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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

336 replies

Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 20:06

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/02/2020 20:47

They should have organised as a joint 50th.yanbu

Bluntness100 · 12/02/2020 20:48

You're going to end friendships you've had since primary school. you're now fifty, for no other reason than you're jealous you're not getting a surprise party?

Confused
AlexaAmbidextra · 12/02/2020 20:49

I can see why you’d be hurt OP. I would be too. The organiser could easily have organised a joint celebration for you both. I’d find it very difficult to attend with good grace if I were you.

justasking111 · 12/02/2020 20:49

I would keep quiet in case you are an honoured guest.

wheretonow123 · 12/02/2020 20:50

I agree that it is a shitty thing to do.

I have seen this happen before - an event for one person getting much more attention than for another person - it's often one other peson hat is the instigator and others just go alon with it.

izzywizzygood · 12/02/2020 20:51

That's lovely your friends are organizing a bash for you. You have some decent friends. Have fun! :)

CakeandCustard28 · 12/02/2020 20:51

It’s a crap thing to do, but I think ending your friendships you’ve had for decades over a party is something you’d end up regretting down the line.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 12/02/2020 20:55

if her family are in the middle of it then is it them driving it?

if its a gang of your mates - did you not think to say "Me and X had started to plan us going away later on after the summer holidays?"

ListeningQuietly · 12/02/2020 20:56

I've got several 60th Birthday parties to go this year
all of the hosts will be going to the other parties
its one of the joys of staying in touch with University friends

WestCountryLady · 12/02/2020 20:58

I think the key thing is that your friends are organising a party for your friend not that YOU are organising a party for your friend so you haven't organised her birthday but are under the expectations people should have organised something for you.
Maybe they are making an effort for her as she makes an effort for others as you said she will be so annoyed it wasn't a joint party... she sounds like a nice person and her friends have organised a nice surprise for her birthday which you didn't, just a thought, I could have it all wrong!

momtoboys · 12/02/2020 20:58

I have never understood grown women being so precious about birthdays.

momtoboys · 12/02/2020 20:59

What does the holiday have to do with it? I'm very confused.

FraglesRock · 12/02/2020 21:02

That is crappy behaviour. They can't say it's joint if the other birthday girl isn't paying out, and you're covering her share, she doesn't know about it and you do.

Poor behaviour from your friends.

Thinkingabout1t · 12/02/2020 21:06

Your friends sound very insensitive here. But i wonder if they’re planning a surprise for you as well? Of course they wouldn’t tell you. Why not invite them all to uour place on your birthday?

Original poster
Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 21:07

I wasn’t organising anything as we had talked about us all going away later on in the year! She is going away with her family and her sisters are in our group of friends, so they would be coming away with us anyway. I would never begrudge my friend anything as she is so lovely and that’s why we have been friends for so long, she is only working part time now and we have friends that are single parents who can’t afford to take their kids away never mind pay out for two trips. I wouldn’t put that financial pressure on them. So All I’m saying is would others not feel hurt

OP posts:
Nannewnannew · 12/02/2020 21:09

I can understand you feeling upset, please ignore the scathing comments, people can be hurtful and insensitive. I’m sorry you are feeling left out and let down.
Hope you have a great 50th birthday despite your so called ‘friends’ .

Warmfirechocolate · 12/02/2020 21:11

I’d set up your own celebration OP and invite them all along.

Loli2 · 12/02/2020 21:12

I say organise your own party the couple of weeks before, you can't let it go by uncelebrated particularly if it isn't being touted as a joint party....although are you really sure your family aren't organising a surprise..?

BillHadersNewWife · 12/02/2020 21:12

People on here are weird! Of course you're reasonable to be upset OP! I mean...what makes this other woman so special and you nothing?

I'd honestly be very pissed off. They could have done a joint party between both big birthdays couldn't they?

Loli2 · 12/02/2020 21:13

Wouldn't be concerned about their finances either, that's not really your problem. It's actually pretty silly of them not to make it a joint party if they're so strapped for cash

wineandroses1 · 12/02/2020 21:16

Op why don’t you contact your friend and suggest arranging a joint 50th? If those arranging the surprise party are annoyed about that, well they can suck it up as they chose to ignore your birthday.

DingDongDenny · 12/02/2020 21:19

That would really piss me off OP, because it sounds as if you and your friend were intending to make a joint plan to go away, as a birthday celebration, where you would have more say in choosing the holiday you wanted. Now you've been effectively cut out and you can't even talk to your friend about it

I don't know what you can do about it though

1forsorrow · 12/02/2020 21:21

Presumably she doesn't know they've arranged a surprise party. Maybe they've arranged one for you and you don'tknow.

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/02/2020 21:22

That's lovely your friends are organizing a bash for you. You have some decent friends. Have fun! smile

What are you talking about? They aren’t. That’s the whole point.

Blutterflies · 12/02/2020 21:22

Haven’t RTFT but they might be organising you one too. It is a surprise???!