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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH and DD bathing

464 replies

disintegration · 10/02/2020 15:43

DH and DD bath together on Sunday mornings. She is 8. He asked me yesterday when I thought that would have to end and I replied that I thought it would probably be soon, certainly this year. He was a bit upset so I suggested I post on here to find out hive mind thought (changed username as I don't want him finding my other posts!!)

So, AIBU and they can bath together for longer or AINBU and they should cut it out sooner rather than later? Should it be DD that decides when she isn't comfortable with it anymore?

OP posts:
Verbena37 · 13/02/2020 13:08

I just know that as an 8 yr old girl, i’d have been pretty shocked to get into a bath with my dad and see his genitalia on full display!

Whether it’s normal or not, having a willy and balls floating around in the bath with an 8 Yr old girl is not something I’d deem as fine.

CandiceSucksCandy · 13/02/2020 13:22

My 7 year old dd will jump into the bath with either of us. I really don't see the problem. I imagine she will stop at some point when puberty kicks in but I'm going to let it be her decision.
After watching Totoro on netflix she wants to go to Japan where we can all have a big bath together.

Bluerussian · 13/02/2020 13:22

Verbena, I can't imagine it either at eight years old. Perhaps they use bubble bath? Whatever, it's time to gradually cease the practice.

Skyejuly · 13/02/2020 13:24

Why not wear swimwear?

Zurina · 13/02/2020 14:40

At eight - not so usual.

No, I can't see either of us liking it then! We did use to bath together a lot, now she is 4 less so (although for me that's more about having room in the bath than feeling it's inappropriate). By 8, it would feel inappropriate even if my DD felt it wasn't.

Clockonmantlepiece · 13/02/2020 15:27

@CandiceSucksCandy

Most girls start puberty at 13.
Most 11/12 year olds are prepubescent. I know you can cite young examples of puberty but above is the norm.

You cannot be serious about it being ok to puberty!

Children would be ok with a lot of things that are deeply immoral /wrong and it's the parent's job to put boundaries in place to keep them safe.

PhilomenaChristmasPie · 13/02/2020 15:29

I agree with the first comment.

TheBigFatMermaid · 13/02/2020 15:33

It becomes inappropriate when she stops wanting to do it.

formerbabe · 13/02/2020 16:59

I just know that as an 8 yr old girl, i’d have been pretty shocked to get into a bath with my dad and see his genitalia on full display

Quite. I think it's pretty grim for an 8 year old girl to regularly see adult male genitalia no matter how innocent the situation.

karencantobe · 13/02/2020 17:50

Most girls start periods by 12-13. They are showing signs of puberty long before this.

Verbena37 · 13/02/2020 19:28

It becomes inappropriate when she stops wanting to do it.

What if, because she’s grown up having a bath every Sunday and sees it as normal, she doesn’t think there is anything wrong with it when she’s 14/15?

Pretty sure the majority of people would think it’s inappropriate if the OP had come on and written the same post about her 14 year old daughter having weekly baths with her dad.

BoomBoomsCousin · 13/02/2020 22:21

I think it's pretty grim for an 8 year old girl to regularly see adult male genitalia no matter how innocent the situation.

Why? In what way is seeing the human body in a non-sexual and non-threatening situation that you aren't uncomfortable with "grim"?

lilgreen · 13/02/2020 22:25

What’s grim about a human body?

carly2803 · 13/02/2020 22:31

i find this weird...sorry.

at 8 she needs to have her own space and learn about her body.

1Morewineplease · 13/02/2020 22:34

If your husband questions it then it needs to stop.

MiniGuinness · 13/02/2020 22:36

She will probably decide to stop soon. My kids stopped on their own accord at around that age.

99problemsandthecatis1 · 13/02/2020 22:47

I don't remember when I stopped bathing with my parents, so I must have been a fairly young BUT we were a nudist household and this remained the case into my adolescence. I was fine and comfortable with it, and continue to be fine with it as an adult (as in in retrospect and in my current life). I don't seek out nudist beaches or attend nudist holiday parks but I'm comfortable in communal changing areas, including mixed sex (I participate in a scuba diving, rock climbing, caving etc which often require changing in carparks and open fields!).

I feel I have a very healthy relationship with the human body in a non sexual way. It's just a body. I also have developed appropriate sexual boundaries.

Baaaahhhhh · 15/02/2020 11:20

I think it's pretty grim for an 8 year old girl to regularly see adult male genitalia no matter how innocent the situation

Why? It's not grim. Plenty of nudity in sculpture and art, is that grim? Better to be relaxed and natural around nudity than shocked or giggly when they get older and are confronted with sex education.

Secondary schools now devote time and effort in promoting healthy body images to both boys and girls in an attempt to dispel the internet perfection or distorted porn on display.

Goingtobeoldearly · 15/02/2020 11:30

Is it a problem because of the opposite sexes? I'm a live in nanny and whilst the dad doesn't have a bath with the kids, the mum will occasionally. All three kids still have a bath with her, it's upto them though. The youngest is 8 (boy) and the oldest is 12. Girl. I see no issue with it. It's their choice.

formerbabe · 15/02/2020 11:40

Why? It's not grim

Then why isn't nudity in public allowed?

karencantobe · 15/02/2020 11:55

I will tell DP to go nude when he pops out to the shops later then.

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2020 13:59

? In what way is seeing the human body in a non-sexual and non-threatening situation that you aren't uncomfortable with "grim"?

Ah, the old, when people try to act cool and just come across as a bit daft.

I am 51, I've no desire to get in the bath with my father, I've no desire to see his genitala and yes I'd find it a bit grim if I was bathing with him naked and had to see. As would most people.

Why in God's name should it be different for an eight year old?

As said though, this girl isn't gagging to bathe with her naked father, she just wants his attention and that time with him. The bathing is simply the only mechanic he provides for her to have that time.

HannaYeah · 15/02/2020 15:08

After thinking about this and trying to be open-minded, I just cannot get around it being completely weird for a little girl to be in the bath with her father.

I guess I’m a prudish American or whatever. It’s just not our culture and not my family culture. I don’t have kids but in fact, think I would have only been naked around my own daughter if she was under 13 to teach her that bodies are normal and nothing to be ashamed about. To teach her to shower, but unlikely I would have taken a bath with a daughter. Absolutely not with a son.
Changing room yes, but when I change with others present it’s not like I’m prancing around.

It’s not because it’s sexual, I just think it’s awkward and unneccessary.

Also don’t think we need to “normalize” a grown man’s penis to a little girl.

Paula2303 · 15/02/2020 15:18

It is fine until one feels uncomfortable. I see my mum naked, why is it different?
Imo anyone saying it is sick is either sexualising a child or assuming the dad is capable of abuse.

I think it is sad that we so easily cave to what society 'suggest'

Aridane · 15/02/2020 15:40

Why is it worse seeing free swinging dicks than naked cunts?

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