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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and DD bathing

464 replies

disintegration · 10/02/2020 15:43

DH and DD bath together on Sunday mornings. She is 8. He asked me yesterday when I thought that would have to end and I replied that I thought it would probably be soon, certainly this year. He was a bit upset so I suggested I post on here to find out hive mind thought (changed username as I don't want him finding my other posts!!)

So, AIBU and they can bath together for longer or AINBU and they should cut it out sooner rather than later? Should it be DD that decides when she isn't comfortable with it anymore?

OP posts:
BettysLeftTentacle · 10/02/2020 15:45

really the only right answer is they should stop when either one of them become uncomfortable with it.

ukgift2016 · 10/02/2020 15:48

I have a 8 year old DD. Of course it is inappropriate.

Lipz · 10/02/2020 15:50

8 is too old. I'd stop it now.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 10/02/2020 15:51

This is a tricky one. I get that it's a nice thing to do but it's also hard to reinforce more important rules if she's being told it's fine to get naked in a bath with someone (even if it is "just" dad)

CalmdownJanet · 10/02/2020 15:51

I guess when your dd wants to.

I do find the concept off a routine weekly bath together, with anyone, odd I must admit, maybe others will disagree. I get being in the bath and a kid wanting to jump in but something so routine seems weird to me.

KellyHall · 10/02/2020 15:51

Why is it inappropriate?

I have a male friend whose 8 year old son still jumps in to bathe with him.

My dh has never bathed with our dd but I bathe with her all the time.

Some people go to nudist holiday camps with their entire families...

MaidenMotherCrone · 10/02/2020 15:52

It's inappropriate now!

Singlebutmarried · 10/02/2020 15:52

DH hasn’t bathed with DD since she was about 3.

I’ve never bathed with DD. It’s not something I feel comfortable with.

Original poster
disintegration · 10/02/2020 15:53

The routine is his - it's his one morning where he has the time to wallow. She then hops in. I hear them chatting and it's very sweet time for them together so I get why he wants to continue. I just think she's only a year or so off starting to develop (I was early) so even though it's innocent I think it's better to knock it on the head soon.

OP posts:
Excited101 · 10/02/2020 15:54

I’d have said 4 would be too old to bath with a parent tbh...

ErrolTheDragon · 10/02/2020 15:55

In theory you could wait to take your cue from your DD, but you can't be 100% sure that she'll say anything when she begins to feel uncomfortable- especially if it's been a special time with her dad. And especially if she's likely to have picked up that he might be upset.

Work out some other special thing they can do together instead.

FilledSoda · 10/02/2020 15:55

I wouldn't want to share a bath with anyone.
You must have a big bath

hotstepper4 · 10/02/2020 15:56

I still occasionally bathe with my ds9. He's flesh of my flesh! It's fine!

I bathed with my mum till I was 11. I decided to stop, and it was fine.

There shouldn't be any restrictions on a parent/child relationship

Tombliwho · 10/02/2020 15:57

Surely its inappropriate when she decides it's not something she wants to do?
I told my dad I didn't want him to help bath me when I was 8. From then on only my mum would come and help with my hair and I got on with it on my own.
My 7 year old son is recently asking to shower alone with the door closed. We compromise with shower curtain closed but bathroom door open. He has no qualms about interrupting my baths though 🙄

BohemianDream · 10/02/2020 15:57

I still have a bath every now and then with my 8 year old DS. I disagree that this is inappropriate, it's a shame we live in a society that sexualises everything.
I'd let you daughter decide, if she's not fussed then there is no need to overthink it.

Modestandatinybitsexy · 10/02/2020 15:57

I would leave it until she stops. My parents always left the doors unlocked and we just naturally stopped as our own sense of privacy developed. I don't think family nudity is anything to be prudish about and I think it develops a realistic sense of body image.

Peakypolly · 10/02/2020 15:58

I don’t find this inappropriate, but, as you and DH are both beginning to question when it is time to cease, I would say now. Listening to ones own instincts is usually spot on.

RhymingRabbit3 · 10/02/2020 15:59

I would be more worried about lack of space in the bath, how uncomfortable!
Maybe you could establish a new Sunday morning routine, like getting up and watching TV together, or making breakfast together or something. so they still have that time together to chat and bond without being naked.

neversleepagain · 10/02/2020 15:59

I occasionally shower with my 7 year old daughters, sometimes all 3 of us at one. They also occasionally shower with their father. I cannot, for the life of me, see why anyone would find this inappropriate. It's a shower.

Original poster
disintegration · 10/02/2020 16:01

its a bloody huge bath! we are quite a nudey family generally...

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 10/02/2020 16:01

I am quite relaxed about this kind of thing but I think it is maybe time to stop it now if your DH is questioning it.
She can still go in and chat to him, my dc are always coming to tell me things when I’m in the bath!

honesttogod · 10/02/2020 16:01

Stop it now! I'd never have a bath or shower with my 8 year old son. My 8 year old doesn't even share a bath with his 7 year old brother or 4 year old sister.

Nanny0gg · 10/02/2020 16:02

There shouldn't be any restrictions on a parent/child relationship

Really?

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 10/02/2020 16:02

I would say stop when either of them feel uncomfortable for what ever reason. My nearly 11 yo son sees me naked now and again and I'll sit in the bathoom chatting to him while he's in the bath. There's not much difference is there?

I don't have baths, but he'll pop his head round the shower curtain while I'm showering, and it would be fine if he joined me.

We're just humans.

Universalcreditwoes · 10/02/2020 16:02

We are a naked house... Wouldn't even think anything of it. We are very comfortable.i mean we don't walk around naked but if someone comes in when we are changing or bath etc then we don't make a deal of it. Mine are still small though. Eldest is 6. If they felt uncomfortable though then they can knock. She will stop if she feels uncomfortable