DH and DD bathing

[disintegration]

DH and DD bath together on Sunday mornings. She is 8. He asked me yesterday when I thought that would have to end and I replied that I thought it would probably be soon, certainly this year. He was a bit upset so I suggested I post on here to find out hive mind thought (changed username as I don't want him finding my other posts!!)

So, AIBU and they can bath together for longer or AINBU and they should cut it out sooner rather than later? Should it be DD that decides when she isn't comfortable with it anymore?

'Your 8 year old shouldn't have to set the boundaries - you as parents will need to do that.'

This ^

It's like when parents let their kids run around naked outside in public areas because they like doing it. Kids don't instinctively understand about privacy, it is up to us to guide them.

Surprised at those who’ve never let a child climb in the bath. When mine were small they’d walk in, start playing with bubbles and then say “can I get in mummy?” Can’t imagine saying no to those sweet moments.

I think it's fine. For context, DD is 10 in a couple of months and is beginning to show signs of puberty. She also, since the age of 9, has asked for more privacy when dressing, bathing, etc. So I think in the next year or so, your DD will probably begin to pull back a bit. Be guided by her. The bathing with dad will end on its own and sooner, rather than later, I'd imagine. I don't think you have to intervene. FWIW, DD has never bathed with dad and generally, I stopped bathing with the kids when they were around 6. DD still hops in the bath with me once in a very blue moon for some mum and daughter time. In a house full of blokes, we cherish this! Everyone has their own ways and habits. 8-10 is kind of childhood's sunset and then it's off to Teenland! Enjoy every moment.

Can she sit on the loo lid or the floor to chat to him instead? It’s not the nudity that makes me feel uneasy, it’s the close physical contact.

If I was bothered I’d lock the door wouldn’t I?

DD is 5 and half and still has baths with DH.

Havent really thought about it but I have stopped her having 'forced by MIL' family baths with her male cousins of the same age as DD had said she didnt want to bathe with them anymore.

I guess at some stage she will want to stop bathing with DH. I think 8 is a little late but thats just my feeling as I was sexually abused as a youngster by a family member.

7 & 5 year old DDs bath together most nights. If me or DP are in bath they might try and climb in. Hadn't really occurred to me they were getting too old yet. There is very little physical space now so it doesn't happen often!

Can’t imagine saying no to those sweet moments.

I know, right? I have to admit, there's always that moment of 'ah man, I was just about to get 15 minutes to myself with a book in the bath' and then the marching band appears and wants to get in with you. But oh how it all goes by so quickly. These moments are fleeting. I was just thinking today that our DD has been playing in the same local playground since we moved here (she was 3 back then and is about to turn 10). It hardly seems like a year's gone by. Where does it all go?

Slightly on the fence with this one but leaning more towards it already being inappropriate. As PP have said, not so much for the nudity but for her actually being in the bath. Could she sit on the floor or on a chair and chat to him whilst he's in the bath? Thinking of it from my own point of view it's the type of memory i think i'd feel weird about in hindsight if it was me who had been in the bath with my dad at that age. I doubt i'd have questioned it at the time but it would definitely make me feel odd later

If you need a fix number, i'd say 7 is the age when things like that have to stop.

In most normal families, it's fine if parents are comfortable and happen to be naked in their clothes or bathrooms, but it's the age you should start to give privacy to your kids without them having to ask.

Not sure why you would necessarily need to lock your bathroom door, nothing wrong with your kids seeing you in the nude, and they can learn to knock if it starts to bother you, but I can't see the issue about 2 family members using a bathroom at the same time.

The kids do need to learn to respect each other's privacy though...that's the hardest part.

I think it’s fine if your DD and DH are fine. Many uptight people on this thread. It’s a body, we all have one!

She's too old. Just tell her she's too big now but she can jump in after him and/or speak to him while he's in the bath.

I wouldn't share a bath with DS (9). I don't see the purpose of it?

I can probably count on one hand the amount of times we've shared a bath and the last time was when he was 3 - I was already in the bath, he asked to get in and I said okay, he stood in the bath, did a piss and climbed back out again.

I don’t see a problem with this at all he’s her dad, it’s nice for them to spend time together.

The British are very odd about nudity. Lots of cultures do not fear nudity or sexualise all nudity. I know grown men who have NEVER seen their mother naked in their life. That is WEIRD. Families in other countries sauna together, bathe together and generally are relaxed about being nude around each other. Nudity itself is not inappropriate. It is inappropriate behaviour that is imappropriate. OP. it will become apparent when it is no longer ok. DD will stop wanting to do it.

I think it's very inappropriate. After 3 years old definitely not.
Quite shocking.
I wouldn't hug my DC while in underwear, me or them or both (!) especially not with either naked!! Hugs are for when dressed in day wear or pyjamas. In bath makes it even worse.
V v bad.

It's very inappropriate.

My parents were pretty liberal and easy going with regards to nudity. Nothing abusive was going on but I found it disgusting to be honest.

@damnthatanxiety
You know grown men who’ve never seen their mother naked? I find it odd that they would have or have it as a fond memory.
Have you heard of safeguarding? protecting your child by teaching boundaries?
Personally would not have wanted any of my DC comfortable with naked adults at random occasions

I agree it should be until one of them finds it uncomfortable. In our case, I became uncomfortable before my ds' did. They were about 8 or 9 when we stopped.

Once our two were over little toddler stage, my DH still bathed with them occasionally but wearing his swim shorts. Problem solved.
Even then, I think he and DD only shared a bath until she about 4 and I seem to remember she had bikini bottoms on.

Saying that, my son did jump into my baths (with me covering up my nether regions with a flannel) until he was probably around 9!

Nidity is not inappropriate. But in Britain children whose fathers are often nude around them have a much higher risk of being sexually abused. I suspect that is because abusers use nudity to as a way of looking at their children's bodies. So ironically in countries where nudity is the norm I would be relaxed about this. With a British man I would be wary.

My 8 year old doesn't even share a bath with his 7 year old brother or 4 year old sister.
IMO that is sad. I miss my 3 wrecking the bathroom with their antics.

As long as they’re both comfortable then why should it matter

@JinglingHellsBells
I misread your comment as adults and sex. I think that’s not what you mean.

However, I’m confused as to why you called me selfish by extracting a sentence when in the previous one, I said I wouldn’t show my body to dd if she felt uncomfortable.

The point I was making with my comment is that I want my dd to see my real body, warts and all as just a body. I don’t want her to only be seeing size 0 models, anorexic girls, unattainable images of women, who’ve had a range of cosmetic modifications and edited insta images as the norm. I struggle to see how anyone could object to this.

It’s already inappropriate but that aside, please don’t leave the pressure on your DD to say when she feels it has to stop. She’ll feel as if she’s rejecting her Dad and might be afraid of speaking up for fear of hurting his feelings. It’s too much to put on a child.