprise for you.. she would be in on that surprise.

I wouldn’t put it past nasty friend to quickly try to organise something so she can cover her true colours.

@Freddiefox if I ring her then I will ruin the surprise for her, which is the last thing i would ever do to her

@reginafelangee

@Yorkshiretolondon

I think the key here could be the word 'suprise'. How do you know they aren't organising a surprise party for you too? It wouldn't be a surprise if they told you.

YANBU.

Its a bit thoughtless... why can't you have a joint party half way between?

Haven’t read full thread but I’ve had something similar done to me where I was excluded (we are 3 friends since primary school). I was extremely hurt by friend A for excluding me but even more hurt that friend B (who couldn’t understand why A excluded me) wasn’t saying anything about it to A. I prefer people with a back bone and a bit loyalty.

Organize party for yourself. Suggest to friend you have it two weeks later and share the party. Be enthusiastic and have fun planning it together. Surprise party will then have to surface by itself or she'll end up with two...

Have only read first page of responses. I would be really hurt too😟, don’t need friends like this whether you’re 15, or 50. Hope you have a lovely birthday with people who love you.

Absolutely use the money you saved on throwing yourself a small get together for just you, other birthday girl and those who messaged u saying they thought it was wrong. If the others are happy for you to be excluded from the original plans then they'll have to be happy to be excluded from your plans.

I’m hoping that maybe it is a joint party? They are telling your friend it is a surprise party for you - and telling you it is a surprise for your friend? And everyone else knows it’s actually for both of you??
That would be amazing - so don’t get upset yet !!

I am hoping they are also arranging a surprise for you!

But she was asked to pay the same price as everyone else, their own costs plus the birthday girl.

I’d be mentioning what’s happening with the original later plans that you and other birthday girl were planning. This surprise not only excludes you but ruins your original plan.
I’d have to say something or get the original plan booked ASAP
?

Bit of an update, i messaged the organiser to say I wasn’t going to attend due to Money, I was then removed from the group got a message off one of my other friends this morning to say she had dropped out plus another friend, as they didn’t think it was nice they wanted us to be treated equally, which was lovely and another friend wasn’t happy either but she is still attending, I also messaged my friends ( who’s birthday it is) daughter to tell her I wasn’t going because of money as I didn’t want it being twisted as to why I had dropped out, I will tell my friend after the event I’m not going to spoil it for her xx

Good for you op.. Too many people accept being treated shoddily by so called friends..

Set up a WhatsApp group with the nicer women and maybe host them at yours while the others head off.

This will show you clearly whose nice and whose not.

At 50, why would you bother your arse with those that don't care for you.

I’m delighted your truer friends have shown some backbone and made a stand. I’m sure their stance has validated how you feel. It’s the organizer who is acting like a 15 year old and her bitchiness has bitten her on the arse. Not only was she dismissive of you she was also trying to sabotage your plans for later in the year.

I’m glad you’ve got some nice friends. This horrible woman will hopefully be ejected from the group or at least become second tier.

Did you get any response from birthday surprise friend’s dd?

@Mummyoflittledragon

Yes her DD was lovely and said she understood, I didn’t want to drag her into the situation, so just said it was down to money x

That is good 😊. You’ve behaved impeccably.

You've done very well, behaved with dignity. Celebrate your friend's birthday, and yours, possibly without this extremely mean frenemy and move on.

I think maybe they are organising a surprise for you too, just wait until your birthday before chipping in with the money for Xs party then think again.