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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

336 replies

Andrea2807 · 12/02/2020 20:06

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

OP posts:
Mrsmac1512 · 14/02/2020 18:56

Sending all you lovely ladies Flowers for valentines thank you so much for all your responses I didn’t expect so many xxx

billybear · 14/02/2020 18:57

just a though perhaps they are having a surprise party for you this is to get you off the scent as it were

Choccylips · 14/02/2020 18:57

What if its also a suprise birthday for you too but they can't tell you but need to make sure you're there hence the £10 charge.

Mrsmac1512 · 14/02/2020 18:57

Oh yes changed my name x

Mrsmac1512 · 14/02/2020 18:58

@Choccylips it’s not 10 pound it’s £140 each and that includes 10 for my friends place xx

Thesepostsmakemechuckle · 14/02/2020 19:03

I bet they are organising a joint 50th 'surprise' party and so they tell you that they are organising one for her so it isn't a give away and they tell her that they are organising one for you. That's what I would guess anyway

madjakel · 14/02/2020 19:13

You are rightly so hurt. It’s your 50th and they are practically ignoring you! Unless they are doing you a surprise party??

SeansNiece · 14/02/2020 19:18

I would be fuming about this but no way would I be keeping quiet. I'd message the whole group and say 'right, now that we've arranged the weekend away for X, what are we doing for mine as I'm also turning 50?' If queen bitch says you're being celebrated on the weekend away just say no, it's obviously a weekend for X and I've been included as an afterthought and that's not how you want to celebrate your 50th, as an afterthought. You could also mention that you're not the only one who has expressed that feeling but you won't be throwing anyone under the bus by saying who. You have to just say it otherwise this is going to fester.

Or....you could message one of the others and say how hurt you are and can she confirm there's nothing planned for you before you raise it in the group.

mrslrc · 14/02/2020 19:48

But you wouldn’t know if there was a surprise party being lined up for you, and that could just be a comment for you, because they would have to say something about your birthday as well. Just accept that you’ve been invited to a party a few weeks after your birthday, and smile.

DeRigueurMortis · 14/02/2020 19:53

Please RTT - the OP KNOWS they are not doing a surprise for her.

This event is equally not for her as she is being expected to pay for it and contribute extra for the other birthday friend....

The group message was very clear - it's a surprise for X friend and by the way we can have a few drinks for the OP (despite the even being at the mid point of both their birthdays and the OP being expected to pay for it).

Essentially it's incredibly rude and the "grow up" comments are unfair to the point that some of the friends have acknowledged it's awful (but seemingly lack the backbone to do anything about it).

OP - do what you want. I'm sure your nice friend will understand. As per my pp I'd decline the invitation (it will be awful/awkward for you and your nice friend) and plan to do something else with her and spend the money you are being expected to contribute to this event on a fab weekend away with your family.Thanks

FaveNumberIs2 · 14/02/2020 19:59

Have you ever thought that they may have told x the same story as they told you, and in fact they are actually organising a joint surprise party and the “few drinks for you” is an excuse to get you both there?

PerkyPomPoms · 14/02/2020 20:00

Why don’t you and your lovely friend organise going away the week after your birthday - somewhere fab, to celebrate :)

glennamy · 14/02/2020 20:30

Turning 50 and behaving like a teenager...

Livelovebehappy · 14/02/2020 20:45

I hear you OP. It’s not nice and I don’t get why your friends would think it’s okay.

Caelan2018 · 14/02/2020 20:50

I can see where you coming from if you all socialise together why are they not doing a double 50th celebration I would be hurt too and to all the people asking is she 15 no she is not just cos your dont know her on here there is no need to be rude or to make her sound like she is less important

SweetMarmalade · 14/02/2020 21:24

I’d be hurt too, OP.

Silly comments on here really, who wouldn’t be hurt by this? Group of friends, two milestone birthdays, one being ignored! Harsh!

WorkHardPlayHard1 · 14/02/2020 21:45

Could it be possible that its a joint surprise party that you don't know about??

juneo63 · 14/02/2020 22:13

Talk to them, tell them you're upset, xx

Choccylips · 14/02/2020 22:41

Sorry missed the 4. Still hope its for you too. I feel your pain.

Mrsmac1512 · 14/02/2020 22:43

I have said I’m upset but was told don’t be so touchy! If the organiser really wanted to do something special for her then she should have organised something for just the two of them instead of dragging all our friends into it and putting them in a position, anyway the update is I’ve told them I can’t afford it as we have a lot on, I was asked was I sure, I said yes then removed from the group chat which is fine as I don’t need to any details, but secretly I think said organiser did it out of spite x

SentimentalKiller · 14/02/2020 22:49

Well done OP. Use the cash to do something nice for you and have a lovely birthday Flowers

Mrsmac1512 · 14/02/2020 22:54

@Sentimentalkiller thank you xxx

scubadive · 14/02/2020 23:15

Hi op,

Ignore all the callous bitches on here trying to make you feel worse,

You should have knocked this on the head straight away with something along the lines of......’No that won’t work as x and I have been planning a weekend away after the summer holidays to celebrate our birthdays together, you must have forgotten it’s also my special birthday this year too’ . That would have called her out on her outrageous but hey behaviour.

She is clearly jealous of your friendship with X and by going along with it she is making a fool of you. You need to pull out of this now and say it won’t work for you as it’s also your special birthday and you think your friend would have preferred a joint celebration as you had been planning. Say it’s putting you in an awkward position as your friend keeps trying to confirm plans and you keep having to make excuses. Say you think your friend will feel awkward that it isn’t a joint celebration.

You need to stand up to cows like this and stop being a mug. You are paying for her weekend whilst also celebrating your own ffs, who is contributing to yours! She knows you can’t organise another straight after. Stop her in her tracks.

85notout · 14/02/2020 23:30

How do you know they haven't organised a surprise for you, they are hardly going to tell you ffs.

di2004 · 14/02/2020 23:31

Sorry that you feel upset by what your friend has done this but I hope they have organised something on the qt for you!
Have a really lovely 50th x