AIBU, friend organised surprise 50th three weeks after mine!

[Andrea2807]

Tell me AIBU, there a few of us turning 50 this year, and I got a
message through Facebook from a friend saying I’m organizing a surprise for X’s 50th which is 4 weeks after mine. Then posts oh we can have a few drinks for yours as well! We are a group of friends who socialise together, we all have to put in an extra tenner for x’s place. When I said oh thanks should I just tag along I was told don’t be so touchy!
Myself and X had discussed all going away later on after the summer holidays, which won’t happen as people won’t be able to afford it, I’m getting more annoyed every message that’s coming through and now don’t want to go, AIBU

She removed you from the chat? Wow she really is telling you how she feels about you. I think it’s time you started organising stuff with friends and the others and leave her firmly out.

Organise your own birthday get together and start a new WhatsApp group

Bitch friend has done it to make you feel upset and excluded and has certainly succeeded. Your other friends are upset but don’t want to rock the boat. Lovely friend hasn’t a clue but will be upset if you don’t go.
You have to go, breeze it out, and show up bitchy friend for what she is. Everyone else knows what a bitch she is being, lovely friend will see it all clearly when she gets ‘surprised’ and the only person likely to get shoved out of the group as a result of all this isn’t you.

Hi OP, I would quickly organise a get together for my own birthday on a day very close to my own birthday. I know you said that some people can’t afford to always spend twice so I’d have it at my place. Throw yourself a party. I did it for my own 50th and it was a great night that people still mention nearly two years later (because I handed them great cocktails as soon as they walked in the door, so everyone was very quickly ‘up’ and in a party mood). Then have a fun weekend away in two weeks.

Just do your own party and don't invite bitch friend.

Are you now going to contact nice friend and organise something with her? You say people can’t afford stuff. However by not going to the weekend away, you have saved at least £140. Why not spend that on drinks and food and have a party at your house with your friends minus bitch face? You can then go out to the pub later if you all fancy it. I would organise this and fast tbh.

The “they’re organising a surprise party for you too otherwise it wouldn’t be a surprise ” is the new “cancel the cheque”. Not as catchy though.

Perhaps they have organised a surprise for you too ...... grow up n don’t be so silly

@Tammy have you read the thread??

I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t feel hurt by this - I’d be gutted.

OP hope you can organise something lovely with your nice friend.

Ive read the whole thread. I would actually tell the birthday girl that a surprise party is being organised, and that it doesnt include yourself. So you'll arrange a meal with her before/after she goes.

It is insensitive. Do they think that you wouldn’t mind? I hope they have something special planned for your birthday, a surprise.

Reply in group WhatsApp
"I'm going to drop out of this group chat so that the joint 50th birthday party for both of us can be a surprise for me too! How lovely, so many of our mutual friends have said they want it to be a joint milestone birthday party for us both as are all such close friends. X would be mortified alongside everyone else if one person organised her a party but ignored my birthday!!"

There are some very ignorant people on this thread. Op has been invited to a surprise weekend away for her friends 50th and asked to fund it for the birthday girl.

The organiser also said we can also celebrate oo’s 50th whilst there.

Why on earth do all you stupid people keep saying oh I bet they’re organising one for you too! What two separate weekends away when their birthdays are 4 weeks apart and this weekend is in between the two! And the organiser said we can celebrate your birthday op too.

Why do people keep being so mean and plain dumb.

Well said scuba

You are a group of friends I can’t understand why it wouldn’t have been organised for the both of you? I think it’s fairly normal to be upset! Have a chat to the group and explain properly face to face how it’s made you feel- nothing to loose.... either they’ll understand and sort it out so it becomes joint... or they’re not the great friends you thought they were! I’m 50 in November you can join me in whatever I do! Xx

People really need to RTFT before commenting on this.

Party organiser is a twat, OP does not have a surprise organised for her by this twat.

How do you know they haven’t organised anything for you? Understanding the word ‘suprise’!

Hate ‘drip feeding’ posts then being told to RTWT.... sometimes I comment and move along as I’m assuming most people on here can’t be arsed with trawling through 3 pages to get the deets!

Change your settings to highlight the OP's posts. You can get up to speed pdq then.

It’s very easy to say grow up and don’t be silly, it is quite hurtful what has been done but maybe those that are saying that would be the sort of insensitive friend that would be like the organiser of the weekend, who on the surface look like miss wonderful being so nice but actually being a cold nasty cow who wants to isolate people, I know which one I would rather be!

If they're organising a surprise for her, I'd guess they're doing one for you but they can hardly tell you can they? 🤦‍♂️

There is a silver lining here....bitch “friend” has revealed herself (not just to you but to everyone) what a cold, calculating bitch she is. And your lovely friend who is going to be the recipient of this surprise will also find out - someone is bound to tell her even if she doesn’t work it out for herself.

You’ve handled this wonderfully and shown nothing but dignity. Bitch friend, not so much.

You’ve seen what she’s capable of, and you and others can now start to keep your distance. Talk about shooting yourself in the foot, eh?

I'm sorry OP but this speaks volumes. It's an absolute piss take to include you in the secret group & not even directly address the situation with you. Anyone with an ounce of empathy would know this would cause you upset. They sound like shit friends, especially the twats who've messaged you to say it's wrong but don't have the balls to say that in the group chat!

If I were you I'd be saving for a spa day or nice meal out with just you & your other bday friend (who sounds lovely) and fuck the rest.

Don't let them ruin your birthday, OP. They're not worth it.x.

Haven't RTFT, just your comments OP. How do you know your friends didn't approach your DH to arrange something and he refused because he hates them? So they think they'd better not do anything or they might incur his wrath?

@Longwhiskers14 cause he couldn’t hold his own P! He would have to tell me that they approached him, and incur his wrath he’s not a monster or nasty, just doesn’t like someone he loves being treated horribly 😊

Ive read the whole thread. I would actually tell the birthday girl that a surprise party is being organised, and that it doesnt include yourself. So you'll arrange a meal with her before/after she goes.

I think I'd see be considering what this person has suggested.

I think I would definitely drop out of the WhatsApp group.

The party organiser is a bitch and sounds like she always has been. But the real let downs are the others who are mouthing sympathies at you but doing nothing.

I really free for you.

Oh and those still posting that maybe there's still a surprise for you are so obviously eejits that haven't read the thread.